This is for bad science jokes. All the worst puns, ect... For the more intellectuals of this forum you will probably stay away from this. But for as of us immature people, I would like to post this post so they can put all their vulgarity, nastiness, and stupidity into one box.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-Uranus

 

"Have you seen Uranus? I here its round and gassy."

"There are 10 types of people;

Those who understand binary and those who don't."

How do you tell the sex of a chromazone ?

 

 

 

Take down it's jeans!

 

 

Originally posted by Sayonara³

"There are 10 types of people;

Those who understand binary and those who don't."

 

Think geek sells cool stuff.

http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts/frustrations/5aa9/

Indeed they do.

 

Is this going to turn into a "demonstrate unoriginality" thread, or was that just on the remote chance I'd never heard of ThinkGeek?

 

I never have, thanks for the link.

 

 

Old laser Physicists don't die, they just become incoherent.

Why don't they serve beer at math parties (rofl)?

 

 

 

 

its not safe to drink and derive!!

 

 

 

::ducks::

My friend & I made up some math jokes in Chemistry a few days ago; man...chem is boring...anyways:

 

What's a math teacher's fave. type of toilet paper?

 

Mutiply.

 

Why did the math teacher fail his eye exam?

 

B/c he had Dvision

 

Why did the math teacher's car slip off the road?

 

B/c it had SubTraction...

 

Why did the maths teacher miss his bus?

 

Because he forgot his times table.

 

Ha ha ha ha.

 

 

Sorry.

charley was a chemist, but charley is no more. what charley thought was H2O, was H2SO4.

What did one mineral deposit say to the other?

 

"Gneiss rocks."

Top Ten Ways to get thrown out of a chemistry lab;

 

10. Pretend an electron got stuck in your ear, and insist on describing the sound to others.

 

9. Give a cup of liquid nitrogen to a classmate and ask, "Does this taste funny to you?"

 

8. Consistently write three atoms of potassium as "KKK."

 

7. Mutter repeatedly, "Not again... not again... not again."

 

6. When it's very quiet, suddenly cry out, "My eyes!"

 

5. Deny the existence of chemicals.

 

4. Begin pronouncing everything your immigrant lab instructor says exactly the way he/she says it.

 

3. Casually walk to the front of the room and urinate in a beaker.

 

2. Pop a paper bag at the crucial moment when the professor is about to pour the

sulfuric acid

 

1. Show up with a 55-gallon drum of fertilizer and express an interest in federal buildings.

Two atoms are walking down the street. One says to the other:

 

"Oh no, I think I lost my electron".

 

To which the other replied: "Are you sure?"

 

"YES, I'm positive".

what solution is acidic only some of the time, despite being exposed to the same constant conditions?

 

periodic acid

 

which element is anti-capitalist?

 

antimony

 

 

wow, i can't believe i spent 5 minutes trying to think of some. i have shamed myself as well as my family

Okay, here it goes:

 

*Takes out protective glasses and armor in case of people throwing heavy objects*

 

Two men walk into a bar:

 

They both yell "OUCH"

 

Two electrons 'beam' into a bar:

 

They both yell "THE NUCLEI ARE COMING, THE NUCLEI ARE COMING!!!"

 

I am sorry, I made them up (not the first one, you can see the remake, hehe)...

 

Apologizes and walks away quickly,

Cubes

*Borrows PersonCube's protective glasses and armor*

 

Two hydrogen atoms are inside a star, about to fuse into helium. The other says: "It's getting quite hot in here." The other replies: "AAAAGH! A talking hydrogen atom!"

----

What did the two up quarks in a proton say to the third quark?

-Why are you so down?

----

Why didn't the gold atom date any francium atoms?

-The gold atom was looking for a more stable relationship.

----

What did the U-238 atom say to his U-235 friend when they were bombarded by neutrons?

-Keep yourself together!

----

What do you call a felis domesticus that gains an electron?

-A CATion!

----

Why all atoms try to sneak into the Neutron Bar, instead of going to their respective bars?

-Because they don't charge you!

*looks at protective armour and glasses lying on floor, wonders, "Why are they there?"*

 

What did the Geologist say to when asked if he liked his wifes new dress?

 

"It makes you look very spathic, my dear."

 

*finds out*

A quark goes to an elevator. The operator asks "up or down?". "Neither", the quark answers "I'm strange".

From a prof sharing lab space with my prof:

 

If you aren't part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

 

Mokele

What would Severian eat?

 

http://www.freewebs.com/gildedchem/fruitquark.jpg

(Copy link to address bar)

 

Well, is it a poor joke about a German word? Why yes it is, thank you for asking.

How many licks to get to the center of a Fracium-pop?

= we may never know

>>>>as long as i think it is funny...

Some bad element name puns to help you remember their symbols:

 

A-U! Get away from my gold.

 

C-U Later Copper!

 

N-A-way you look at it, sodium's pretty freaking reactive.

 

Don't forget to P-B for you go to lead!

Why was the teacher arrested on the plane?

 

He was carrying weapons of mass instruction.

(maths instruction works too)

what does an Organic Chemist drive to work in the morning?

a Mercedes Benzene.

how do you make a "hormone" (think sound)

 

..don't pay her.

 

 

old and cheesy.