Moontanman

You had so much to adjust to that first year after she passed. You've dealt well with all the obstacles for two years and now you have time to focus on the date, and it hurts. She'd be proud of you, so keep that in mind as well when you're missing her, Moon. Do something good for yourself, that's what she'd want.

I hope you can take Phis suggestion.  I lost someone close a few years ago and was shocked at the resulting void in my world.  Losing someone too early can shatter illusions we nurture about a certain reliability and order in our lives, or that there's always enough time.  It means a pain that one must live with, but also an awakened condition, too.  And your lost partner would be happy for you, having that.  And, perhaps, she is - I am not so dogmatic as to be certain as to death or the fundamental nature of consciousness.  

There are certain things my partner does that I don't have much use for (such is marriage, for many people), but as I now get old, I sense that I will in some way honor them if she should pass before I do.  They are part of the whole beautiful package.  What drives me crazy, it turns out, also keeps me sane.  Weird, huh?