Phi for All

Welcome kiwimac! Don't forget to stop by our sister site, Theology Forums. We welcome your spiritual views there and hope you can add to our knowledge. And welcome to SFN as well. I like the "not content to remain ignorant" bit (what a great bumper sticker!). Happy posting!

SFN's very own Gilded wanted to have sex with a girl at work but she had a boyfriend. She kept turning him down. One day Gilded got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you a US$100 if you let me have sex with you." The girl said "Absolutely NOT!" Gilded said, "I'll promise to be really fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up." She thought for a moment and said that she would have to ask her boyfriend. She called him and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Ask him for $200, pick up the money really fast and he won't even be able to get his pants down. Call me back when you have the cash and we'll go party". The girl goes back to Gilded and agrees at double the price. After fifteen minutes the boyfriend calls the girl but gets no answer. Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still calling. Finally, after an hour, the boyfriend gets through and asks what happened. The girl is out of breath but manages to gasp, "The bastard used quarters!" :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D:D :D

You're in good hands then. No matter what he suggests, wear your goggles, cut the number of chilis in half and double the length of the fuse and you'll be fine. Welcome!

"... I would just like to know if you know what it means to have a plethora. I would not like to think that someone would tell someone else he has a plethora, and then find out that that person has *no idea* what it means to have a plethora." -El Guapo

Google "matter-antimatter symmetry disruption" and kiss your ass goodbye.

Do what it says on the bottle: "Take two aspirin. Keep away from children." Welcome to SFN. Don't blow anything up.

Mrs. Tilly hates soda but loves the fizz and the bubbles. Mrs. Tilly loves books but hates to read. Mrs. Tilly hates milk and cream but loves butter. I like this one because you can prove you get it without using the spoiler tags. Because Mrs. Tilly loves to peek but she hates to cheat.

Welcome to all the newcomers. We hope you enjoy our little community and look forward to the increase in knowledge you bring.

I have a Golden retriever and I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. Normally I'd just roll my eyes and shake my head disgustedly but on impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

Liability. We don't want anyone to get hurt by trying an experiment they read about here. There are some great experiments in the Chemistry section. Make sure to use all the precautions the members and Experts recommend. Trying each experiment the right way means you get to do more than one.

Two rednecks are having a beer on the front porch. The first one says, "Hey, lemme ask you sumpthin'. If I was to sneak over to yore trailer some Saturday and make love to yore wife whilst you was out huntin', and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?" The second redneck squints his eyes up and scratches his head for a while, then finally says, "Well, I don't know if it would make us *kin*, but it shore would make us EVEN!"

Hey, everyone, you want to hear some funny? Welcome to the club! It looks like dueling stand-up with Gilded! He thinks he's such a wit, but he's wrong by half! The man couldn't put a joke together without gluing his fingers to his nostrils. Most of the laughs he gets here at the club are when he falls off the stage at the end of his act. I'll bet you were wondering how anyone could be that thirsty telling bad jokes. Seriously, Gilded doesn't have a drinking problem, he has a strength problem. His arm gets tired lifting two-litre Finlandia bottles. Drinking makes him *feel* sophisticated even though he can't *say* sophisticated. Tell us, Gilded, vodka you planning on doing later? He's a good guy, although he really puts the "scandal" in Scandalnavian. He dates mostly young, married women and is very popular in Finland. His hearing is excellent and he's getting very good at climbing out of upper floor windows. He really needs to remember his pants more often, given Finland's climate. The other day I saw him in a dress. I asked him where he got it and he told he he'd just climbed down from a bedroom window into an alley when a cute girl on a Vespa saw him. He was naked so she hopped off her motorbike, took off her dress and said, "Take what you want!" Jeez, Gilded, if you'd remembered to grab your pants you could've had a Vespa!

Relatively new fields won't get their own forum until they become at least moderately popular fields. Start some threads about it and when we have a preponderance we will most surely start a sub-forum.

Welcome to the club, ladies and gentlemen! I see jdurg is in the audience tonight. Besides being one of our Resident Experts in Chemistry, jdurg loves to golf. I actually caddied for him early Sunday morning before last and his game has really improved. He misses the ball much closer now. And jdurg is very committed to the game. He asked me if I thought playing golf on a Sunday was a sin and I told him, "The way you play, it's a sin ANY day!" He said, "You don't like my game?" and I replied, "It's OK, but I prefer golf!" The course manager kept getting on the loudspeaker asking jdurg to please tee off from the men's tees, NOT the ladies' tees. Finally I had to turn and yell, "Would you let the man take his second shot!?!" We finally got onto the fairway and he looked at the green and asked me if I thought he could get there with a five iron. I said, "Someday, maybe." He said he'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course. I told him to try heaven, 'cause he'd already moved most of the earth. Many, many strokes later he said, "Would you stop looking at your watch, it's very distracting!" I said, "It's not a watch, it's a compass!" We lost his ball and when we finally found it he said, "This can't be my ball, it's too old!" I said, "Well, jdurg, it's been a long time since you teed off!" Then he proceeds to shank it right into the lake he's standing next to. He tells me he just wants to drown himself and I ask him, "You think you can keep your head down that long?" When we finished that evening he says I'm the worst caddy in the world. I tell him, "I don't think so, jdurg, that would be too much of a coincidence!"

Sure, set it up in General Discussion and lay out the rules. Sounds like fun, lol. This thread is for adding new fora to the site.

And the existing Engineering forum can't cover that because...?

These are secondhand accounts I've heard about, thus the "allegedly" in the title. I love your suggestion but I could NEVER be that evil... unless the checker gave me an attitude. Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of printer paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.

I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider", looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.

An elderly couple walked into a fast food restaurant. The old man ordered one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink. He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half and placed one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them kept looking over and whispering. You could tell they were thinking, "That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them." As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table. He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said they were just fine and they were used to sharing everything. The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. Again the old man said, "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything." As the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man looked at the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked "What is it you are waiting for?" She smiled widely and said, "The teeth."

One winter morning in Iowa a couple was listening to the radio while eating breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." Norman's wife went out and moved her car. A week later while they were again eating breakfast, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." Norman's wife went out and moved her car again. The next week they were again having breakfast, ! When the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park..." Then the electric power went off. Norman's wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?" With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Norman said. "Sweetie, why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?

Welcom to all the new members (six so far this week!) and thanks for joining. Be smart, be courteous, be welcome!

Another reason why we moderate the news posts is so we can check to make sure it's science related. We're not allowed to run the story without permission. We ARE allowed to link and even excerpt from it if we are discussing it. The News Forum is there to debate about the news, not to view it. There are other outlets for that (that's why we give the links to the stories). The News Forum is not your news source, it's a place to talk about the news that's relevant. That's why we jump all over people who post links (in all fora) and then just say "Hey, did you see this?" We want your opinions on the stories, not a guide to what's in the news. Whenever you link to another site, you should be commenting on what's said there, not simply calling it out. If you simply think it was a fascinating article, tell us why, give us some direction for discussion.

Because you make fun of janitor/ballerinas! My performance in Swab Lake paid for my college tuition, buster!

This year, both Groundhog Day and the State of the Union Address fall on the same day. For those who have trouble telling them apart, one involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a creature of scant intelligence for a forecast of future events, and the other involves a groundhog. This has been Views on the News, please resume thinking.

"Infinite_gir?" That's a lot of Gir!