[Para15]

Joined to comment on this, like everyone else. I am a female masochist and am currently majoring in - guess what - psychology. (I think that I will make a good psychologist because I've actually have experienced many of the things that people go to psychologists for... concerns about sexuality being amongst them.) What I'm going to post is something I actually saved to Microsoft Word. As a masochist, I typed it to try and explain the unexplainable to people who don't understand... which is quite a few people on this thread.



I am a sexual and physical masochist. I love it. I will never see a psychiatrist for it.

I do not consider myself a ‘lesser person’ to anybody. I submit only to those who I know respect me as a person and recognize that I have dignity and self-esteem. I am healthy, I am one of the happiest people I know. I live life to the fullest. I have never been abused or neglected.

I have a disorder called trichotillomania, which causes me to want to pull my hair out. It is not related to masochism. I hate trichotillomania. I love masochism. Being familiar with a disorder, you can imagine that I can probably tell what is ‘disorder’ and what is my own free will. Masochism is my choice. It is not a disorder.

Is masochism a twisted, whacked out paradox? It certainly is. It’s f*cked up. Humans, by nature, are wired to avoid pain and seek pleasure. I like pleasure, too, but I certainly find pleasure in pain.

In its more mild forms, like light whipping and scratching, pain (for me) is an exquisite and profound experience. It’s pleasurable, and it makes me feel alive. It’s not that it doesn’t hurt – of course it hurts. But for a reason that even I can’t quite grasp, I desire it. I like sensation in general, including pain.

At its most intense, pain is no longer enjoyable physically, but the challenge of it is enjoyable mentally. Pain, the way my inner masochist looks at it, is a means to challenge oneself and one’s reactions to extreme situations. Being able to trust your partner with your body, being able to endure things that most people would never want to try to endure… it lets you find yourself – and your relationship, for that matter – on a very deep level. You get to know things about yourself in ways that most people can’t comprehend.

You see, as far as that aspect of it, it’s not just about being tough or pain-tolerant. When you push yourself beyond your limits, it’s about discovering your own strength of character. It’s about being strong and resolute, for your partner and/or yourself. It’ll build your confidence in that mindset, so that you’ll be able to set your mind to being resolute and mentally sound not only in the context of BDSM, but in life.

It’s a means to self-discovery, self-pride, strength in relationships, and a fuller life. And, if you don’t want to look into it that deep, look at it for what it is: enjoyment of something that few others can find enjoyment in. It’s one more way for us to find pleasure, one more way that 95 (or whatever) percent of the population doesn’t have.

Live your life to the fullest. Don’t be afraid of your own desires; embrace them, otherwise you truly will never know what you missed. And don’t let your mind fall into the trap that you are any less of a person just because you are a masochist, or that you are sick. Don’t be ashamed. Don’t repress yourself. You have a right to your happiness and your life and your dignity as much as anyone else.

[Moontanman]

I am more into Dominance and submission but I do understand the lifestyle of S/M as well. D/s is not a 24/7 thing to me but it can be a very intense way to enjoy an evening or a week end. I am not interested in a woman who needs to be my slave on a leash 24/7 but as an occasional play/game it can be intense and very satisfying for all involved. Pain can be apart of D/s but it is more about finding ways to take your submissive to places in her mind she wouldn't or couldn't go by herself. Bondage and humiliation can be a big part of D/s and the small pains that allow the enjoyment of sex to be magnified. I once had a submissive explain it to me as going to a horror movie and participating instead of just watching. You know it's just a game but you allow your self to get into it and just like a good horror film the danger feels quite real even though deep down you know it's just a game

Fire cupping Dominant massage hot wax Fun fun fun! But best if only done as the occasional treat, no need to make it routine

[embunr]

So, as this is a science forum, here's a theory on the origins of sexual masochism:

http://www.embraceun...ity.com/theory/

Does anyone recognise themselves in the nine predictions at the end?

[iNow]

This thread needs more photos.

[Moontanman]

Yes, I agree!

[Marat]

I had a girlfriend who was into S&M and had all the requisite paraphrenalia, but I only discovered that after our involvement began. She was nice enough not to insist that I play along with her interests in that respect once she found that I was obviously not very interested.

Her theory about why people find S&M pleasurable was exactly what some previous posters here have mentioned: In the games that S&M enthusiasts play, the issue of how much each person in the partnership trusts the other to limit the infliction of pain on a trapped partner is highlighted, and this is somehow found to establish an interesting theme for the emotional involvement. What puzzles me about that is why concerns about trust should be so intense within an established relationship?

Unfortunately, from the unreliable and utterly untrustworthy way my girlfriend later turned out to behave, I discovered to my own misfortune why trust was such a central theme of relationships for her.

[jerbee]

Causes of Sadism and Masochism
There are a number of reasons commonly given for why a sadist or masochist finds the practice of S&M enjoyable, and the answer is largely dependent on the individual. For some, taking on a role of compliance or helplessness offers a form of therapeutic escape; from the stresses of life, from responsibility, or from guilt. For others, being under the power of a strong, controlling presence may evoke the feelings of safety and protection associated with childhood. They likewise may derive satisfaction from earning the approval of that figure. A sadist, on the other hand, may enjoy the feeling of power and authority that comes from playing the dominant role, or receive pleasure vicariously through the suffering of the masochist. It is poorly understood, though, what ultimately connects these emotional experiences to sexual gratification, or how that connection initially forms.

It is usually agreed on by psychologists that experiences during early sexual development can have a profound effect on the character of sexuality later in life. Sadomasochistic desires, however, seem to form at a variety of ages. Some individuals report having had them before puberty, while others do not discover them until well into adulthood. According to one study, the majority of male sadomasochists (53%) developed their interest before the age of 15, while the majority of females (78%) developed their interest afterwards. Like sexual fetishes, sadomasochism can be learned through conditioning—in this context, the repeated association of sexual pleasure with an object or stimulus.




Sadomasochism
Sadism and masochism (sadomasochism) are two of the behaviors in a group of sexual problems called paraphilias. Paraphilias are associated with sexual arousal in response to stimuli not associated with normal sexual behavior patterns.


Definition of Sadomasochism
Sadism is the sexual pleasure or gratification in the infliction of pain and suffering upon another person.

The counterpart of sadism is masochism, the sexual pleasure or gratification of having pain or suffering inflicted upon the self, often consisting of sexual fantasies or urges for being beaten, humiliated, bound, tortured, or otherwise made to suffer, either as an enhancement to or a substitute for sexual pleasure.

Sadists enjoy inflicting pain whether or not it is sexual in nature. Masochists enjoy receiving pain, which, again, may or may not be sexual. Dominance and submission is a way of looking the the sadistic-masochistic distinction, a power dynamic rather than a set of acts. Not all masochists are submissive, and not all submissives enjoy pain. Not all sadists are dominant, and not all who enjoy dominating others are sadists. There is frequently a strong emotional aspect to the sexual desires, taking the form of a need for domination (to control another) or submission (the desire or to be controlled) as opposed to a simple desire for pain (which is technically known as algolagnia). The words sadistic and masochistic are now commonly used to describe personality traits in an emotional, rather than sexual sense.


Paraphilias and Sadomasochism
Sexual sadism

The American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV-TR), the prevailing resource for diagnostic criteria of paraphilias, describes the diagnostic criteria for sexual sadism are as follows:

The patient reports recurrent and intense sexual urges and sexually arousing fantasies involving the act (real, not simulated) in which the psychological or physical suffering (including humiliation) of one person is sexually arousing to another person. Symptoms must be present for at least 6 months. The fantasies, urges, or behaviors cause significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning. Sadistic fantasies or acts may involve activities such as dominance, restraint, blindfolding, beating, pinching, burning, electrical shock, rape, cutting, stabbing, strangulation, torture, mutilation, or killing. Sadistic sexual fantasies are likely present in childhood. Onset of sadistic activities commonly occurs by early adulthood, and it tends to be chronic. Some individuals do not increase the severity of their sadistic acts; however, severity of the sadistic acts does usually increase over time.

No clear lines divide sexual sadism and sexual masochism, and the predispositions are often interchangeable. The conditions may coexist in the same individual, sometimes in association with other paraphilias. This relationship is supported by the finding that those who entertain masochistic fantasies also engage in sadistic fantasies.

Sadism involves causing physical or psychological pain or suffering to another person. As long as it occurs with a consenting partner, it can be argued that sexual sadism is not considered to be a psychological disorder. It is certainly considered a disorder when it causes unhappiness to the person with it, causes problems with work, social setting, or family, or when there is potential danger to another individual.

Like some masochists, some sadists require the pain or humiliation in order to function sexually. Others may engage in more typical sexual activities at some times and sadistic activities at other times. Sadists often seek out masochists as sexual partners. The sexual arousal in sadism is directly related to the suffering of the other person.

Some acts involve actual physical violence, including cutting, burning, or beating. Other acts involve domination, such as making the other person crawl or keeping him or her in a cage. Still other acts involve humiliation.

Sexual masochism

The essential features of this disorder as described by the DSM-IV-TR include the following:

The patient reports recurrent and intense sexual urges and sexually arousing fantasies involving the act (real, not simulated) of being humiliated, beaten, bound, or otherwise made to suffer. Symptoms must be present for at least 6 months. The fantasies, urges, or behaviors cause significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning. Masochistic acts commonly involve a wide range of activities, such as restraint, blindfolding, beating, electrical shock, cutting, piercing, and humiliation (e.g., being urinated or defecated on, forced to bark, verbally abused, forced to cross-dress). Some sexual masochists inflict pain through self-mutilation, and some engage in group activity or use services provided by prostitutes.

Hypoxyphilia is a dangerous form of masochism that involves sexual arousal by oxygen deprivation achieved by means of chest compression, noose, ligature, plastic bag, mask, or chemicals. Oxygen deprivation may be accomplished alone or with a partner. Data from the United States, England, Australia, and Canada indicate that 1-2 deaths per million population are reported each year.

Some sexually masochistic males also exhibit fetishism, transvestite fetishism, or sexual sadism. Masochistic sexual fantasies are likely present in childhood. Masochistic activities commonly begin by early adulthood, tend to be chronic, and the same act is generally repeated. Some individuals increase the severity of the act over time, which may lead to injury or death.

Sadomasochism

Sadism and masochism, often interrelated (one person obtaining sadistic pleasure by inflicting pain or suffering on another person who thereby obtains masochistic pleasure), are collectively known as S&M or sadomasochism. BDSM is a short-hand acronym for many subdivisions of the culture: (B&D) bondage and discipline, (D&S) domination and submission, (S&M) sadism and masochism. The term BDSM describes the quite common activities between consenting adults that contain sadistic and masochistic elements. Many behaviors such as erotic spanking, tickling and love-bites that many people think of only as "rough" sex also contain elements of sado-masochism.

[lemur]

Masochism may produce pleasure for some people because hurting them excites their partner and the partner's excitement turns them on.

[pantyhose]

yes, I love bondage too.
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