Scientific reasons for me not having a girlfriend?

[Tampitump]

I just took this free online IQ test. I'm not sure which tests are accurate. 122 was my score. Go figure

Edited August 3, 2016 by Tampitump

[CharonY]

You're stepping a little bit beyond the scope of the problem. This argument would be good if we were talking about me having an inability to hold a relationship for any length of time. Instead, what we're talking about here is girls not even noticing me or being completely repelled by the initial sight of me and never getting to that point of first conversation. So your argument cannot really be applied in this framework because we haven't gotten to the point that your argument addresses yet.

The problem has very little to do with my selfishness because there is not enough time for a girl to evaluate this before she rejects me in each and every case. They all reject me out of hand without putting a second's worth of thought into it. It's just common knowledge that I'm not an option, I'm unworthy and invalid, defective and not even to be considered. That is the going consensus in the female community, or so it seems. You guys have never been a second in my shoes and everything you say demonstrates it. You talk to me as if I'm an average guy and I'm not. I'm not sure how to stress the point that I'm highly deformed, highly incompetent, and impoverished in the departments of sex appeal sufficiently enough that you guys can understand or acknowledge it. I've tried to put it lightly, but most of you continue to give me advice as if I were a real man. I'm a freak, so the normal advice you would give to a fellow average guy with normal sex appeal and attractiveness is invalid for me. That's just the fact of the matter.

 

What I am saying is that if you are able to talk to guys, you are able to talk to girls, if you are not in the mindset of having a sexual relationship. If you also have problems talking to anyone you may have social skills issues that can be addressed in various ways. You concentrate on outward appearance front and center and while it is true that they do heavily social life, they just hindrances not insurmountable roadblocks. It may take more work for some than for others but for only very few does it happen without any level of effort. As others have mentioned, especially if you have cards stacked against you, you are not doing yourself a favor if you also further rig the game against yourself.

[dimreepr]

I'm not "thorough" or a "perfectionist". I'm of low intelligence. Listen, I've taken many different styles of IQ test and always score in the marginal to low category, I've always been terrible at school despite trying very hard. I've failed three full years of college and been expelled for poor performance. I have plenty of good data confirming my low intelligence.

 

It's not just the numbers I go by either. It's my interaction with other people too. Everyone else is so much smarter and more knowledgeable than me, even the most simple and non-intellectual people. I can spend several months or even years studying a particular topic, thinking I've got a good grasp on it, only to find that someone whom I know has never pondered this topic for more than five seconds in their life could school me on it. I often try to stay more informed and enlightened than the average person, but I'm not kidding anyone. Most anyone is smarter and more informed than me. It is frustrating. I'm a very incompetent person. I cannot even explain what I'm talking about, and even if I could, you would still be dubious of what I'm telling you. You just don't understand. I'm a very incapable and ineffective thinker. I try very hard, but I can never cut the mustard.

 

I can't stand when people cannot concede a point I'm trying to make. You guys are grasping at fucking straws. If there were a test that said I'm 97% mentally deficient, you guys would look at it and say, "Well, there's still the other three percent. Just because 97% of your brain doesn't work doesn't mean you're not smart." That's how ridiculous what you're saying is. I told you my IQ scores were around 90. You guys know full well that is low. 90 is not average, it is LOW. I don't care what the standard says, most people score higher than what the standard says. The standard says that roughly 115-120 is above average, but in reality average people tend to score higher than this. 90 is mentally-deficient no matter what euphemism you try to concoct to make it sound nicer. I've proven my incompetence time after time with school, testing, and stupidity in everyday life.

 

 

I understand what it's like to not be able to create understanding, through low intelligence, I don't understand my mother tongue well enough for the trickier concepts; I've certainly failed to make you understand the meaning of this "smile and the world smiles back, frown and the world turns it's back" or "to make something special, one only has to believe it's special" - Kung fu panda.

 

As a care manager for a Rudolf Steiner care home, I was lucky to have met a chap called Eric who suffered from angelman syndrome , well I say 'suffered' but having spent a lot of time, and walked many a mile, in his company, in my mind Eric was blessed with the syndrome; until I found 'Eric's' place (heaven, not the bibles version) I was envious of Eric's bliss, LOL, I may as well have been envious of my foot.

 

Look in the mirror and smile, I guarantee you'll smile back.

Edited August 4, 2016 by dimreepr

[StringJunky]

Look in the mirror and smile, I guarantee you'll smile back.

It uses less muscles as well.

[thatsneakyguy]

This thread reminds me of this snl sketch:

 

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/sexual-harassment/2751966

[Tampitump]

I hate to drag up this old thread kicking and screaming, but I had something to say.

 

There's this girl at the local Dollar Store (yes, I'm a redneck from the south), who I've kind of liked for a few months now (not really liked, but I think she's cute and all, etc.). I've had some simple and fast convos with her and she seems very cool. Today, I just happened to have a more lengthy convo with her when I was in there buying dog food. We went to school together, but were many grades apart (she was like a freshman when I was a senior). Somehow we connected very well in this conversation. She seemed like someone I could just be myself around and let loose and have a fun, funny conversation with. It was very attractive. She said she had seen me a few times in there and knew that she knew me from school, but didn't know my name. There were moments in the convo when our eyes connected sort of "initmately" like. Almost like we both knew we were having a good time talking to each other.

 

The only problem is that I know she has a bf or husband (I don't know what they are to each other). But nonetheless, it felt very good just to spend the small amount of time I spent with her. She made me feel good. It's nice for once. Really nice.

Edited August 14, 2016 by Tampitump

[iNow]

A gentle reminder that you can find kindness and connection in others. She is not currently available. She us spoken for. She is also, however, representative of the fact that you can connect with others, including those you happen to find attractive.

[Tampitump]

I know I've been saying repeatedly that I think I'm stupid, or of "low intelligence" on this forum, but I have a confession to make. I think I'm actually of rather high intelligence, but very self-conscious and of low self-esteem. I've always been this way. I think the thing that makes me feel as though my intelligence or wit is lower than average is the fact that no one seems to recognize my intellectual prowess. But I do think I must take into account the fact that I am from the American south. I feel that my intellect is almost always profoundly above the norm here. I don't like to be self-aggrandizing, but I don't think there is a brain in my small town here that even comes close to matching my intelligence. I think the reason I usually get dismissed and under-appreciated for my wit is because the buffoons in my life are too dumb to recognize it. Again, I don't mean to be self-righteous or rude towards them, but I think this hypothesis bears out. I also kind of lied about education. I'm currently attending community college with hopes of transferring to my state's flagship upon completion. I'll graduate next summer. I didn't mean to lie or troll this forum, I just felt like self-deprecating when I made this thread. Make of this what you will.

 

I think this girl thinks on the same wavelengths as me. We hit it off so well. Gosh, she was so much fun to talk to, and I felt like a little school boy talking to her. I could see myself being with her more often. I'm going to try to find her on facebook. I actually never asked her for her name. I can't believe I didn't do this. There goes my low-wit again! lol...just kidding.

[iNow]

Glad you had a good day. Some unsolicited advise? Don't obsess or ruminate. You'll merely scare her away.

[Tampitump]

Glad you had a good day. Some unsolicited advise? Don't obsess or ruminate. You'll merely scare her away.

I don't think I'm to that point yet, or will ever be. I'm over that kind of stuff. I just don't do it anymore.

[iNow]

It was a good interaction. Let it serve as a reminder they're enjoyable, appreciated, and (contrary to the persistent and misguided instructions of your neurotic mostly unconscious parts) hardly impossible.

[dimreepr]

The only problem is that I know she has a bf or husband (I don't know what they are to each other). But nonetheless, it felt very good just to spend the small amount of time I spent with her. She made me feel good. It's nice for once. Really nice.

 

 

 

I don't think I'm to that point yet, or will ever be. I'm over that kind of stuff. I just don't do it anymore.

 

 

You clearly want a relationship, but feigning humility won't trick/force/persuade someone into a real relationship, real humility is honestly being yourself, for one to be special one only has to believe one is.

[Tampitump]

At my age, even if you were normal-looking, the only women you'll find have already been down the road tens (or even hundreds) of times. They'll expect you to be as fluent and versed in dating and relationship stuff as they are. If you can't get it right, the relationship won't last. You gotta know the lingo, the movements, the dos and don'ts, etc. I have more confidence in my learning and understanding neuroscience than me catching onto that. Or you could find a girl who is just as pathetic as you are, who has never dated, and who is unwanted like you. But who wants that? I'd rather be single for life than to do that. There really are no other options. There are no wonderful, attractive women out there at my age who aren't already taken, or who aren't at least way ahead of guys like me in the dating/relationship world. And even if there were, they wouldn't even think about touching me with a 40 foot pole.

 

I'll never have a relationship. I know this as fact, not a hunch or opinion. It just doesn't happen for guys like me. I don't think the guys here really understand or grasp the severity of my repulsive looks. I also hate when people try to undermine it and grasp at straws to cheer me up about it. "Well, looks aren't everything." Sure they are. Please say the truth. I hate pussies who sit there and say a bunch of pansy ass bullshit like that. Of course looks are 100% of it. They aren't even just a big part of it, they are 100% of it. There is NO other factor. I'm speaking about the initial attraction part of it, not the relationship itself. There will never be an initial attraction for me because girls do not get past my revolting looks.They really are that bad. It's hard to look at myself in the mirror. I'm a freak. I'm not the kind that girls think is cute or adorable either. I'm the kind that frightens them and makes them recoil. There's just no way a girl will ever look at my face and feel love for me, or think of me as a "prince charming". I'm a freak.

 

The girl at the store the other night, I think, was trying to be overly nice, because that's what people do when they are trying to not be mean to someone whom they think is disadvantaged or pitiful. They don't want to act like they see your problems or your flaws, and sometimes they are overly-aggressively-nice. That's what she was doing, she wasn't attracted to me. I'm not sure why I'm even talking about that, of course she wasn't. It is impossible for a girl to be attracted to looks like mine.

 

I don't want a blind girl or someone I don't think is attractive. I have standards too. I'm not going to date for the sake of it. I think that's the problem with people. They date/marry as an end in itself. I see no reason whatsoever to do that. If there is anything that isn't an end in itself, its dating and marriage in my opinion. I think that's where the general public gets it completely, utterly, and ass-backwardsly wrong. Dating, in my opinion, should only be done when it is the right relationship and fit for you, not for a single other reason. If it can't be quality, or what you want, there is absolutely ZERO reasons to engage in it. ZERO.

 

Not to keep on the sorry talk, but I think my chances of having a girlfriend at this point are about as good as the chances that we'll see the invention of the perpetual motion machine within the next 48 hours. Even if the girl can make it past my looks, she'll have my personality to deal with, which you guys know first hand, is not very good either.

Edited August 19, 2016 by Tampitump

[Endy0816]

Stop with the self pity.

 

http://metro.co.uk/2015/06/22/ugandas-ugliest-man-has-become-a-father-for-the-eighth-time-5257601/

[Tampitump]

Stop with the self pity.

 

http://metro.co.uk/2015/06/22/ugandas-ugliest-man-has-become-a-father-for-the-eighth-time-5257601/

It's not self-pity.

[CharonY]

Considering that you claim not to have been in a relationship you are awfully certain about how women think and behave.

[StringJunky]

Considering that you claim not to have been in a relationship you are awfully certain about how women think and behave.

... and also what they like/don't like.

[iNow]

I've come to agree. On this particular subject, sir, you are your own worst enemy. The problem is not "out there," it's in the mirror... or more specifically, in what you see when the reflection reaches your retinas and gets processed by your mind.

[Tampitump]

I've come to agree. On this particular subject, sir, you are your own worst enemy. The problem is not "out there," it's in the mirror... or more specifically, in what you see when the reflection reaches your retinas and gets processed by your mind.

I'm not my own worst enemy. Everything I've said of myself is actually kind of conservative. All the empirical data (without exception) supports my assessments of myself. Your statements are mere euphemisms and straw grasping.

 

This is how girls/people in general have always treated me. I consider suicide quite often. I'm not suicidal now, but these realities often lead to a desire to die.

Edited August 21, 2016 by Tampitump

[iNow]

I disagree with your assessment of the unnecessary obstacles you're introducing for yourself. See also: The scores of times you've called yourself stupid in this thread and others. You may not see it, but we do.

[StringJunky]

I disagree with your assessment of the unnecessary obstacles you're introducing for yourself. See also: The scores of times you've called yourself stupid in this thread and others. You may not see it, but we do.

He is his own worse enemy.

[Tampitump]

Perhaps my view is shaped by depression. I don't know. My assessments of myself, my life, and my intellect seem pretty accurate to me. Whatever it is that women seem to want, I seem to always be the antithesis of that.

[dimreepr]

The choice is yours, be it depression or relationships, nobody can sort it for you, that doesn't mean you can't seek help (I strongly suggest you do) but ultimately it's down to you.

So stop whining and wallowing pathetically in self pity and do something about it, go see a doctor/professional/friend about the depression and the rest will sort itself out.

[Lyudmilascience]

 

The choice is yours, be it depression or relationships, nobody can sort it for you, that doesn't mean you can't seek help (I strongly suggest you do) but ultimately it's down to you.

 

So stop whining and wallowing pathetically in self pity and do something about it, go see a doctor/professional/friend about the depression and the rest will sort itself out.

 

I very much agree with dimreepr I think it is your depression and before you can get a girlfriend you might want to fix that.

 

I am currently friends with a guy that I met on a dating cite, he has severe social anxiety, depression and ocd. I have been telling him he is not the right guy for me and even debating weather or not we should stay friends because of his conditions. its even hard to be friends with people that have a severe mental illness. he told me that if I break up the friendship that he will kill himself and I was seriously worried, I don't know how he is at this point I got scared and stopped talking to him after that.

 

I do not know if I have depression but I try to be positive around guys especially ones I like I do not let my flaws show. I act in the best way possible to attract them. I might have depression but I do not think its severe enough to keep away other people because I get a lot happier around people if i do not think about myself.

[iNow]

Dealing with anger issues and emotional volatility (along with nurturing self-confidence) also go a long way toward improving ones mating and romantic coupling opportunities.