https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c8erpgy727jo

 

Funny ha ha (Edinburgh Festival one liner winners)

 

eg Comedian Mark Simmons was voted the winner with his gag: "I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship but I bottled it.”

Edited August 19, 20241 yr by geordief

As I was leaving the art museum, I got arrested for stealing a painting.

I don't understand.  Earlier when I asked the guide if I could take a picture, he said yes.  

It’s illegal to laugh out loud in Hawaii. You have to keep it to a low ha. 

Got a couple of test results back. I got a 75 on COVID, what the hell does that mean?! Also, my IQ came back positive.

Four years ago, I saw clearly that this trend in jokes was coming.  It was 2020.  

You really can't compare Canadians and Americans.  In two centuries, it's only been possible to draw one parallel between them.

Canadians have more freedoms than Americans do.  It's because we gave them more latitude.

Things were simpler 1923 years ago.  That's why we start with History 101.

 

 

 

12 minutes ago, Moontanman said:

Turn the last one downside up and you have "Escapologist".(oh is it not a frog?)

I feel the anger of arachnologists rising.

18 minutes ago, CharonY said:

I feel the anger of arachnologists rising.

I thought it looked like a crab

5 hours ago, geordief said:

I thought it looked like a crab

But just look at its cute little spidey-eyes!

7 hours ago, CharonY said:

But just look at its cute little spidey-eyes!

Sure it is not spideation?

The eyes ,you say....ah yes a bit familiar....cute ,yes and kind of ,welcoming.

I think I'll take a cl..................

16 hours ago, CharonY said:

I feel the anger of arachnologists rising.

Oh what a tangled web we weave...

Particularly for exchemist (and a few others)

 

How do you tell a chemist from a plumber  ?

 

Spoiler

Ask them to pronounce unionised

 

Enjoyable...  --->  https://youtu.be/QnjC4FYze04

 

Where do bad rainbows go? 🌈 

 

 

To prism. It’s a light sentence, but gives them time to reflect. 💡🪞 

On 9/4/2024 at 6:54 PM, Moontanman said:

Two gentlemen were applying for a job and the interviewer told them that they were both equally qualified. In order to break the tie he asked them both to write a short poem. The only rule was that the poem must use the word "Timbuktu". Whoever wrote the best poem would get the job.

A short time later the poems were completed and the gentlemen were asked to read them.

The first fellow recited his as follows:

Over blazing desert sands, rode a camel caravan. Under azure skies of blue, destination, Timbuktu.

The interviewer was impressed, then asked the second fellow to recite his, and it went like this:

Tim and I a hunting went, found three women in a tent. They being three and we being two, I bucked one and Tim bucked two.

 

So God tells Adam, I'm going to make you a wife, a helpmate, the most beautiful woman you can imagine.  She will be tireless, enthusiastic, terrific in bed, and never complain or criticize.

But it will cost you.

How much, asks Adam.

An eye, an elbow, a collarbone, and your left ball.

Adam thinks this over for a couple minutes then asks:  What can I get for a rib?