Gilded

A man has had a terrible headache for several months. He decides he will commit suicide if there's nothing to do about it, but first he visits the doctor for the last time. "Ah yes, we have finally found a reason for your headache. It's your testicles; they are the reason. You have to be castrated" the doctor says. The man realizes that he can't live with the pain, so he agrees. Sometime after the operation the man gets incredibly depressed and decides that maybe new clothes would cheer him up. In a store: Man: I'm looking for a fancy green shirt. Shop Assistant: *picks up a shirt* This is your size? Man: Wow, how did you know? Shop Assistant: I've been on the business so long that I know these things. Man: Right... I also need new shoes. Shop Assistant: *picks up black shoes* Is this your size? Man: Wow! You were right again! Shop Assistant: Well, I know these things. Do you need anything else? Man: Yes, new underwear. Shop Assistant: *picks up a pack of underwear* Is this your size? Man: Aha! You were wrong this time, my size is two sizes smaller. Shop Assistant: Well OK, you can have underwear that are two sizes smaller but they will create so much pressure on your testicles that you will get an awful headache. ... ....Yep. ------ A Finn, a Britt and an American go into a bar. Brittish Guy: I'll have a Carlsberg. American Guy: I'll have a Budweiser. Finnish Guy: I'll have a glass of water. Brittish & American guys: Why didn't you have a beer? Finnish Guy: Because neither did you guys. ------ Here's a joke dedicated to ionizing radiation and its funny effects. A cowboy goes into a bar and sees a Russian man. The cowboy flips a coin in the air, shoots it twice during its flight, making two holes in it. The coin lands on the Russian guy's table. "Bill, Buffalo Bill" says the cowboy. The Russian is confused at first, then stands up, puts down his trousers, shows his third testicle and says "Bill, Cherno-Bill".

A Finnish man goes on a trip around the world. Soon his friend receives a letter from Kenya: "Hi! I shot a lion in Kenya." Then, after a couple of days a letter from Portugal: "I spent a night with an amazing Portugese girl!" Then, after a week, a letter from Australia: "Ok, I visited a venereal disease clinic in Sydney. I should have shot the girl and spent the night with the lion." ---- Turns out only VD-jokes come to mind, so here's another one: A man gets a horrible disease from a girl she slept while he was on a holiday in Jamaica; his penis turns green. The man then goes to look for the most skilled doctors that could have a cure for his awful disease. First, he goes to Sydney. "Amputation is the only option", says the doctor. "OH GOD NO! There's got to be another way!" the man replies. Then the man goes to New York. Same thing happens. The man is devastated, and decides to visit a Jamaican voodoo doctor who might have a cure: Man: Please, tell me there's no need for amputation! Voodoo Doctor: No amputation. No need cut off. Man: OH THANK GOD! Voodoo Doctor: Yes, no need cut off. Penis fall off by itself before Monday.