Jump to content
Tampitump

Scientific reasons for me not having a girlfriend?

Recommended Posts

I certainly don't care either-way.

oh ok, I'll be sure never to post any of the stuff again. Thanks.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

oh ok, I'll be sure never to post any of the stuff again. Thanks.

 

 

OK, your choice.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There's no telling what you guys think of me at this point. I admit that I've been rather annoying, and perhaps a little boorish since I've been a member here.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have severe MDD probably. Can't be sure because I've never been diagnosed.

The words you have used are words that I have used and I was on antidepressants for two years until not too long ago. It is probably worth having a chat with your doctor. ADs can give you the mental space to help you look at your life and predicament a bit more objectively and detached from them without the weight of them pulling you down into a state of apathy and inaction, which is where you seem to be at at this point in time.

 

If anyone says "Pull yourself together" tell them to go and F*** themselves... it's not a nice place to be.

Edited by StringJunky

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Many men will go their entire life without ever having ever having sex or a girlfriend.

 

Lets face it. I am never going to have a girlfriend. I know this for a fact.

 

I'm too ugly and unattractive to women. I also I'm poor and women are only attracted to good-looking rich guys with good genes.

 

There are some men in the world that can get any girl they just dream of.

 

The fact is that life is extremely unfair and is only going to get more unfair over time.

 

I feel a lot like Elliot Rodger did when he knew that he couldn't get reciprocal affection from the women he wanted.

 

I think this guy seems to explain this quite well:

 

Edited by seriously disabled

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm too ugly and unattractive to women. I also I'm poor and women are only attracted to good-looking rich guys with good genes.

You are seeing what you want to see. You are also insulting many women pigeon-holing them into a single category.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The words you have used are words that I have used and I was on antidepressants for two years until not too long ago. It is probably worth having a chat with your doctor. ADs can give you the mental space to help you look at your life and predicament a bit more objectively and detached from them without the weight of them pulling you down into a state of apathy and inaction, which is where you seem to be at at this point in time.

 

If anyone says "Pull yourself together" tell them to go and F*** themselves... it's not a nice place to be.

Every time I think I've had enough and want to go to the doctor, I always just say fuck it. I don't really have the money to go to the doctor. I just never really want to either. I'm sure some day I'll make it to the doc. I know I should go, but I can always find every reason not to go.

 

I can't bring myself to look at my life objectively. Its damn near impossible when you are the self who is experiencing the life. You have access to unique feelings and emotions in relation to your life that others don't. I can look at the staggering amount of other people who are younger than me who are way smarter and have a much better grip on things than I did at their age, and even better than I do now. I find myself being irrelevant in everyone's life and having seemingly no way make things better. I'm a slow learner and terrible at math. My problem-solving skills suck. etc. I find myself being alone in everything I do and everything I am. Everyone else gets along fine, learns with much greater ease, and operates just fine without me in their life. Everyone treats me with very low importance in their lives and my not being around ispreferable to my being around.

 

Its mostly my personality I think. It sucks. I run people off.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Nobody ever wants to go to the doctor. It's still important to do so.

I know. This is always an issue I don't want to go for. Its time I did though.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I know. This is always an issue I don't want to go for. Its time I did though.

The sooner you do it the sooner you can try and take control of your life rather than life taking control of you... you are a yacht without a sail atm.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Teenage angst is always a problem, especially when it extends into your forties. Fix it now.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I recollect Tampitump mentioning not knowing how to interpret a facial expression. Paul Ekman identified five cultural universal expressions: joy, sadness, anger, disgust, and shock. Shock was a merging of fear and suprise, which the aboriginal people could not distinguish.


 

That there are two types of depression, differentiated by their cause (endogenous or reactive).

 

I'm only aware psychotic versus non-psychotic depression. Depression is associated with lowered serotonin, but psychotic depression also invovles heightened cortisol secretion by the HPA axis. You see this heightened HPA activity in PTSD too, and the administration of corticosteroids can induce manic, depressed, or rapid cycling mood changes similar to bipolar disorder.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Probably you are stuck behind a computer screen too much. This is the reason I think many Japanese men show no interest in sex, according to studies. They are too engrossed in computer games, their phones, etc.

 

Meeting women requires that you go out into the real world and introduce yourself, talk, flirt, etc. It requires that you get out of the safe space of sitting behind a computer.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Probably you are stuck behind a computer screen too much. This is the reason I think many Japanese men show no interest in sex, according to studies. They are too engrossed in computer games, their phones, etc.

 

Meeting women requires that you go out into the real world and introduce yourself, talk, flirt, etc. It requires that you get out of the safe space of sitting behind a computer.

I definitely think this is part of the overall problem, but not the sole problem. I think it is a combination of looks, personality, inexperience, introvertedness, and low self-esteem. No matter what I do, I can't attract even momentary attention from women, and the attention I do get is repudiation. Its a combination of bad and undesirable aesthetic and personality traits, and a low self-opinion and self-image. My whole-person evaluation is not very good. I'm just an overall shitty person, and I think thats what it boils down to. Edited by Tampitump

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No matter what I do, I can't attract even momentary attention from women, and the attention I do get is repudiation.

This is contradicted by comments you've made right here in this very thread about interactions you've had within just the last few weeks.

 

 

1389791_693683550762547_933375258_n.jpg

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This is contradicted by comments you've made right here in this very thread about interactions you've had within just the last few weeks.

 

 

1389791_693683550762547_933375258_n.jpg

 

OK - I've searched Meditations from Marcus Aurelius, and I can't find where he says that. Anybody care to give me a reference?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's everywhere, but struggling to find original source. May come from Emperors Handbook instead of Meditations. Unsure.

 

Closest references I found tie the quote to Book 3 Chapter 9, but I suspect it depends on the translation. That said, here's the first source I can locate:

 

A Dictionary of Thoughts, ed. T. Edwards, Cassell Publishing Co., 1891, p. 572

 

See that page for yourself here: https://archive.org/stream/adictionarythou00unkngoog?ui=embed#page/n621/mode/1up

 

Here's another version from Meditations Book 3 with similar tone:

 

Your ability to control your thoughts -   treat it with respect. Its all that protects your mind from false perceptions  - false to your nature, and that of all rational beings.

Finally, similar themes expressed another way by same author below:

 

"If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment."

 

"You have power over your mind not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength."

― Marcus Aurelius

 

Regardless of whether or not the previously shared quote is precise or sourced as if I were submitting a dissertation, my original point remains.

 

The OP is the only person who can control his response to the world and to his circumstances. He is the only person with control over his outlook and his feelings. He is the only person who is involved in feeling defeated or hopeful.

 

The power is his to seize whenever he's ready and whenever he chooses to do so, and that's true regardless of how much time I spend scrubbing the net for precise chapter, verse, page, and paragraph of the Aurelius quote used to summarize these points in the previously shared image above.

Edited by iNow

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My whole-person evaluation is not very good. I'm just an overall shitty person, and I think thats what it boils down to.

 

If you truly believe this, then this is the reason you are not doing well with women. This attitude that you are a shitty person will contaminate all of your interactions with women. If, on the other hand, you believe that you are a worthwhile, decent guy with something to offer, then that belief will begin to positively affect your behavior and thus the results you are getting.

 

Feelings influence thoughts, thoughts influence behavior, and behavior influences outcomes. Changing your negative feelings about yourself is the first step on your way to success.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

If you truly believe this, then this is the reason you are not doing well with women. This attitude that you are a shitty person will contaminate all of your interactions with women. If, on the other hand, you believe that you are a worthwhile, decent guy with something to offer, then that belief will begin to positively affect your behavior and thus the results you are getting.

 

Feelings influence thoughts, thoughts influence behavior, and behavior influences outcomes. Changing your negative feelings about yourself is the first step on your way to success.

Used to think this way man. I really did. Gave loving myself a try. Still got made fun of and ostracized. I'm a true case of "made to be this way".

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Used to think this way man. I really did. Gave loving myself a try. Still got made fun of and ostracized. I'm a true case of "made to be this way".

 

You say you "gave loving myself a try", which implies that the positive attitude was a deviation from your default negative beliefs. It was a temporary effort to change, but you at some point you gave up on changing your inner beliefs and reverted to old paradigms that you were comfortable with, such as thinking you were "made to be this way".

 

I think this is why you are in a state of self doubt. You are looking for "scientific reasons" for not having a girlfriends, when the only real reason is your own psychological mindset. That is the only logical reason for your current state: your beliefs.

 

You can be physically ugly, out of shape, not wealthy, and dress poorly, and still get girls IF you have confidence and act confidently around women, which means you have high self esteem. It is all about the confidence when it comes to getting women, and confidence comes from how you value yourself.

 

Women ostracize pretty much every guy who steps to them, especially if the women are hot. This ostracization is called a "shit test". Your confidence is being tested, they want to see how strong your really are, i.e., what your confidence is. A truly confident man will blaze right through being laughed at. It's all part of the process.

Edited by Alex_Krycek

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No, I used to not let the ostracism get to me. I was convinced things would change with age and maturity, and in growing up and moving beyond my local, small town environment and meeting new people. I find the ostracism continues regardless of whether I feel confident, good-looking, or not. It didn't mean to say that I "gave it try", which is to say that I went from my current perspective to one of tentative confidence, then back again once my confirmation bias was met. Rather, I learned over time that that ostracism is a constant in my life, and doesn't require the ether of my low self-confidence to propagate.

Edited by Tampitump

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No, I used to not let the ostracism get to me. I was convinced things would change with age and maturity, and in growing up and moving beyond my local, small town environment and meeting new people. I find the ostracism continues regardless of whether I feel confident, good-looking, or not. It didn't mean to say that I "gave it try", which is to say that I went from my current perspective to one of tentative confidence, then back again once my confirmation bias was met. Rather, I learned over time that that ostracism is a constant in my life, and doesn't require the ether of my low self-confidence to propagate.

 

How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?

I really wish more people would read threads before participating... you know, or AT LEAST page 1... or maybe even just the OP... hell, I'd settle for reading just the very first sentence of the first post at this point.

 

He's literally provided this information five different times already:

 

http://www.scienceforums.net/topic/96890-scientific-reasons-for-me-not-having-a-girlfriend/#entry934618

http://www.scienceforums.net/topic/96890-scientific-reasons-for-me-not-having-a-girlfriend/#entry935015

http://www.scienceforums.net/topic/96890-scientific-reasons-for-me-not-having-a-girlfriend/page-2#entry935083

http://www.scienceforums.net/topic/96890-scientific-reasons-for-me-not-having-a-girlfriend/page-4#entry935590

http://www.scienceforums.net/topic/96890-scientific-reasons-for-me-not-having-a-girlfriend/page-6#entry939383

Edited by iNow

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

Oh right. Thanks. I did read this OP but forgot he posted his age.

 

If you're 25 and you're still a virgin, that's going to be a big obstacle. If you want a "scientific reason", that could be a legitimate one. There is so much to do with body language, confidence, flirting, and generally the entire interaction that comes from already having some experience with women on a physical level.

 

So much of being around women is non-logical, non-thought based. It is more on an instinctual, emotional, sexual level that they feel rather than think about. You are probably sending out cues subconsciouly that you don't even know you're sending that you are insecure and do not have much experience. But don't worry, all this can be taken care of pretty easily.

 

One possible solution for you, and I am not joking here: see a high quality escort, you know, like the Bunny Ranch or whatever, and lose your virginity that way. Your virginity is acting as an unecessary barrier to you and doing this is a way to get the physical aspect out of the way.

If you want, hop on a plane to Germany. We have legal prostitution here and I can recommend some good places.

Edited by Alex_Krycek

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.