Here at work we have 2 urinals and 3 stalls, for more serious business. When I have to use one of these stalls, I always choose an outside stall, fully expecting the next potential toilet client to choose the other outside stall - leaving the middle stall for emergency use only.

 

But we have a class of employee here that's just way too damn socially comfortable and will choose the middle stall, even when one of the outside stalls are EMPTY! Why? Why oh why do you do this?!?!

 

Here I am, minding my own business and some a-hole would rather sit close to a half naked man dropping bunker busters in an industrial ceramic bowl, than to sit a few more feet away and create some comfortable distance. Come on, people! No one should have to tell you this is NOT COOL.

 

Just like no one should really have to tell you to wash your creepy hands after using the bathroom, equivalently no one should have to tell you not to violate the man laws of bathroom etiquette - that we are to keep our eyes on the ground, or straight ahead at a wall, and we don't talk until we leave the bathroom, and we don't get close under any circumstances - and if it should happen anyway, we are to act like it is absolutely repulsive.

 

Choosing the middle stall when an outside stall is available is a direct violation of male bathroom law. Really, this should cross gender lines too - why would anyone elect to sit closer to someone else emptying their bowels? Really, why?

 

Are you the guy? Be honest...

Do they use a wide stance?

You should definitely send a link to this around to everyone in your office:

 

http://blog.xkcd.com/2009/09/02/urinal-protocol-vulnerability/

 

It was annoying back in the dorms because we had four stalls, not three, so even when there were two open you had to violate the Protocol to pick one. And man, some of those people made strange noises.

 

Side note: my dad works in noise control. For a while now I've been nagging him to design the HushFlush, a silent toilet design that doesn't echo or amplify. He'd make a fortune.

to be honest, i've never seen the point in the 'man laws' of bathroom etiquette. and besides, i thought the space rule only applied to urinals.

 

anyway, i don't really give a crap about them. i'll use whichever's free. it's not wanting to sit close to anyone, its just figuring that the other person taking a dump is adult enough to be able to handle the fact that other people need to take a dump/slash too.

 

man up and stop caring about it.

One thing to consider is that proximity is not necessarily the only factor. Men's rooms, as a general rule, are disgusting. Sometimes I think I'm one the few adult males capable of successfully operating a toilet. I would take the far stall, all things being equal, but not if somebody clogged it, or pissed all over the seat, or something.

 

That isn't a problem with urinals, since all one has to do is stand near it. Unnecessary adjacent urinal use is rightly condemned.

to be honest, i've never seen the point in the 'man laws' of bathroom etiquette. and besides, i thought the space rule only applied to urinals.

 

anyway, i don't really give a crap about them. i'll use whichever's free. it's not wanting to sit close to anyone, its just figuring that the other person taking a dump is adult enough to be able to handle the fact that other people need to take a dump/slash too.

 

man up and stop caring about it.

 

Ah ha!! So you're the guy! I knew there was something about you IA...

 

Also, please note that I said the middle stall(s) is for emergency use only - not to never be used (even though my subtitle suggests total exclusion...my bad). I think you can lend a bit of respect and choose a further stall when it's not necessary to share your purgative grunt skills with such intimate proximity to strangers.

 

Side note: my dad works in noise control. For a while now I've been nagging him to design the HushFlush, a silent toilet design that doesn't echo or amplify. He'd make a fortune.

 

Hell yeah. Great idea.

 

Of course, the other issue is "panting". Almost worse than all out grunting are the people who get winded taking a dump. 'Uh..why are you out of breath, dude?'

 

Who would have thought a bowel movement could raise someone's heart rate?

Men's bathroom law should've been included in John Locke's "Natural and Inaliable Rights of Man". The right to empty one's bowels without fear of an audience or the most hated "inter-stall conversationist".

Hell yeah. Great idea.

 

Of course' date=' the other issue is "panting". Almost worse than all out grunting are the people who get winded taking a dump. 'Uh..why are you out of breath, dude?' [/quote']

 

Looks like someone needs a sound princess

Link

Looks like someone needs a sound princess

Link

 

That's awesome!

 

"I still haven't heard of men who say they want 'Oto-hime' in men's rooms," said Goto.

 

Uh, I want Oto-hime in men's restrooms here in the states. There, now it's official.

Reading the Cap'ns link I found that someone had put the article into a pdf for printing.

http://dl.dropbox.com/u/1180398/Urinal_protocol_vulnerability.pdf

 

Print and post ParanoiA.

 

Alternatively, you could suggest your coworkers watch this educational film on the subject.

http://z-studios.com/films/mre/

Edited July 17, 201015 yr by JohnB

have them play this men's bathroom etiquette game... they'll get it eventually:

 

http://gamescene.com/The_Urinal_Game_game.html

man up and stop caring about it.

QFT

Lies. Real men are toilet ninjas. No sound should ever escape.

One thing to consider is that proximity is not necessarily the only factor. Men's rooms, as a general rule, are disgusting. Sometimes I think I'm one the few adult males capable of successfully operating a toilet.

 

This +1 definitely. Heck if I care who's using the stalls around me - but most of the time I'm not using them, seeing as how some things that end up on the seat leave me yearning to know how it's possible they got that on the seat without purposeful intent =\

All I can think of is the Cheech and Chong movie where Cheech pisses on Sargent Stedinkos leg in the bathroom of the police department while the Sergent is desperately looking for the van made of fiber-grass which Cheech is driving around town

That comic was a riot.