Jump to content
• Sign Up

# The Official JOKES SECTION :)

## Recommended Posts

21 hours ago, joigus said:

Swansont: Did the chicken cross the road? Any references?

Maybe we should add some unsourced ones and have a guess who?

"Here is a helpful animation displaying the relativistic effects when a chicken crosses the road, as seen from a stationary observer."

"The chicken crossed the road in 18.3400000000021 seconds, measured in the chickens frame of reference."

"No model. No math. You have no theory. Your idea how the chicken crossed the road have been debunked over and over. Thread closed!"

"A charged chicken crosses the road at an angle of 90 degrees, in what direction will there be a magnetic field?"

#### Share this post

##### Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Ghideon said:

Maybe we should add some unsourced ones and have a guess who?

"Here is a helpful animation displaying the relativistic effects when a chicken crosses the road, as seen from a stationary observer."

"The chicken crossed the road in 18.3400000000021 seconds, measured in the chickens frame of reference."

"No model. No math. You have no theory. Your idea how the chicken crossed the road have been debunked over and over. Thread closed!"

"A charged chicken crosses the road at an angle of 90 degrees, in what direction will there be a magnetic field?"

Aaaah. That rings a bell. I think we should have a thread dedicated to impersonate other users (nicely, of course). I would be very happy to have an impersonation of myself.

We did that years ago in some language-learning forums. We had some fun.

Edit. I think it's a great idea. If more people think it's fun and the mods don't mind, we could do that.

Edited by joigus
Addition

#### Share this post

##### Share on other sites

ZENO:  The chicken couldn't have crossed the road. It would have first had to cross halfway, then halfway the remaining distance...

#### Share this post

##### Share on other sites
31 minutes ago, Janus said:

ZENO:  The chicken couldn't have crossed the road. It would have first had to cross halfway, then halfway the remaining distance...

Archimedes: Zeno's chicken crossed the road; my methods take into account the fact that under the conditions stipulated the amount of time taken at each step is geometrically decreasing

Edited by Ghideon

#### Share this post

##### Share on other sites

When someone tells me they’re a Christian, I ask:

Classic Jesus, or Republican Jesus?

#### Share this post

##### Share on other sites
On 9/24/2020 at 8:22 PM, Janus said:

ZENO:  The chicken couldn't have crossed the road. It would have first had to cross halfway, then halfway the remaining distance...

My understanding is that the chicken stopped in the middle of the road. Why? It was a Rhode Island Red.

12 hours ago, iNow said:

When someone tells me they’re a Christian, I ask:

Classic Jesus, or Republican Jesus?

That's not a joke. That's perceptive political commentary.

#### Share this post

##### Share on other sites

Chicken?

educational-chicken.pdf For anyone interested, everything is explained in this .pdf

#### Share this post

##### Share on other sites
On 9/28/2020 at 5:28 PM, Area54 said:

That's not a joke. That's perceptive political commentary.

Depends on the number's...

#### Share this post

##### Share on other sites

If you guys are so smart and know all these smart stuffs then why aren't any of you millionaires or famous? I guess your knowledge bank doesn't really set me and you guys apart :P

#### Share this post

##### Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, Saiyan300Warrior said:

If you guys are so smart and know all these smart stuffs then why aren't any of you millionaires or famous? I guess your knowledge bank doesn't really set me and you guys apart

What makes you think I'm not a millionaire?

#### Share this post

##### Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, zapatos said:

What makes you think I'm not a millionaire?

Hmm... I dunno... makes me wonder... what if those numbers under your name actually represent some higher monetary value that belongs to you? Still you are on the internet and from my experience anyone on the internet who says their a millionaire, has a business, works at home or even implies their one is usually a liar!

#### Share this post

##### Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, Saiyan300Warrior said:

Hmm... I dunno... makes me wonder... what if those numbers under your name actually represent some higher monetary value that belongs to you? Still you are on the internet and from my experience anyone on the internet who says their a millionaire, has a business, works at home or even implies their one is usually a liar!

This is the JOKES thread so I won't take this more off topic, but if you wish to think critically, you shouldn't assume I am not a millionaire, that I claimed to be a millionaire, or that I am probably a liar. In other words, DON'T ASSUME.

#### Share this post

##### Share on other sites

In order to post here in the official jokes section, should we post only official jokes or unofficial ones can also be posted? 🤔

#### Share this post

##### Share on other sites

UNofficial jokes go in the .science sections ( usually Physics or Biology ).
It's hilarious what some people try to pass off as science.

#### Share this post

##### Share on other sites
56 minutes ago, Asheekay said:

In order to post here in the official jokes section, should we post only official jokes or unofficial ones can also be posted? 🤔

Post a joke and we'll let you know...😐

#### Share this post

##### Share on other sites
8 minutes ago, MigL said:

UNofficial jokes go in the .science sections ( usually Physics or Biology ).
It's hilarious what some people try to pass off as science.

Is that officially a joke?

#### Share this post

##### Share on other sites
17 hours ago, koti said:

You picked a fine time to leave me Dodge Ram...

19 hours ago, zapatos said:

This is the JOKES thread so I won't take this more off topic, but if you wish to think critically, you shouldn't assume I am not a millionaire, that I claimed to be a millionaire, or that I am probably a liar. In other words, DON'T ASSUME.

"Most statements or claims on the internet are exaggerated, completely false, or incorrectly attributed"

Mahatma Ghandi

#### Share this post

##### Share on other sites
1 hour ago, dimreepr said:

Post a joke and we'll let you know...😐

I did already 😉

You thought it was a question 🤭

#### Share this post

##### Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, Asheekay said:

I did already 😉

When?

3 minutes ago, Asheekay said:

You thought it was a question 🤭

I thought that you thought that, was funny... 😆

#### Share this post

##### Share on other sites
On ‎9‎/‎27‎/‎2020 at 11:39 PM, iNow said:

When someone tells me they’re a Christian, I ask:

Classic Jesus, or Republican Jesus?

That's the problem with Religions ( aside from political commentary ) and reminds me of an Emo Philips joke

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, “Don’t do it!”
He said, “Nobody loves me.” I said, “God loves you. Do you believe in God?”
He said, “Yes.”
I said, “Are you a Christian or a Jew?”
He said, “A Christian.”
I said, “Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?”
He said, “Protestant.”
I said, “Me, too! What franchise?”
He said, “Baptist.”
I said, “Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?”
He said, “Northern Baptist.”
I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?”
He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist.”
I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?”
He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region.”
I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?”
He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.”
I said, “Die, heretic!” And I pushed him over.

( reading it back to myself, it does seem much funnier in an Emo Philips voice )

#### Share this post

##### Share on other sites
1 hour ago, MigL said:

( reading it back to myself, it does seem much funnier in an Emo Philips voice )

Things do.

My favourite Emo Philips  joke"
"When I was a kid I prayed that God would give me a bicycle.
Then I realised that God doesn't work that way.
So I stole a bicycle, and prayed for forgiveness."

#### Share this post

##### Share on other sites
1 hour ago, MigL said:

That's the problem with Religions ( aside from political commentary ) and reminds me of an Emo Philips joke

<snip>

( reading it back to myself, it does seem much funnier in an Emo Philips voice )

Here you go -
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3fAcxcxoZ8

There is 2:55 of lead in that is worth watching of itself.

## Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

## Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

## Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×

• #### Activity

• Leaderboard
×
• Create New...

## Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.