Function

Accepted for a residency in anaesthesiology!

Finally graduated magna cum laude as an MD.

Although I have received the wonderful opportunity to specialise in neurosurgery, being a neurosurgery resident is just a dog's life I could not lead for the lengthy duration it has. Because of lots of reasons, I've decided to carry on as an aspiring future anaesthesiologist.

The news about that black hole thing made me think. Now forgive me, physicists and others, for being such a noob when it comes to astronomy, but I had this idea, which didn't sound too stupid to me, but again, I'm a real layman in astronomy.

I was thinking that the big bang may have been a black hole, being overloaded with everything else the universe held, such that it became unstable, and exploded? Additionally, if I'm right, black holes grow while eating stuff, and may eat each other. What if our whole universe will come to a point in time where there are only two black holes, which have eaten anything else, remaining only for one to eat the other one, leaving only one giant black hole, once again being overloaded, and exploding, like a new big bang?

In the hospital environment, a lot of letters must be written. I'm looking for a way to standardize all letters I'm making. To do so, I would like to make a MS Office Word wizard, which just asks me all relevant things (e.g., salutation, patient name and birth date), lets me select all things in clinical examination that are deviant from a list ..., and then merges everything into a standardized document, which would be a bit easier than making a template.

Does anyone know how I can do this?

For once, I passed all my exams with great distinction, and my thesis specifically with greatest distinction 

Let's hope my internships (starting March until July 2020) can help me finish my Master with great distinction ...

Defended my thesis in front of the examination board. They were very pleased, found both the thesis and the presentation excellent, appreciated my direct and to-the-point answers to their questions ... Couldn't ask for more! 8 February is verdict day ...

Supervisors were happy with my thesis, said it could easily be a PhD dissertation  to be defended on 21 January ...

First full version of my thesis complete! To be revised by my supervisors, and to be printed 

So there's this gene, IDH1. It's responsible for the production of the protein IDH1.

An c.395G>A mutation in IDH1 leads to p.R132H IDH1.

So if a tumour is IDH1-mutated, can I say IDH1 is mutated? Or is "aberrant" more preferable?

What do I call "p.R132H" if it is not a mutation?

Let's say there's this Java-driven program (ran via a batch file), which requires (1) a licence file, and (2) a protected USB key that goes along with the licence file.

Let's now say that there are 3 types of licence files: (a) a normal licence file that gives full access to the program, if the USB key is inserted in the computer; (b) a trial licence file that does not require the USB key in order to run the program correctly, but only gives access for 600 days; and (c) a licence file that was distributed in private for a course of the program, making it available only on the day of the course, without the need for the USB key (so with this licence file, the program will always run correctly and with full functionalities, if the system date is set to 13 May 2013, course day).

Is there a possibility to adjust/create a licence file to eventually have one licence file that allows the program to be run with full functionalities, without need for USB key and system date settings?

I want to "upgrade" my waking-up experience. Ideally, I'd love to have an alarm clock which I can plug into my computer and transfer custom alarm sounds to (which don't give me a heart attack), and which has two speakers so I can put one at both lateral ends of my bed.

My phone (iPhone 8) won't do it for two reasons: (1) I can't plug my speakers into this phone and make the alarm sound come from the speakers, (2) even if I got to accomplish this, every iPhone since the iPhone 7 has been infamous for not having a 3.5 mm headphone jack, which means that if I would use the lightning port to connect speakers to my phone, I couldn't charge it, unless I also buy an overexpensive wireless Qi charging thing.

Does someone know if this even exists?

Passed my exams with quite disappointing results. Ah well. Used to it. I'll do an extra effort for the last exam period in January before my 1.5 years of internships.

So there's fear of commitment, and there's separation anxiety disorder. Here's a bit of a story on how I am regarding relationships ... As a background, you may want to know that I suffer(ed) from major depressive disorder, and am being treated with bupropion and venlafaxine (the latter is being decreased).

I've had 2 relationships, both of which lasted about 2.5 months. Rather quickly during these 'relationships', I found that it demanded way more of me than it was worth to me: it was not "profitable" for me, as I felt energetically drained without being resupplied. After a while, I couldn't help but think (in both cases) "Ugh, just stop texting me and leave me alone for 5 minutes, can I please have my own time?", which to me is a signal that makes me start wondering if the partner is indeed the right partner for me. I felt more as their idol, than their intimate partner. Which might indicate some sort of fear of commitment.

But that one is not so problematic to me. I know it will go away at some time. What's a much greater issue to me, and what may destroy me mentally, is something I experience very quickly with people, probably a separation anxiety disorder. I've been on Tinder for a while, and I've dated some persons. We usually chat very much, and we get to know each other a lot. Now here's this one person I met once, and still know, and still probably will be dating for some while (hopefully). Someone I really started appreciating. I was looking forward to our first date. Because he seemed a very nice guy to me, he was handsome, smart, and funny in his own way. But I couldn't help but think of him as an arrogant douchebag when he greeted me, almost apathically, with an equally apathical "Hello", when he regularly checked his phone, when he didn't seem to care about anything I said. Until I found out that he's rather ... special, to communicate with. Extraordinary. He seemed much at ease and loom, as if he might have used drugs - which he didn't. It's just his personality. The moment where I came to appreciate him, was when he began telling me his history. Some things we had in common. We've both been raised by autistic parents, in a rather toxic environment, and he also suffer(ed/s) from MDD, and took the exact same medication. We had bound; an awkward bond, but a bond nonetheless. He didn't say as much as I did, and yet I started liking him. We could share our love for dogs, for Scandinavia, our medication, our family, our academic interests, and much more. We left the fastfood restaurant, buyed an ice cream, and sat on a stone little wall, at about hip height. And we talked a bit more, we laughed a lot more, we pretended to leave, ironically/cynically saying "Bye" in a most apathical way. For about 500 times, pretending to walk away, yet turning around again. And then, it was time for him to leave. He would go grab his bike. "Bye", I chuckled. And he smirked. ... ... "Would you ... like, perhaps ... Want to join me to my bike?"; and of course, I did. Then he could've taken the chance to leave on his bike, as wanting to leave was the impression he  intended to give insincerely, but he didn't. We walked the same path up until the point where we had to take another route. After talking for a long time at that point, and saying goodbye for about a thousand times, no hugs, kisses or whatever, we left. No hugs or kisses, but I was at peace; I was satisfied and at ease. And most definitely, I wanted to have another date. First sort of big mistake: kind of insisting to let me know whether he enjoyed it or not, even though I could've told myself that he did like it. Altogether he didn't appreciate being asked whether he liked it or not, and told me that it didn't matter. So I accepted it. A few weeks later, after the exams had ended, we agreed to go out again. Let the stereotypes roll in: a night at the movies. Well, evening. Going to the movies (Love, Simon; for the interested), where we both appeared to be about equally emotionally affectable when we sat there, subtly snorting. Going to have dinner together, aka snack bar time. Where we had another great time. After having finished our meals, we went outside. Saying an equally "Bye" as the previous time we met, and turning our backs to one another. However, upon leaving, we stumbled upon someone. Someone I'd recognised. Someone who had recognised me as well. Someone "my date" appeared to know. Someone I had recognised from having matched on Tinder. After kiddingly saying "bye", I turned around, and "my date" didn't. He walked away with the guy we commonly recognised, in the opposite direction as I. Before crossing the street, he quickly looked back, and I made him clear that I was confused, not knowing what had happened, but he didn't return, yet continued walking away. Fury. Fear. Torment. Pain. Confusion. Sadness. Nausea. I didn't know what to feel most, or first. I didn't know what had happened, and impulsively grabbed my phone and texted him right away. "Are you kidding me? You really did plan on meeting 2 Tinder matches at about the same time? This is some next-level shit; thanks for mating my antidepressants useless for the night being."

I don't know how I was supposed to feel, so I walked a bit. Sat down somewhere on a bench. My eyes went quite watery and I sobbed a bit. Trying to hold it in, not wanting to attract too much attention from all passers-by, I felt myself being ripped apart from all the stuff I was thinking about him. What was he doing? Did he indeed meet with 2 guys on the same evening? What would they be doing now? I couldn't imagine it, and if I could, I couldn't hold it in much longer. Yes, I'd call myself devastated back then. For about 1.5 hours, complete silence. And then he texted me back, well, on Messenger. Didn't read my text messages yet. "Acted" that nothing was wrong. Again, I was confused. I asked him what that was all about. "What?" Well, you know, walking away with someone I clearly recognised from Tinder ... Who, after a long discussion, appeared to be one of his best friends ... Who he had not foreseen coming there at that time. It was not his intention to leave at first, until I walked away a bit too far to make it a "kidding goodbye". So he walked away, too. A long discussion, after which I asked him if we could give it another chance after some time. And he agreed. He said that he didn't have much time; which was true, given that he's leaving for a congress tomorrow ... And that the plan was indeed to go to the movies and to catch a meal. And now we're doing normal again. To the extent possible. This was yesterday.

Today he asked me what all the dramaqueen stuff was all about yesterday. And indeed, I made assumptions, and I didn't give him any chance to "defend" himself, or to explain what really happened. He said I acted quite "claiming", especially given that we'd seen each other only for the second time. And I agree. I was indeed very claiming; and am, perhaps, rather than was. But now, we're good, and I'm going to try to feel okay with anything similar to happen. I made assumptions that were not necessarily true, and it is indeed possible that they knew each other for a long time, Tinder excluded.

But today, all of a sudden, I was thinking back at how I felt, at what I was thinking that they could have been doing together if indeed they planned on meeting each other (through Tinder, that is) that very evening. And I sobbed again. For the umpteenth time in my life, I got attached to someone way too quickly, and it destroys me even thinking about the idea of losing him.

For anyone who actually succeeded in reading this whole damn text, the hell can I do? I'm not planning on letting him go, and I have to loosen up a bit. Definitely. But how, without having to feel wrecked? Does this sound like a classic separation anxiety disorder?

If anyone, or anyone's kid(s), is planning on watching the second season of 13 Reasons Why, please note this warning for the last episode. There is a specific scene that concerns an important social problem in community, but is so graphical that lots of viewers were left shocked and aghast. Truth be told, I'm confident that we (members of this forum) ought to be intelligent and educated enough so that we need not be confronted with this scene for making us attent of this social problem in society. However, it was a really good series after all, and I enjoyed watching it. Except for that scene. It left me shocked, staring at a paused screen for about 15 minutes and I personally did not have any added value from that scene (38:24 until 39:49).

Pretty sure the German term "lebensunwertes Leben" was invented for mosquitoes.

Penultimate examination period is upon us. I'm going to be so relieved once our internships begin in January. Welp, there we go!

4 months and [CENSORED] kgs later, I'm going to start running again this evening ... Wish me luck!

Big toenail got grown in and infected, base of the nail came loose. Gave it a hard yank, but the nail was still firmly attached from about halfway up to the distal end. Totally ripped off. I've never seen a toe bleed so much before. One of my worst mistakes ever. I don't think I've ever felt such excruciating pain before.

Going to present some first results for my thesis at the European Conference on Clinical Neuroimaging in Brussels! 

Promotor (specialist in nuclear medicine) called my thesis literature review chapter on positron emission tomography "very sound and accurate" and was very satisfied with it. Made my day!

Anyone ever heard of PMOD for PET scan VOI determination and quantification of PET parameters? If so, know why it's such a pain in the ass?

My promotor called the first three chapters of the literature review part of my thesis (totally 10 chapters), which currently counts approx. 40 pages, "Very thorough and accurate!" with only 3 small detailist remarks.

Made my day.

First day of SSRI. I'm curious.

Noticed the site was offline for quite a while, but it seems like it was totally worth it. Good job, everyone.

Got my BSc ^^