Everything posted by iNow
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The Official JOKES SECTION :)
Yes, I agree completely.
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Political Humor
This video made me laugh so hard that I thought this would make a nice home for it. Enjoy. TfS6cE7VXM0
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The Official JOKES SECTION :)
I'm not sure... You may need to be from Texas to appreciate this one. Enjoy. Texas summertime... * Dear Diary June 1 : Just moved to Texas ! Now this is a state that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. It is beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here. June 14th : Really heating up. Got to 100 today . Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper. June 30th : Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today . Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing the lawn for me. Another scorcher today , but I love it here. July 10th : The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least, it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected. July 15th : Fell asleep by the community pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body). Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this. July 20th : I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag, then popped like a water balloon. The car now smells like Kibbles and Shits. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat. Good ol' Mr. Sun strikes again. July 25th : The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's hot as fire.* The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts. July 30th : Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now, $225,000 house and I can't even go inside. Lomita is the lucky one. Why did I ever come here? Aug. 4th: It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today . It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85. I hate this stupid state. Aug. 8th: If another wise ass cracks, 'Hot enough for you today ?' I'm going to strangle him. Lots of heat. By the time I get to work, the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!! Aug. 9th: Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when sat on the seats in the car, I thought I was on fire. My skin melted to the seat. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and a. . . Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried a, and baked cat. Aug 10th : The weather report might as well be a recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for 2 long months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this state? Water rationing will be next, so my $1700 worth of cactus will just dry up and blow over. Even the cactus can't live in this heat. Aug. 14th: Welcome to HELL! Temperature got to 115 today . Cactus are dead. Forgot to crack the window and blew the windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and guess what he asked me??? "Hot enough for you today ?" My sister had to spend $1,500 to bail me out of jail. Freaking Texas . What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here?? Will write later to let you know how the trial goes.
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In dire need of help (Math Phobia) :(
Out of curiosity, have you run a google search along these lines: online math curriculum I mean, one would presume that something there is gonna be useful to you.
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Political Humor
Via a friend on another board:
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Political Humor
So, President Obama has found a way to quickly close Guantanamo Bay. Yeah, he's just going to turn it into a Pontiac dealership. (Jay Leno)
- Political Humor
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The Official JOKES SECTION :)
The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically. This virus is called Weekly Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT!!! This virus will wipe out your private life entirely. If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises. Take two good friends to the nearest liquor store and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system. You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.
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Cool Facts
Not really true. The female generally takes the males head off DURING or AFTER the mating process, not to initiate it. The mating process itself tends to be initiated by a dance (also known as the courtship display) by the male. Further, another fun fact is that the female eating the males head does not happen every time. Although the praying mantis is known for its cannibalistic mating process, in actuality, it only occurs 5-31% of the time. http://serendip.brynmawr.edu/exchange/node/1801 Actually, it's closer to a month, but depends on which species of cockroach it is (there are roughly 3,500 species falling into six different families), and it's not always starvation that causes the death to occur. http://www.bio.umass.edu/biology/kunkel/cockroach_faq.html#Q13 Also, not true. The number of shark pups born to a mother depends greatly on the species of shark. http://www.amcs.org.au/printed.asp?active_page_id=196 The number of shark pups born to a single mother varies considerably between species. Some have only two large pups, while others, like the blue shark, may have 40 to 80 much smaller young. Try to remember... It's not a "Cool Fact" if it's not true, which is why we ask for references.
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Political Humor
- The Official JOKES SECTION :)
Charlie walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says: "Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache." His wife is lying in bed and replies: "I think you'll find It's a sheep, you idiot." The man says: "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."- How well do we all use References and Sources?
You made a point with which I fully agree. It is not always necessary to supply a source. However, if someone specifically asks you to supply one, it shouldn't take 200 posts to finally obtain... It should be provided immediately without the need of continued requests, and feeling like you are pulling teeth. That seems to be another avoidance tactic... Arguing about why someone is asking you to provide a reference instead of just supplying said reference and moving on with the conversation.- The Official "Introduce Yourself" Thread
Welcome aboard, Durro.- Political Humor
This is more of a great quote than it is political humor, but it warranted sharing. "The vacuum in Republican leadership has allowed a mean-spirited, lard-ass talk radio mind-corpse to become de facto leader... which is turning an already crippled party into a bickering laughing stock." ~Stephen Colbert referring to Rush Limbaugh- Political Humor
- The Official "Introduce Yourself" Thread
I echo Klaynos' "Welcome to everyone since I last said so." Lots of new energy and questions keep these threads churning and minds working. I'm glad you all decided to register and participate. Enjoy.- The Official JOKES SECTION :)
Not sure if you meant me or not, but my humor was on the day of the inauguration, about a real event (Cheney in a wheelchair) and I was not intended to push any political overtones... They just made me laugh. You'll notice I used almost all "he is running over lawyers," or "lawyers were happy he couldn't shoot them in the face" type comments, and the first tied back to an exchange earlier with ecoli and I... Context, my man. Either way, so no additional feathers get ruffled, here's something completely different. Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and into a shop. I was only there for about 5 minutes, and when I came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I said to him, 'Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break'? He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a 'Nazi.' He glared at me and wrote another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a 'doughnut eating Gestapo.' He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he wrote a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care. I came downtown on the bus, and the car that he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said, 'Obama in '08 .' I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important to my health.- Political Humor
US Vice President Dick Cheney pulled a muscle in his back while moving boxes and will be in a wheelchair for Tuesday's historic inauguration of incoming president Barack Obama. The good news is that he had to cancel his planned participation in the inaugural 21-gun salute. "Phew!," said a few close friends who happened to be lawyers.- Political Humor
Barack Obama’s inauguration will come with a hefty price tag, estimated at more than $170 million. The actual swearing in ceremony cost $1.24 million, and the federal government gave $75 million to neighboring states Virginia and Maryland to help pay for their share of police, fire and medical services. The remainder of the money will go to the thug who put Cheney in a wheelchair. line[/hr] Today's inauguration was attended by more than a million people. Suprisingly, there were only a a few problems. Ten people got frostbite, five people fainted, and Dick Cheney ran over three lawyers.- Political Humor
In their most recent act of compassion, liberal lefties have decided to add Republicans and neoconservative values to the endangered species list.- The Official JOKES SECTION :)
Via a friend at another site: Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. 'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked. 'Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?' 'Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed. 'Yes, I did.' he replied. 'My God, Bill, what happened?' 'I got fired.' 'No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?' 'Oh...she got fired too.'- The Official JOKES SECTION :)
I came across this today and it gave me a bit of a chuckle.- The Official "Introduce Yourself" Thread
Lol. Me, either. I just call it Albany.- The Official "Introduce Yourself" Thread
Except, you spelled Poughkeepsie wrong. Welcome. My dad worked at big blue in Kingston for a lot of years, but that was decades ago. - The Official JOKES SECTION :)
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