dealing with people living in a different world?

[Lyudmilascience]

How do I deal with people who live in their own world? my mom has some crazy beliefs and dosen't really pay attention to anything in this world. My mom believes in breatharianism ,this is what it is http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Breatharianism (but she dosen't think there's any space ship) She thinks that people can live without food and water. She thinks that a person can turn partially into a god and live without food and water. she also believes in chacras, does yoga and believes that some people are magical.

 

Every time I talk to her about finding a job or just asking for advice on something she always brings up her beliefs and her solution to anything is something like repeat a mantra. I ask her if there is any science behind it she says none but I just have to believe her.

 

Is it okay to cut my mom out of my life? it bothers me that she can only think about her beliefs and judges everything from this point of view, she did not used to be like this. but I just do not like spending time with her, or talking to her. Since I was a teen she got these crazy beliefs, and that was the point in my life when I needed her I really wanted to be close with her but she didn't want to with me. How do I explain to her that I do not want to be around her because she cant let go of her beliefs and they interfere with our relationship?

she makes me worry because she tells me that if she stops doing yoga she will get all these health problems and I do not know how to reassure her she is going to be fine, she dosen't believe me when I tell her shes fine. she also says she never gets enough time doing yoga and sometimes she feels pain and tightness inside from not doing enough yoga.

what can I do? its just so difficult to deal with her.

[Tampitump]

I know what you mean. My mother doesn't hold beliefs like this, but she's still delusional and impoosible to reason with most of the time. Neither of my parents are critical thinkers now that I think about it. They are simple country folk, which is worse than anything you just rattled off about your mom.

[DrP]

There are health benefits to Yoga - it keeps you stretchy and fit. I wouldn't cut her out - that seems a bit mean, but isn't my business. It is up to you.

 

You could try ridicule? If she starts spouting her tripe you could refer to it as backward rubbish or something and laugh at her - I doubt she'll change and if it makes her happy then why should she? Or just educate her as to the actual facts of the things she is into... doubt she'll listen though. I dunno - I feel for you - good luck what ever you do. Stay happy.

[Phi for All]

People with poor critical thinking skills rely much more on their emotions to tell them how the world works. They pose a question to themselves, figure out something that "feels right", and consider that question answered. No amount of reason is going to change their minds on the subject, and might actually make them believe their own gut feeling even more.

 

You need to learn how to deal with folks like this via emotion. Reasoning does little. If she's convinced Breatharianism is real, tell her you heard that Breatharianism was started by a Big Pharma company with a treatment for skin cancer, as a way to get people to stay out in the sun too long. When she presses you for details, tell her that's all you know about it. Don't give her data; let her emotions work on the information.

 

As for the chakras and yoga, do you consider this an obsession? You don't say how old your mother is. I can tell you that as you get older, you need some extra stretching and movement to keep your body limber. On the other hand, if she's not eating right, she's going to be feeling wrong no matter what. If she's not getting the right nutrients, the extra sunlight doesn't have the right materials to work with. Figure out how to make this an emotional appeal that dovetails with the idea of light being sustenance. You can make this work, but you need to modify her behavior by first modifying your own. Try a different approach.

[dimreepr]

How do I deal with people who live in their own world? my mom has some crazy beliefs and dosen't really pay attention to anything in this world. My mom believes in breatharianism ,this is what it is http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Breatharianism (but she dosen't think there's any space ship) She thinks that people can live without food and water. She thinks that a person can turn partially into a god and live without food and water. she also believes in chacras, does yoga and believes that some people are magical.

 

Every time I talk to her about finding a job or just asking for advice on something she always brings up her beliefs and her solution to anything is something like repeat a mantra. I ask her if there is any science behind it she says none but I just have to believe her.

 

Is it okay to cut my mom out of my life? it bothers me that she can only think about her beliefs and judges everything from this point of view, she did not used to be like this. but I just do not like spending time with her, or talking to her. Since I was a teen she got these crazy beliefs, and that was the point in my life when I needed her I really wanted to be close with her but she didn't want to with me. How do I explain to her that I do not want to be around her because she cant let go of her beliefs and they interfere with our relationship?

she makes me worry because she tells me that if she stops doing yoga she will get all these health problems and I do not know how to reassure her she is going to be fine, she dosen't believe me when I tell her shes fine. she also says she never gets enough time doing yoga and sometimes she feels pain and tightness inside from not doing enough yoga.

what can I do? its just so difficult to deal with her.

 

 

Just accept her world view is different to yours, unless her health is seriously compromised.

[zapatos]

The solution I usually follow is to disengage with them. I don't try to change their beliefs, or get hostile with them, or get angry with them. I simply reduce my interactions with them. The amount of disengagement varies with the person; I can't see cutting close family out of my life completely so I would just reduce my interactions with them, but with people less important to me I might completely cut them out.

[elfmotat]

You could try being honest with her. Write her a letter so that you can organize your thoughts, and tell her basically what you told us: that her divorce from reality is causing a rift in your relationship, you find it unhealthy, and you've considered cutting her out of your life because of it. Maybe she'll do some self-reflection, maybe not. Worth a try though.

[Lyudmilascience]

I am honest with her, she is just cold towards my feelings, I told her I want to improve our relationship. she told me our relationship is fine. I fixed the problems a long time ago. i told her I think it could be better. she did not say anything to that, I do not know why buy i felt so upset that day, I went in my room and cried after that, she just dose not care whether or not Iam upset form her communication towards me.

So what i am saying is I do not like our relationship i do not know how to fix it and like you guys said I honestly do not think cutting her out is a good idea i would feel bad about it. I am stuck in a position i do not like and do not know how to change it. every time i cry she either says you have to toughen up because your problems are all minor crying over nothing or you just want to cry, you are just doing it for attention. she dosent understand me or look at things form my point of view.

thankyou for your responses. emotional people do rely on emotion to describe the world but she doesn't show emotion that much she doesn't smile or get angry. but she lives in a different reality and does not listen to what I am saying or just contradicts it. I hope things will get better once I find friends or another relationship. I just hove no friends so i rely on her as a friend.

[DrP]

It is not uncommon - my father is a racist, misogynistic, bigot who hates everyone who isn't a drinking buddy, a fellow racist or of his or a member of his family. I swore early in my life that I would NEVER treat a woman the way he treats my mother. I have challenged him many times over things and he just thinks I am a trouble maker who likes to cause arguments, he NEVER looks inward as a result of being criticised, he always blames the person who is doing the criticising for just not minding their own business or for stirring up trouble. He is selfish and spends any and all of his money on alcohol even if his family has to go without.... I keep the peace with him because my Nan begged me to as he takes his anger out on my mother if I argue with him. I love my mother and keep the peace with him so I can go and see her... I still sorta love him unconditionally as a father, but I do not like him - he a complete arsehole.

 

So - I feel for you - If you look at from another angle then it could be so, so, so much worse, so count your blessings and choose to be happy friend. Good luck. x

[Lyudmilascience]

It is not uncommon - my father is a racist, misogynistic, bigot who hates everyone who isn't a drinking buddy, a fellow racist or of his or a member of his family. I swore early in my life that I would NEVER treat a woman the way he treats my mother. I have challenged him many times over things and he just thinks I am a trouble maker who likes to cause arguments, he NEVER looks inward as a result of being criticised, he always blames the person who is doing the criticising for just not minding their own business or for stirring up trouble. He is selfish and spends any and all of his money on alcohol even if his family has to go without.... I keep the peace with him because my Nan begged me to as he takes his anger out on my mother if I argue with him. I love my mother and keep the peace with him so I can go and see her... I still sorta love him unconditionally as a father, but I do not like him - he a complete arsehole.

 

So - I feel for you - If you look at from another angle then it could be so, so, so much worse, so count your blessings and choose to be happy friend. Good luck. x

thanks It kind of makes me feel better but count your blessings and your so lucky does not, it makes me worry that I get too much and i do not deserve it, it makes me feel guilty for being spoiled. I really appreciate everything i have and I feel like I am doing as much as i can to show my appreciation. But i am not the one spoiling myself and I still do not feel good in life. It bothers me that people tell me you should be happy in life because your so lucky and i still dont feel happy. i do not know how to make myself happy.

[DrP]

No one is happy all of the time. ;-) We are are complex creatures and experience lots of thoughts and emotions, they are part of life as a human being. Be yourself. When I said to choose to be happy it was just meant as encouragement, don't read too much into it (it's not always possible anyway). I have a friend that says that intelligent people can over think things and get depressed. I guess it is just life. You have to make your own decisions.

 

You seem like a very honest, brave and intelligent person to me. This thread is very personal and you are very open about your feelings in this very public place. I can be a bit self conscious sometimes but try to be open and honest. Sometimes it can be good to talk about feelings and emotions and things. On the whole I have had a lot of joy from life and really love it.

[Lyudmilascience]

No one is happy all of the time. ;-) We are are complex creatures and experience lots of thoughts and emotions, they are part of life as a human being. Be yourself. When I said to choose to be happy it was just meant as encouragement, don't read too much into it (it's not always possible anyway). I have a friend that says that intelligent people can over think things and get depressed. I guess it is just life. You have to make your own decisions.

 

You seem like a very honest, brave and intelligent person to me. This thread is very personal and you are very open about your feelings in this very public place. I can be a bit self conscious sometimes but try to be open and honest. Sometimes it can be good to talk about feelings and emotions and things. On the whole I have had a lot of joy from life and really love it.

thank you , I am a very honest an emotional person and I just do not have any place to release all my emotion so I end up never satisfied writing or thinking about it. i do over think things because I want to solve my own problems. I don't have too many things in science on here because I do not know that much. so I mainly just read others posts and post on opinion ones. I wish I was less emotional and more motivated to learn science. The things I want to be good at are not the things I am actually good at. Its hard to live with that.

[StringJunky]

thank you , I am a very honest an emotional person and I just do not have any place to release all my emotion so I end up never satisfied writing or thinking about it. i do over think things because I want to solve my own problems. I don't have too many things in science on here because I do not know that much. so I mainly just read others posts and post on opinion ones. I wish I was less emotional and more motivated to learn science. The things I want to be good at are not the things I am actually good at...

... yet. People are only good at something because they've practised it for long enough to be good at it. Pick what you want to do, then learn and practice. It takes a good few years to be expert at something.