ok....so I thiiiiink I got it. I have been inside of a "dream" but that dream was actually overlapping my external reality. Causing me to delude myself with understanding what I am ACTUALLY seeing. So much so that I basically infinitely looped myself in believing in that understanding.
So what I thought reality was is actually my imagination but I also have to understand that my imagination is an important tool for understand the universe around me, because that is all I have.
Does that sound about right?
Bad news, my step mom suffered a home invasion, not only did they beat her up they burned down her house. Onlookers were able to drag her out of the house. To make matters worse my dad died, I'm having problems getting information at this time since my step mom and my dad were my only source of info...