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eaten up?!

Grr, well i warned you

These are genuine questions and answers which were collated from last year's British GCSE exams (16 year olds). Geography 1. Name the four seasons. A. Salt, perrper, mustard and vinegar. 2. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large ollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. 3. How is dew formed? A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. 4. What is a planet? A. A body of earth surrounded by sky. 5. What causes the tides in the oceans? A. The tides area fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight. Sociology 6. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on? If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed. 7. In a democratic society, how important are elections? A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election. 8. What are steroids? A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. Biology 9. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas. 10. What is the Fibula? A. A small lie. 11. What does 'varicose' mean? A. Nearby. 12. What is the most common form of birth control? A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. 13. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean Section'. A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome. 14. What is a seizure? A. A Roman emperor. 15. What is a terminal illness? A. When you are sick at the airport 16. What happens to your body as you age? A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. 17. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. 18. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A. Premature death. 19. What is artifical insemination? A. When a farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow. 20. How can you delay milk turning sour? A. Keep it in the cow. (He got an A!) 21. How are the main parts of the body categorised? (eg abdomen) A. The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brains, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O and U. English 22. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning. A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (do dishes) 23. What does the word 'benign' mean? A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight. Technology 24. What is a turbine? A. Something that an Arab wears on his head.

Some phrases you WILL need to know in germany; Ich möchte Geschlecht mit Ihrem Llama haben. I would like to have sex with your llama. In Amerika schmeckt unser Bier wie Urin. In America, our beer tastes like urine. Biber sind fleißige Nagetiere. Beavers are industrious rodents. Mein Pankreas ist in den Schmerz. My pancreas is in pain. Ich werde getrunken und ich lasse nicht Communism zu. I am drunk, and I do not permit Communism. Meine Katze spricht Deutsches...wo die Würste sind? My cat speaks German...where are the sausages? Sie sind humorvoller als George Lucas. You are more humorous than George Lucas. Nichts kann das Grimace stoppen. Nothing can stop the Grimace. Ich möchte eine hübsche Prinzessin sein. I would like to be a pretty princess. Ich werde den Präsidenten beenden! I am going to kill the President! Ich herausforderung dein sexual autorein I challenge your sexual authority Es freut mich, daß Sie keine Zähne haben It is good that you have no teeth Ihre Brustwarze sind sichtbar I can see your nipples Hast du diese Bluse bei mir zu Hause vergessen? Didn't you leave that shirt at my house tomorrow? Ich habe einen riesigen Eisenpenis. I have an immense iron penis. Ich möchte gern dein sexueller Herr sein. I want to be your sexual master Dein hund versucht, mit meinem Bein, Sex zu haben. Your dog is trying to have sex with my leg. Kommt deises Kleid aus meinem Abfalleimer? Is that dress from my bin? Ich finde, du riechst nach Scheiße. I find you smell of sh.. Meine Unterhose wird die Welt beherrschen. My underpants will rule the world. Eine Weltmeisterschaft, und zwei Weltkriege, do da, do da. One world cup, and two world wars, do da, do da.

oh hell this thread has degraded somewhat lol

Quite right

The 2nd law of Thermodynamics has already been broken by QED.

The Hydorodgen is trying to turn itself into water

It would seem like a good idea, but exposing 'learners' as you put it to alternative ideas shouldn't be too harmful.

lol u no like?

anyway im nearer maggie thatcher more autortarian, less right wing, im an environmentalist you know....

well it wasnt an intelligence vote so i wont get too upset yet.......

So guys and gals who are your favorite scientists? Ill start of with mine; Micheal Faraday (obviously), now i know your all gonna want to say the same about this magnficient man............ Beware; if anybody says 'Thomas Edison' fear yee for your life....

were you one of the scientists who started up the site, and is that avitar of you?

Well im a strong authoritarian who is reasonably right wing

by 'skin' i prosume you mean sweat and or blood, seing as sweat is very very coductive

aparantley they got voted in, but who voted them in? . Relating to this i shall quote a woman in an astrophysics lecture- Well Mr Penrose this is all very begiling but I know for a fact that the earth is on the back of an enormous tortouise? Penrose:Ah but what does that tourtoise stand on? Woman: Very clever, but its tourtoises all the way down........

i see, ok sorry

that is to say politically left Left handed people are by definision better than right handed people (even if some of them cant spell....) lol

Glad to see a lack of leftys in SFN lol

just use the method i gave, best bet

what are you insinuating

no but the vaccine may infect with the virus

Yes i know who he is plz dont patronize me lol, but i dont see the relavence of

what about you blike, you seem to be the big cheese around here, when did you start