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How to help someone who is overly critical of themselves and others?


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How do you help someone who seems to take every "funny" look and every word as a personal insult?

How do you help someone who behaves as if all of reality was designed to hurt them personally and is always completely disgusted by it?

How do you help someone who shouts at you for no reason but then comes down on you for "tone of voice" afterward?

How do you help someone like that if they are your spouse and parent to your children? 

How do you help someone who seems hell bent on self-sabotage and refuses to take their medication through endless excuses and who can only listen to anything constructive by making you admit to some fault that is actually an adaptively beneficial characteristic just so they can save face and listen to something that might actually make them feel better about themselves and others?

How do you help someone who, if this is not done, throws eggshells over the ground by saying "I'm just evil" "I'm just shit" "You should just go and be with someone else already".

How do you help someone who seems to sometimes show improvement but just comes collapsing down the moment a stranger grazes their person with their eyes?

How do you help someone who thinks they have powers of discernment of peoples intents and character based on practically barely any interaction with them and how do you deal with the splitting afterword? Are they shit? Are they awesome? Make up your mind? 

How do you help someone who really doesn't see how talking to anyone directly about any perceived problem will help and will actively stop you from trying to deal with things in an adult manner without assuming the other party did it to personally mess with you on the rare occasions it is actually something most reasonable people would bring up?

How do you help someone who won't even let you speak to their therapist to share some of your concerns over behaviour that is tearing the person you love down everyday?

 

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Well, the first thing is for the one writing this list to have it double-checked with someone else, ideally a professional. It is easy to project assumptions and perceptions on another person which then will clash with the experience and feelings of that person. If the person is already in therapy, asking for a couple therapy session might help. 

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8 minutes ago, CharonY said:

Well, the first thing is for the one writing this list to have it double-checked with someone else, ideally a professional. It is easy to project assumptions and perceptions on another person which then will clash with the experience and feelings of that person. If the person is already in therapy, asking for a couple therapy session might help. 

Thank you, couples therapy is something that has now been broached and accepted as constructive by both parties. 

Thanks for not echo chambering and being impartial too. 

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Put them in psychiatric hospital. I got put in one, forced to take meds and was just away from the world for a bit. Sucked but learnt new habits as well while in there.

Look, tell your partner how you think and feel and constantly keep reminding them about it. Find a way to get him into a psychiatric hospital involuntarily and then all he will be left with is memories of your repititive thoughts and feelings about him. Then the process begins of him self reflecting on his life ,thinking about the people he loves and cares about and how he can improve based on what you left him with. This is sure way to get him to change to your liking.

 

It worked for me, I was locked up in a psychward and couldn't see my family for days and it was involuntary. I self reflected on my life and the future and from there I gained more focus on the things that mattered most in life like family because I have a decent one. If you love him and you wanna get your hands dirty then force him to change. He's an adult now a lifetime of experience and habits is set in him, only thing you can do is like how they do to slaves beat it into them but in a nice way. In other words force him to change ,people be like but that's not right , we'll look my brothers and sisters why do you think people have wars, it's because they using force to change what they wanna see... 

 

Good luck 

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1 hour ago, Saiyan300Warrior said:

 

It worked for me, I was locked up in a psychward and couldn't see my family for days and it was involuntary. I self reflected on my life and the future and from there I gained more focus on the things that mattered most in life like family because I have a decent one. If you love him and you wanna get your hands dirty then force him to change. He's an adult now a lifetime of experience and habits is set in him, only thing you can do is like how they do to slaves beat it into them but in a nice way. In other words force him to change ,people be like but that's not right , we'll look my brothers and sisters why do you think people have wars, it's because they using force to change what they wanna see... 

I appreciate the sentiment and the help. My partner is actually a woman and I'd never ever have them committed to an environment where I don't know if I can trust the staff. 

There are other ways for allowing deep self reflection to occur. 

Without getting in to the specifics, a trump move last month has my partners work sector having to work massive amounts of overtime because of the empty love bombing move of the administration in the run up to the election. She is also pregnant so the initial event that proceeded my creating this thread may also be hormonal in nature, contributing to the scale of the argument. My work load has been increased by the same trump move so I've been pretty stressed lately. This all also coincided with a critical stage in my work, which relates to my discussions with scientists on the forum. 

I'd have probably disagreed with your forced commitment. I believe the best change for an individual has to come through empowerment to change, not force to change. Especially where power dynamics themselves are part of the problem.

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