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The Official JOKES SECTION :)

YT2095
in The Lounge

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A classic:

 

 

[...] let me know about the electrons protons and neutrons

I've found them to be untrustworthy, mostly because they make up everything.

 

 

(any rep should go to the original authors)
  • 2 weeks later...

I do have a very nice "Yo mama" joke:

Yo mama so fat, her atoms fuse!

Of course, her atoms fuse because her mass is so big, nuclear fusion happens, just like in the sun. Apparently because I am in middle school, non of my friends get this sadly, and I would have to explain to them.

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listedcompany.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows,with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

 

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy...


AN AUSTRALIAN COMPANY

You have 2 cows

It's a nice day, you go to the pub.

 

A NEW ZEALAND COMPANY

You have 2 cows

One has the same beautiful eyes as your favorite ewe

 

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

 

 

NB Not my work, no idea whose, been around for a decade, I think.

Edited by menageriemanor

Sooner or later it had to happen...

 

 

531467_545808662106745_2078452654_n.jpg

 

 

No! No! No! Wait for it... The Big Bang...

Edited by Moontanman

Tips for those of you planning to attend the big parade...

 

734520_546187952068318_1904302666_n.jpg

  • 2 weeks later...

Can you mix God with technology?

 

The answer is Yes:

 

attachicon.gifScreenShot088.jpg

 

Bearing in the trouble the RC Church has had with the sexual predilections of many of its priests - I am not sure about the placement of that switch

Edited by imatfaal
trying to spell

    • 1

    I am not sure about the placement of that switch

     

    Seriously. The switch 'goes up' when you 'turn on' the light, and there are children around. Whoever made this was either doing it for humor or had a bit too much wine at mass.

    in a sense this is probably irrelevant to this topic.

     

    this is always funny, well, for me anyways.

     

    •
    1

    What does Benoit B. Mandelbrot's middle initial stand for ?

     

    Benoit B. Mandelbrot

    •
    3

    "I'm sorry I punched you in the face, but the law of conservation of happiness states that your pain equals my pleasure."

    •
    1

    Mrs Moontanman is obviously a talented photographer - and congrats on your title :-D

    Mrs Moontanman liked that one...

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