how do you make a "hormone" (think sound)

 

..don't pay her.

 

funny... I was going to give the exact opposite answer. :cool:

Which law of science applies to salads?

 

Don't click this link until you've thought about it for an hour.

 

(link)

I really like this thread, a lot of these jokes have actually been quite funny. Anyway, here's a joke I hope you haven't heard yet, it's more of an engineering joke, but it doesnt matter.

 

2 engineering students meet each other on campus in between lectures. One of them turns up on a shiny new bike. The other student asks him, "When did you get that bike?"

 

The other student replies, "Well the other day I was just walking to my next lecture, when a beautiful woman came rushing to me on her bike, threw it down, took all her clothes off and said'Take what you want!'"

 

His fellow student nodded concordantly, replying, "Ah yes, the clothes probabaly woudn't have fit."

How do you tell the sex of a chromazone ?

 

 

 

Take down it's jeans!

 

 

 

 

That made me cry.

 

 

 

Why do clouds look fluffy and white?

 

Because they're cumulus and it's fair weather. Duh.

One day in Heaven Newton, Pascal, and Einstein, three distinguished physicists, decided to play a game of hide and seek.

 

Einstein starts to count: "1, 2, 3 ..."

 

Pascal runs off and hides under a cloud.

 

Newton uses a piece of chalk to draw a one metre by one metre box and stands inside.

 

"99, 100. Get ready, here I come!"

 

Einstein turns around and sees Newton just standing in plain sight.

 

"Ah ha! I've found you Newton," proclaims Einstein.

 

"No," says Newton, "I am one over one metre squared. You've found Pascal."

In 1895, Lord Kelvin proclaimed that “Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible

 

In 1911, Marshal Ferdinand Foch, Frances leading military strategist, declared: Aeroplanes are interesting toys but of no military value

 

- A.W. Bickerton (1926) Professor of Physics and Chemistry, Canterbury College, New Zealand

The foolish idea of shooting at the moon is an example of the absurd length to which vicious specialization will carry scientists working in thought-tight compartments.

 

Royal Society president Lord Kelvin --1897

The aeroplane is scientifically impossible

 

Like A Bad science joke>

If I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes.

A biochemist walks into a bar and says "I'd like a pint of adenosine triphosphate please.

The barman says "Certainly sir, that will be 80p."

 

A mosquito was heard to complain,

that a chemist had poisoned his brain.

The cause of his sorrow

was paradichloro

diphenyltrichloroethane.

If I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes.

 

Hey I already said that one on another thread about chat-up lines:-)

 

Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

A: Chickens hadn't evolved yet.

 

Chemists do it periodically on table.

 

Q: Why did Albert Einstein cross the street?

A: To get away from Niels Bohr. But when he got to the other side Bohr was

there also.

 

I kind of wish I could say these jokes were mine but truth is I just copied them from a web site (hope they haven't already been said)

Hey I already said that one on another thread about chat-up lines:-)

 

Such a popular pickup line

...one Newton over one metre squared...

 

Whoops, this is how it should be...how do you edit posts on this forum?

 

 

 

edit:i guess you cant edit your first post then? pretty dumb

You can edit posts, but only until (IIRC) about 6 hours after you make it. After (if I'm correct on the number) 6 hours, the edit option is gone.

 

This is a feature, btw, that I find quite excellent. I participated at another forum where posts could be edited indefinitely, and people would go back and change their posts after you responded to make it look like they were winning the argument. Some people would just flat out delete their posts like a month or two later, and threads became totally senseless and looked like jibberish. Shutting off the edit button after a quarter of a day is a rather elegant solution to the problem.

What do you call a benzene molecule with all the hydrogen replaced by iron?

 

A ferrous wheel.

Can you image having sex in Space.?

Can you image having sex in Space.?

 

I imagine you can with a camera...

This is not really a science joke, but I was gonna post it on the 'believe in Thor' thread, which got closed before I could post it.

 

The great God Thor was looking down at the world, when he saw an incredibly beautiful young woman. Quick as a god, he popped down to Earth, and a little rapid and enthusiastic seduction happened.

When it was over, he decided that she deserved to know what a great honour was done to her.

"I am Thor!" he declaimed.

She giggled.

"Tho am I" she said, "but it wath fun."

like joke(but real:) )

Brain work will cause women to go bald." - Berlin professor, 1914

I'm surprised this hasn't come up yet...

 

Dr Heisenberg is driving along the motorway when he sees the flash of a police car behind him. He pulls over, and up strolls the officer, fingers looped into his belt. "Well, well, well, sonny-Jim," says he, "Do you know just how fast you were going back there?"

Heisenberg smiles. "No, officer, but I know precisely where I am!"

 

*zing*

 

An engineer, a chemist and a mathematician are all staying in the same hotel. Fires break out in each of their rooms. The engineer awakes, sees the fire and immediately reaches for the fire extinguisher. After the flames die down, he thinks to himself, "Thank God I could fix that one," and goes back to bed. The chemist awakes, sees the flames, and immediately reaches for the extinguisher too. With the fire out, he returns to bed, thinking, "It's just as well knew about combustion, or I'd never have known what to do!" (Yes, we chemists are a bit thick...). Finally, the mathematician wakes up. He sees the fire - sees the extinguisher - and goes back to bed, thinking, "Thank God a solution exists!"

 

Kaeroll

so a newtron walks into a bar and says "how much for a drink" the Bartender replys " for you no charge"

 

 

HAHAHA ahh knee slape

It's called a neutron.

Thanks Mr S. I read "Newton" and was like, "WTF?"

Thanks Mr S. I read "Newton" and was like, "WTF?"

 

i said Newtron not Newton. i no i spelled it wroing but if you are going to make fun of me. please let it be somthing i did ^-^

Everyone's probably already heard this but heres like the only one I know:

 

When NASA first sent a man in space they realized that pens do not work in zero gravity. They spent a decade and tens of millions of dollars and finally invented a pen that could write upside down, under water, anywhere.

 

The Russian used a pencil.

 

 

**Runs screaming for the protective armor, only to trip and knock himself out**

**Runs screaming for the protective armor, only to trip and knock himself out**

 

Conclusive evidence that you live in a movie, where you can't be caught until you trip.