1 hour ago, Phi for All said:

A turtle gets mugged by two snails. When the cops show up, they ask him what happened, and the shaken turtle replies, "I don't know, it all happened so FAST!"

Lets break this down because I'm not laughing, not one bit.
It is difficult to assume any velocities since we don't know in what terrain the crime took place, what were the exact items stolen from the turtle which is vital to know to calculate or even make any educated guesses as to what happened - masses of the stolen items are absolutely crucial to know (masses of the turtle and the snails are fairly known) There is one extremely disturbing piece of information which renders this joke a paradox, namely that the turtle was "shaken" when talking to the cops which implies that it is capable of movement at velocities far beyond the capabilities of any snail. I don't like the premise that the turtle was supposedly much slower which in effect enabled the snails to I need to go clean my bathroom the wife is screaming that I move my butt.

3 hours ago, MigL said:

The turtle joke is funny, Phi.

I thought you'd appreciate the metaphor for modern conservatism. I'm certainly glad nobody accused me of posting it in the wrong joke section. 

3 hours ago, joigus said:

I'm under not obligation to be funny, may I remind you...

Actually, in this section, the rules are quite clear. You owe us several jokes, and it is THEY that must be funny, not you.

2 hours ago, koti said:

I need to go clean my bathroom the wife is screaming that I move my butt.

I see your point. I have almost everything I need to calculate velocity in your case, given your wife's estimated glacial rate for your "butt". 

39 minutes ago, Phi for All said:

Actually, in this section, the rules are quite clear. You owe us several jokes, and it is THEY that must be funny, not you.

Duly noted. Is there a deadline to start my new funny self?

Am I allowed to be funny in the sense?:

6 hours ago, joigus said:

2. difficult to explain or understand; strange and not as you expect

8 hours ago, joigus said:

 

2. difficult to explain or understand; strange and not as you expect

 

As my Mum used to say, "funny peculiar not funny haha"

Political humor?

Hard to beat this:

https://www.businessinsider.com/photo-trump-supporter-riot-confederate-flag-us-capitol-2021-1?IR=T

 

Make the Confederacy Great Again!

3 hours ago, J.C.MacSwell said:

Make the Confederacy Great Again!

I think the slogan kind of implied that already.

18 hours ago, Sensei said:

Political humor?

Hard to beat this:

What ???
No gun ?
That's pretty lame for a red-neck !

20 minutes ago, MigL said:

What ???
No gun ?
That's pretty lame for a red-neck !

It’s concealed 

It's a long border. That would be pretty expensive...Can we just buy 12 days worth?

On 1/8/2021 at 1:24 AM, MigL said:

What ???
No gun ?
That's pretty lame for a red-neck !

His finger is loaded and cocked.

1 minute ago, dimreepr said:

LOL. I just got a picture in my mind of Trump entering the prison gates and Hilary standing outside chanting "Lock him up!"

Just now, J.C.MacSwell said:

LOL. I just got a picture in my mind of Trump entering the prison gates and Hilary standing outside chanting "Lock him up!"

Like this one?

 

Me? I laughed harder at this one:

Something like that. I assume that's photoshopped...but not 100% sure...

1 hour ago, iNow said:

Like this one?

 

Me? I laughed harder at this one:

It's a bitter sweet symphony this life...

Not funny at all; kind of sad, actually.

During lock-down, I've been watching the final season of that new show …
The United States of America.
 

 

And off he went with a Trumpety Trump; Trump, Trump Trump.

 

For those unaware of the original...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nellie_the_Elephant