thanks,KipIngram.

Some married couples confide in me that they feel lonely and unhappy.

people change, you know.

Yes, people do. I'm not a person that feels marriage has failed if it doesn't last forever. If you spend decades very happy with someone, and then you both change and it just isn't right anymore, well, you still had many happy decades. It's just hard when it's one person that changes and wants to move on, and the other feels abandoned. Ultimately, though, you just don't live your life for the happiness of other people, and no one should ask you to. It's *yours*, and is for *you*.

thanks,KipIngram.

Some married couples confide in me that they feel lonely and unhappy.

people change, you know.

People and the world do so constantly. I think you need to find company and peace of mind with yourself before you can find it with others.

yes, we have to accept reality no matter what happens.

I very much agree with StringJunky - being your own closest and best friend is vital.

I very much agree with StringJunky - being your own closest and best friend is vital.

Quite lonely..

Quite lonely..

 

Not if you like yourself; being lonely isn't a matter of numbers.

Quite lonely..

It's only 'lonely' if you don't like yourself and you need another to distract you from that. I'm not advocating a life of solitude but I am promoting that as insurance or preparedness for when solitude comes. There is no downside to being self-assured and self-contained. If a person is complete themselves and within a relationship, they can survive more robust stresses and carry the other when they are weak.

 

Anecdote: In my late teens, walking along some streets for many minutes with a girl I liked very much, she said:

 

"Where are we going?"

 

"I don't know, I was following you" I replied.

 

"I was following you too!" she exclaimed. Cue giggles.

 

A ship needs a rudder and someone to steer it.

I very much agree with StringJunky - being your own closest and best friend is vital.

 

What's vital is accepting yourself, not making out with yourself.

 

What's vital is accepting yourself, not making out with yourself.

What do you mean "Making out..."?

What do you mean "Making out..."?

 

A joke to underline the difference between acceptance and narcissism.

Quite lonely..

 

an army marches on its stomach.

 

 

If you want to march a long way in life, you need to find your stomach; it's the empty bit in the middle, just fill it.

Edited June 2, 20178 yr by dimreepr

I stopped caring about people a long time ago except for my immediate family.

I stopped caring about people a long time ago except for my immediate family.

because people we care failed us many times?

i see lots of unhappy couples.

because people we care failed us many times?

 

How many times have you failed them?

 

How many times have you failed them?

i didn't.

i didn't.

People may have different criteria as to constitutes caring and, therefore, one may, in the eyes of another, be seen to not care. Sometimes, people say they care but it's only a feeling in their heads and never manifests in an actual physical act of caring and, as such, the recipient senses nothing.

Edited June 20, 20178 yr by StringJunky

i didn't.

 

Then you're lucky, or lying; personally, I've failed others as often as they've failed me.

 

If you can accept your own failings, it's much easier to accept the failings of others.

 

Forgiving yourself is much harder than forgiving others; but if you want a peaceful life, start with I.

i am not lying at all.

Lucky it is then but are you sure you've never failed anyone, even unintentionally?

i am not lying at all.

You don't ever remember anyone being disappointed in you, or angry with you?

i didn't fail anyone who cares about me. what's the problem ??

How many people care about you in this world ? you guys think twice.

For those who don't give a shit on you, you care ?

No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friend's or of thine own were: any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bells tolls; it tolls for thee. - John Donne

i didn't fail anyone who cares about me. what's the problem ??

 

Just to spell it out, it is very unlikely anyone, including you, has got through life without letting someone down. More likely is that you have let people down and not even noticed. This is too easy to do, especially when you are focused on what everyone else is doing wrong and overlooking what is done or left undone by yourself.

 

This isn't a slight on you at all, it's just part of being human. The first time a loved one lets you down can be quite brutal, but nothing compared to the first time you realise you have let someone you love down.

 

But if you really have got through life without letting anyone else down, then really you must tell us how to do it. The rest of us are not so perfect.

Why the unhappy things are always more than happy things in life ?

Why the unhappy things are always more than happy things in life ?

 

Stop listening to the news and look around you, at a local level I think you'll find things pretty much even out.

 

Think of the cup as neither half full or half empty, but rather, it's always full with varying mixtures of liquid and gas.

Edited July 7, 20178 yr by dimreepr