Microbiologist Brantley Hall of the University of Maryland in College Park and colleagues study the metabolism of gut microbes. They tried unsuccessfully to measure hydrogen production from gut microbes with a sensor in an oxygen-free chamber. Frustrated, “we took the sensor out of the chamber, and we were like, ‘Screw it. We’re going to try to measure a fart.’” So Hall stuck the device down his own pants and let rip. “And the signal was enormous.”

https://www.sciencenews.org/article/smart-underwear-human-fart-frequency

I'm simply going to be happy all day now, on the strength of knowing there is a real website called The Human Flatus Atlas.

Based on the data so far, I'm a proud "hydrogen hyperproducer."

The only way to cut output is, ironically, to cut the cheese.

I wonder if my wife would want those smart pants attached to her fit bit via an app lol.

If they can alleviate some gastric distress, it's easy to see this becoming a standard test at the primary care level, with a healthy range we're supposed to stay within. It does make me grin to think about people who test low, and are told they have to take/eat something to make them fart more. Their whole lives they've probably been secretly proud they aren't the crude heathens everyone else is.

There must be a fart frequency fast fourier transform (FFFFT)

I am reminded that, some years ago, I realized there must be a lab that tested toilet paper, with an artificial backside, in order for the companies to advertise that their product was doing a better job. I later ran across an article showing I was right - the lab butt was a bladder that folded over to simulate the geography of the rear, and could then be unfolded to measure how clean it was after wiping whatever viscous test substance they used.

17 minutes ago, swansont said:

I realized there must be a lab that tested toilet paper, with an artificial backside

Did you previously think all science jobs were as glamorous as yours ?
There are some poor biologists whose job it is to masturbate race horses and prize bulls to obtain semen for artificial insemination.
Thank God I didn't go into Biology ...

25 minutes ago, swansont said:

There must be a fart frequency fast fourier transform (FFFFT)

That would make for an interesting superposition state. The propagation integral would also have some interesting processes. Would definitely bring new meaning to the Greens function...

14 minutes ago, MigL said:

Did you previously think all science jobs were as glamorous as yours ?
There are some poor biologists whose job it is to masturbate race horses and prize bulls to obtain semen for artificial insemination.
Thank God I didn't go into Biology ...

Lol me too

Edited March 11Mar 11 by Mordred

4 hours ago, swansont said:

https://www.sciencenews.org/article/smart-underwear-human-fart-frequency

I just looked to the title and;

I do not say that the quality was lacking, I prefer to say that there was no quality.

This is what that article caused me to think and interrupted me to read further.

- my result: the direction or the aim is wrong to me. Consider also, whether the relevant personality who deemed as scientist in that article had psychiaric ilness.

1 hour ago, swansont said:

There must be a fart frequency fast fourier transform (FFFFT)

I am reminded that, some years ago, I realized there must be a lab that tested toilet paper, with an artificial backside, in order for the companies to advertise that their product was doing a better job. I later ran across an article showing I was right - the lab butt was a bladder that folded over to simulate the geography of the rear, and could then be unfolded to measure how clean it was after wiping whatever viscous test substance they used.

.... and is either a delusion or such a minimal relevance that not only neglectable but also waste of time.

in general, I tend not to make any comment in such context because I have tendency to deal with only intellectual side of literature.

2 hours ago, swansont said:

There must be a fart frequency fast fourier transform (FFFFT)

I am reminded that, some years ago, I realized there must be a lab that tested toilet paper, with an artificial backside, in order for the companies to advertise that their product was doing a better job. I later ran across an article showing I was right - the lab butt was a bladder that folded over to simulate the geography of the rear, and could then be unfolded to measure how clean it was after wiping whatever viscous test substance they used.

to me, this is Non intellectual aim generated by someone who deemed to deal with scientific contexts.

inshaAllah ,Allah will protect me to deal with something which is not necessarily needed.

1 hour ago, ahmet said:

I just looked to the title and;

I do not say that the quality was lacking, I prefer to say that there was no quality.

This is what that article caused me to think and interrupted me to read further.

- my result: the direction or the aim is wrong to me. Consider also, whether the relevant personality who deemed as scientist in that article had psychiaric ilness.

.... and is either a delusion or such a minimal relevance that not only neglectable but also waste of time.

in general, I tend not to make any comment in such context because I have tendency to deal with only intellectual side of literature.

to me, this is Non intellectual aim generated by someone who deemed to deal with scientific contexts.

inshaAllah ,Allah will protect me to deal with something which is not necessarily needed.

I'm very glad you were able to abstain from posting about it then. Although I found your "waste of time" joke VERY funny, you rascal.

5 minutes ago, Phi for All said:

Although I found your "waste of time" joke VERY funny, you rascal.

For sure, it is NOT a joke.

But of course that would be the reader's selection to accept the critique or not.

Here, or in reality; being poor regarding thoughts/opinions is bad thing (and obviously, that is the thing what I said in other words)

Edited March 11Mar 11 by ahmet

3 hours ago, ahmet said:

in general, I tend not to make any comment in such context because I have tendency to deal with only intellectual side of literature.

But you've already made two posts/comments in this thread.
Obviously not a man of your word.

I, myself, think there could be a real market for noise cancelling underwear.
To avoid those embarrassing situations in meetings, church, libraries, etc. after having beans for lunch.

5 hours ago, ahmet said:

I just looked to the title and;

I do not say that the quality was lacking, I prefer to say that there was no quality.

This is what that article caused me to think and interrupted me to read further.

- my result: the direction or the aim is wrong to me. Consider also, whether the relevant personality who deemed as scientist in that article had psychiaric ilness.

.... and is either a delusion or such a minimal relevance that not only neglectable but also waste of time.

in general, I tend not to make any comment in such context because I have tendency to deal with only intellectual side of literature.

to me, this is Non intellectual aim generated by someone who deemed to deal with scientific contexts.

inshaAllah ,Allah will protect me to deal with something which is not necessarily needed.

Lighten up, Francis

8 minutes ago, swansont said:

Lighten up, Francis

Yes I understand you can indeed light farts.

There was also that Frenchman who could fart in tune.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Le_P%C3%A9tomane

6 hours ago, ahmet said:

to me, this is Non intellectual aim generated by someone who deemed to deal with scientific contexts.

One of these days, this science could save your life!

8 hours ago, swansont said:

There must be a fart frequency fast fourier transform (FFFFT)

I put that in a search engine and it backfired.

7 hours ago, studiot said:

Yes I understand you can indeed light farts.

There was also that Frenchman who could fart in tune.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Le_P%C3%A9tomane

Yes a guy I knew at school collected a fart over water, using a jam jar in the bath and was then able to set light to it.

A slight digression, but the place of the fart in literature could be interesting to explore. It famously features in the Canterbury Tales for instance. And there is a rather good passage in Kingsley Amis's "The Old Devils", involving a Welshman called Alun Weaver:

"...There followed a brisk walk of a hundred yards to a short driveway, at whose entrance he abruptly checked his stride. Standing quite motionless he gazed before him with a faraway look that a passer-by, especially a Welsh passer-by, might have taken for one of moral if not spiritual insight, such that he might instantly renounce whatever course of action he had laid down for himself. After a moment something like a harsh bark broke from the lower half of his trunk, followed by a fluctuating whinny and a thud that sounded barely organic, let alone human. Silence, but for faint birdsong. Then, like a figure in a restarted film, he stepped keenly off again and was soon ringing the bell in a substantial brick porch......."

The birdsong is a nice touch, I feel.🙂

2 hours ago, exchemist said:

The birdsong is a nice touch, I feel.🙂

Must have been a partridge

A night on Chinese food and beer in Singapore in the 1960's would ensure an ample sample............

Edited March 12Mar 12 by OldTony

4 hours ago, sethoflagos said:

Must have been a partridge

Or it could be this avian species, though the writer finds that the expulsion of air from the cloaca is not a true fart, i.e. discharge of intestinal gas

Michael Whitehead

Does Australia’s farting bird pass the sniff test?

Legend has it that skulking on Austalia’s forest floors is a bird which forages for earthworms by farting. The hapless worms are so startled by the sensory assault of a Bassian thrush’s…

21 hours ago, MigL said:

Obviously not a man of your word.

And you suppose I will pay attention what you say in this regard? I do not ask such a thing to someone like you.

21 hours ago, MigL said:

church

if I prefer to ask, two criteria are mandatory to be satisfied:

he must be muslim

he must know me.

even in such a case, redirecting the question does not mean that it would certainly be accepted. it will just mean that I would be able to handle/care the opinion.

On 3/11/2026 at 11:45 AM, MigL said:

Did you previously think all science jobs were as glamorous as yours ?
There are some poor biologists whose job it is to masturbate race horses and prize bulls to obtain semen for artificial insemination.
Thank God I didn't go into Biology ...

Hold on, do you really think all we do is masturbate horses and perhaps dissecting dolphin clitorises https://www.cell.com/current-biology/fulltext/S0960-9822(21)01544-X ?

Sometimes we have to do non-fun stuff, too you know?

On 3/12/2026 at 11:33 AM, exchemist said:

A slight digression, but the place of the fart in literature could be interesting to explore. It famously features in the Canterbury Tales for instance. And there is a rather good passage in Kingsley Amis's "The Old Devils", involving a Welshman called Alun Weaver:

The maverick Victorian adventurer, linguist and explorer Sir Richard Burton (1821-1890) made a scholarly contribution on this topic while serving as the British Consul in Trieste from 1872 onwards.

https://greatbritishnutters.blogspot.com/2008/03/sir-richard-burton-gone-to-devil.html

“One afternoon he marched into a room where Isabel was entertaining her chattering lady friends, slapped his latest manuscript down on the coffee table and stomped from the room without a word. It was entitled “A History of Farting”.

Unfortunately this unusual piece of scholarship did not long survive his demise from a heart attack in 1890 aged sixty-nine, and the protective behaviour of his wife.

If Isabel’s behaviour that day was odd, what she did next was unforgivable. Within a fortnight of Burton’s death, she had burned nearly all his papers: intimate diaries, notebooks, letters and manuscripts. Forty years of work by a brilliant man up in flames.

She did it, she said, to protect public morality. She saw her husband’s interest in sexuality as purely scientific, but feared others would read his journals “for filth’s sake”

6 hours ago, toucana said:

She did it, she said, to protect public morality. She saw her husband’s interest in sexuality as purely scientific, but feared others would read his journals “for filth’s sake”

Rarely do I encounter a better reason for reading journals.

Regarding the side topic of scientists masturbating racehorses or dissecting dolphin clitori, I think an enjoyable day can be spent collecting cougar poo...

USGS

Genetic analysis of scats reveals minimum number and sex...

Recent records of mountain lions Puma concolor and concurrent declines in desert bighorn sheep Ovis canadensis mexicana on Kofa National Wildlife Refuge in Arizona, United States, have prompted invest

Recent records of mountain lions Puma concolor and concurrent declines in desert bighorn sheep Ovis canadensis mexicana on Kofa National Wildlife Refuge in Arizona, United States, have prompted investigations to estimate the number of mountain lions occurring there. We performed noninvasive genetic analyses and identified species, individuals, and sex from scat samples collected from the Kofa and Castle Dome Mountains. From 105 scats collected, we identified a minimum of 11 individual mountain lions. These individuals consisted of six males, two females and three of unknown sex. Three of the 11 mountain lions were identified multiple times over the study period. These estimates supplement previously recorded information on mountain lions in an area where they were historically considered only transient. We demonstrate that noninvasive genetic techniques, especially when used in conjunction with camera-trap and radiocollaring methods, can provide additional and reliable information to wildlife managers, particularly on secretive species like the mountain lion.

22 hours ago, TheVat said:

poo

yeaaahhh about that. Let's just say take shallow breaths in my walk-in freezer.