the tree Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 Next: Top 10 accomplishments of those friendly Canadians. 10. Not being the Americans. 9-1. What else do you need? Next topic: reasons why Engaland will win the world cup. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phi for All Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 10. Not being the Americans. 9-1. What else do you need? Next topic: reasons why Engaland will win the world cup. 10. Just blatantly arrogant enough to pull it off9. Will probably have a less sissy uniform than the other team 8. Kipper power 7. Enormous bribes 6. Brazil will be laughing too hard 5. Gas from Essex gives them a boost 4. Shagging the referees 3. Will do anything to embarass Germany 2. Wants privilege of spelling it "socker" 1. the tree needs someplace to pee Top 10 Really Bad Wines Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rakdos Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 Top 10 Really Bad Wines 10. chateau de pork chop 9. chateau de Taco 8. chateau de 10w-30 7. chateau de petrol 6. chateau de peanut butter 5. chateau de armpit 4. chateau de cheese 3. chateau de sock 2. chateau de liquid paper 1. chateau de rotten eggs Top 10 what not to say to a police officer when pulled over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the tree Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 Top 10 what not to say to a police officer when pulled over. 10. Honest to drunk, I'm not God! 9. Nah mon, I never drink the achohol, keep it natty mon, thas Rasti for ya (especially if you're clearly of the WASP persuasion) 8. Duuuude, I so want to try on your hat. 7. Ya know I weren't speeding, ma ho's like to take it slow. 6. Maybe you ought to talk to my friend Judge John Deed. He's not a real judge? Oh. 5. If you think I was going fast you should see your mother. 4. Aren't us homosexual narcoleptic cows in man costumes expempt from the save driving laws? 3. Road? What the hell is a road? 2. By my point of reference, I was hardly moving at all. 1. Well if it isn't PC Plod... Next topic: the most obscure non-alchohol based hangover cures. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ecoli Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 Top 10 what not to say to a police officer when pulled over. This has already been done (check out post 6)... come up with a different one! edit: damn, crossposted with Tree. Are we going to try and avoid repeats, or does it matter? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ecoli Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 Next topic: the most obscure non-alchohol based hangover cures. 10) Drinking hot cofee while taking a cold shower. 9) playing music really loudly until you pass out. Awake after hangover has passed. 8) Split skull with sledgehammer 7) 1 part tabasco sauce, 1 part carrot juice, with a squeeze of lemon 6) Drive to the top of a mountain in search of the largest female eagle. Steal the egg/eaglet. allow mother to claw out your eyes. 5) stand upside for 4 hours... this won't cure the hangover, but at least we can get a good laugh at you trying to stand on your head. 4) apply duct tape to eyebrows, then pull really fast. 3) play poker with a midget 2) get your weak human kidneys replaced with superior robotic ones. 1) The Joke's on you! homosexual narcoleptic cows in man costumes don't get hangovers!!! 10 reasons I shouldn't have gone to work/school today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phi for All Posted June 15, 2006 Share Posted June 15, 2006 10 reasons I shouldn't have gone to work/school today. 10. Buzzard circling my car 9. Washed hair with coffee, microwaved my shampoo 8. Boss called and said, "Take the rest of your life off" 7. Studied till 3 am for Music Appreciation final, forgot about Quantum Mechanics 6. Pulled the "Death" card at Madame Luna's 5. Left underwear at teacher's house 4. Dog ate my whole briefcase 3. Coughed up pancreas 2. Psychic Hotline lady burst into tears and hung up 1. Got fired/expelled three months ago Top 10 Things That Sink Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
herme3 Posted June 17, 2006 Share Posted June 17, 2006 Top 10 Things That Stink: 10. Bathrooms 9. Locker Rooms 8. Rotten Eggs 7. Sour Milk 6. Rotten Cheese 5. Old Cars 4. Girls (Except my best friend) 3. Guys 2. Me 1. Life Next Topic: Top 10 Worst Things To Say To A Pretty Girl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
padren Posted June 17, 2006 Share Posted June 17, 2006 Top 10 Things That Sink (but may not stink) 10. Loose Lips 9. Golf balls when I play, even if there are no water hazards 8. Really Big Unsinkable Ships on maiden voyages 7. Hope for a democrat with a clue when one of them opens their mouth 6. Glasses when looking over the side of the warf 5. Fellow SFNer's opinion of my capacity for making humorous top 10 posts. 4. Heat away from my CPU (when I have it installed right ) 3. homosexual narcoleptic cows in man costumes (like a garden gnome) 2. garden gnomes 1. Second term approval ratings Top 10 Worst Things To Say To A Pretty Girl 10. That's exactly what I think too. 9. Oh yeah, I was also thinking we should just be friends - thats actually better for me. 8. Any of these 7. I know I've asked you this waaay too many times, but what is your name again? 6. You look....nice 5. You know...you're always screaming in all my nightmares, whats up with that? 4. I hate you on principle 3. Stop talking, keep drinking 2. You're legal right? 1. I keep a baggie of massage oil in the back of my van if you are interested. Top 10 foods and/or technologies that should never be combined: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phi for All Posted June 18, 2006 Share Posted June 18, 2006 5. Fellow SFNer's opinion of my capacity for making humorous top 10 posts.On the contrary, yours were my favorite so far. Top 10 foods and/or technologies that should never be combined: 10. Carbonated drink centrifuge 9. Plasma bikinis 8. Kellogg's Pork Krispies 7. Quantum mustard 6. Balsa wood microprocessors 5. Hover anvils 4. Post Mutton Bran 3. Superconducting whipped cream 2. Near-frictionless carbon-coated shoes 1. Nanobratwurst Top 10 Best Father's Day Gifts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
padren Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 Top 10 Best Father's Day Gifts 10. Micro-lasergun necktie (for those bad meetings with the boss) 9. Most of these (not to mention the other categories) 8. Copterpack if he works on a high floor and hates the crowded elevators 7. An A+ on your final exam 6. Orthopedic shoes 5. Army of 3" tall robotic ninjas 4. Pre-paid weekend trip to vermont for him and the misses (house party ) 3. One of those swear-word button gizmos, but in the voice of his most annoying co-worker 2. His own water cooler for the office, stocked instead with his favorite bourbon 1. Let him beat you at basketball one last time Top 10 strategies domestic animals may use to take over the world Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AzurePhoenix Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 Top 10 strategies domestic animals may use to take over the world 10. Pets of world leaders will pool their collective intel and blackmail their owners with dirty pictures and incriminating recordings 9. Fed up with abuse, lab rats will team up with fleas again for a new Black Death 8. Utilizing their unequalled fluffy cuteness, chinchillas will make their way into the loving homes of the majority of the world's population, then smother their owners while they sleep 7. Cow-milk bio-engineered to house sleeper-enzymes that after a year's time will unleash a catalytic meltdown in anyone with a taste for dairy 6. You know how pet taratnulas are harmless? That's just what they WANT you to think. 5. Bees, lots of them, wanting their honey back, will form a kamikaze force the likes of which the world has never seen 4. All pets will cooperate to hide all of the world's television remotes, leading to mass chaos. In the resulting mayhem, humanity will inevitably destroy itself. 3. Dolphins working together with techno-savvy squirrels will use satelites to broadcast brain-killing echolotory pulses across the face of the planet. 2. The animal nation will simply replace Bush with one of their Chimps. No one will ever notice. 1. Human dominion is only an illusion anyway; the Hyperintelligent Pandimensional Mice rule all! Ten Reasons NOT to hate/maim/execute Paris Hilton &/or Lindsey Lohan (good luck ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phi for All Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 [b']Top 10 strategies domestic animals may use to take over the world[/b]OK, this one is my new favorite! Ten Reasons NOT to hate/maim/execute Paris Hilton &/or Lindsey Lohan [b'](good luck )[/b] 10. Ummm... they're both... errr... people? 9. Hate is a four-letter word 8. Paris might get you some extra pillow mints at one of her family's hotels 7. One more film for Lindsey and her Disney contract is done 6. Who would feed their pets? 5. Maim Paris and you'll mess up her shot at taking out Lindsey 4. Do what you want to Paris but leave Lindsey alone! 3. Either one could spare a lab rat much suffering 2. Eating them would be more ecological 1. Maiming wastes perfectly good donor tissue Top 10 Rejected Patents Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reor Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 Top 10 Rejected Patents 10. cutlery for pets 9. squirrel mayonnaise (made of squirrels) 8. waterproof sponge 7. blunt scalpels 6. inedible plastic food (oh, wait...) 5. fake tinfoil (made of gold) 4. shoes with spikes on the in-side 3. Paris Hilton repellent (patent "pending") 2. flee termination device (a very small hammer) 1. perpetuum mobile Next: Top 10 things not to do while in wake surgery (either as doctor or patient) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phi for All Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 Please define "wake surgery". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
insane_alien Posted June 19, 2006 Share Posted June 19, 2006 Top 10 things not to do while in wake surgery (doctor) 10. say "oops" 9. say "Nurse, hand me the icecream scoop and wafer" 8. try to have sex with the patient 7. urinate in the sink 6. drop an instrument and pick it up and clean it by wiping it on your jeans. 5. talk about the last operation, which was unsuccessful 4. half way through ask the nurse "whats this squishy bit?" 3. answer to his/her reply "is it important?" 2. whip out a chainsaw. 1. faint at the first sight of blood Next: Top 10 things not to say when your the first person to land on mars. P.S. wake surgery is where the patient is concious throughout the procedure. usually minor operations or brain ops where they need to make sure that they're not prodding the wrong place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phi for All Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 Top 10 things not to say when your the first person to land on mars. 10. "There's a spot over there closer to the canal." 9. "Let me out, I gotta go BAD!" 8. "Venus would have been warmer." 7. "Pass the green face paint." 6. "Mission Control, we've found the canal. We've also found a man in a gondola singing, 'La Donna è Mobile'!" 5. "Resistance is futile!" 4. "Where's the beach?" 3. "I'm the first person to land on Mars! Nyah, nya-nya nyah nyah!" 2. "Can we go home now?" 1. "Where did I put the Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?" Next: Top 10 Things NOT to Put in Your Mouth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raptor Posted October 1, 2007 Share Posted October 1, 2007 Next: Top 10 Things NOT to Put in Your Mouth 10. Superglue 9. Glow-in-the-dark radium paintbrush in the days before nuclear safety. 8. Confetti you find at a party and fail to recognize as LSD. 7. Switchblade with far-too-sensitive button. 6. Fugu prepared by antisocial and/or dangerously incompetent Japanese Chef. 5. Gun barrel to satisfy oral fixation. 4. Live grenade, having just thrown the safety pin by mistake. 3. Elemental potassium 2. Gloved hand after working with a patient who's flu-like symptoms tragically turn out to be ebola. 1. Liquid nitrogen. Next: Ten most bizarre motives/excuses for killing someone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the tree Posted October 1, 2007 Share Posted October 1, 2007 Next: Ten most bizarre motives/excuses for killing someone. 10. To see what'd happen. 9. To feed a starving family. 8. So you had something to sit on whilst telling stories to a starving family. 7. Anything to do but go to a calculus lecture on a Monday morning (guess what I'm meant to be getting ready for!) 6. He posted exactly what you were about to say on SFN 5. He posted exactly what you were about to say on #SFN 4. Because it was funny. 3. He was unable to walk without rhythm so as not to attract the worm. 2. Everyone else was doing it and you just wanted to be popular. 1. He killed you first. Next: top ten most irritating people to sit next to in a lecture/cinema/opera house etc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YT2095 Posted October 1, 2007 Share Posted October 1, 2007 10. he let me! 9. seemed like a good idea at the time. 8. I thought she was only joking about the Alergy. 7. he`s the one that Failed to fly! 6. I wanted to see if she`d weigh less after. 5. who cares, I won the bet anyway. 4. I didn`t think it was THAT funny. 3. I was Hungry! 2. it was on my To-Do list. 1. 1 too many Reported Posts. Next: 10 things every man needs to know? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phi for All Posted October 1, 2007 Share Posted October 1, 2007 Next: top ten most irritating people to sit next to in a lecture/cinema/opera house etc 10. This person 9. Most of the seven dwarfs 8. The Verizon guy 7. Quill, the X-Men human porcupine 6. An under-quota MoveOn.org recruiter 5. A brayer (someone who laughs like a donkey) 4. Anyone eating from a tub o' broccoli 3. Someone who snorts 2. Someone who snorts and then spits on the floor 1. Bush Jr (keeps asking what the big words mean) Next: 10 things every man needs to know? 10. Which brands of X-ray glasses *really* work 9. How to unhook a bra with just the thumb and forefinger 8. How to mess up a household chore like dishes so you'll never be asked to do it again 7. Who wears the pants in his family (and how to iron them for her) 6. The correct answer to, "Does this dress make me look fat?" 5. The exact number of Cheese Nips left in the bag 4. Which car will get you girls 3. The nearest store that sells Cheese Nips 2. Every store in the mall with a TV when you're forced to shop on game day 1. Where the beer is Next: Top 10 Ways to Make a Lot of Money Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YT2095 Posted October 1, 2007 Share Posted October 1, 2007 10. get a sex change to Female and marry a rich old guy and just wait 9. fake the female thing and marry a rich Old guy (wait till the honeymoon and show him, he`ll pop it). 8. get into Politics and learn to like the smell of Anus 7. nope sorry I can`t continue, I`m laughing too much someone else try Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foodchain Posted October 1, 2007 Share Posted October 1, 2007 6. Make a internet site sob story asking for donations 5. Get a fake limb and beg for money on the street 4. buy stuff then sell it on ebay at double the price 3. Steal peoples pets then hold them for ransom 2. get fake documentation that you graduated from Harvard 1. start a religion Next, top ten ways reasons why we should over populate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iNow Posted October 1, 2007 Share Posted October 1, 2007 Next, top ten ways reasons why we should over populate. 10. One day we'll run out of food and we'll need something to eat. 9. Contraceptive companies have become too powerful an influence in politics and need to be taught a lesson. 8. The losers will have a better chance at copulating successfully since there will be so many more choices available to them 7. So we have a good reason to use another nuclear bomb 6. We can stuff extra infants into the arctic ocean to create new landmass 5. Religion always needs new recruits 4. We haven't cut down EVERY tree yet, and we'd better get on that. 3. Insects have been winning the sex wars for far too long 2. More research can be done on STDs 1. Because orgasms are better than wargasms. Next, top 10 things you should say to a Victoria's Secret model if you meet one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dichotomy Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 Next, top 10 things you should say to a Victoria's Secret model if you meet one. Assuming a female model. 10. Do you know what would look good on you? Me! 9. I’m gay, can I be your stylist? 8. You’re poetry in motion. We should make art together. 7. I know an all you can eat place we can go to, and they don’t mind bathroom regurgitations. 6. The closer to the bone, the sweeter is the meat. 5. Can I please use you as a prophylactic between my wife and myself? I give up… Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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