Fight SCIENCE

[Nevets]

I came across on YouTube a channel called 'Fight SCIENCE'. I respect some of the YouTuber's martial art techniques, however he also makes videos based upon deescalation and how to completely avoid violence in the first place by using methods which I personally consider bordering on madness.

He makes a video called "what to do if a person with bad intentions stares at you", and he explains that you should look at them in order to let them know that you are not scared by validating them, and then look away because you don't want to be drawn into an ego battle, and this lets the bully know that they are unimportant to you.

Link to YT channel removed by moderator

I personally have reservations with this advice, as in my opinion to look at someone for even a split second just to let them know that you are not scared of them 'is' in my opinion getting involved with the EGO battle, and the belief that this glance will let the bully know that you have validated him is simple madness.

I imagine that this YouTuber believes his own theory as he has likely put this into practice many times himself and came to no harm, however I think he would also find that if in most occasions he totally ignored the bully and just carried on walking he in most occasions reach the same result. The only difference being that he would have denied himself the opportunity in his own mind to convince himself that he let the bully know that he was not scared of him.

My personal experiences tell me that in actual fact bullies are mostly looking for shy people that are easily intimidated, and I believe that his theory of his actually exhibits a lot of shy tendencies, and so this method could backfire. 

To begin with, worrying about whether or not someone thinks you are scared is majorly associated with shy people, and looking at someone quickly and looking away is a very shy action.

The YouTuber also continues in his presentation to state that once you have looked away and carried on walking you should use situational awareness and use the reflection from shop windows to keep an eye on whether the person is following you or not.

This tells me that the YouTuber is himself not one hundred percent confident that his own method dealt with the situation, and the bully is in fact getting what he wanted by having a psychological effect on the YouTuber. The bully has him paranoid, and using shop windows to look for peoples reflections.

Quite simply, I think simply showing the person that you are not shy is the best method. A person that is not shy is not concerned about whether someone thinks they are scared or not, and realises that fear is a natural emotion that comes and goes in seconds. Someone that is not shy would have absolutely no problem with turning to an individual that is staring at them aggresively and out of many statements in their locker, choosing on this occasion to be honest and simply say in a polite, firm, confident tone of voice, "excuse me, could you please stop staring at me as you are making me nervous".

Someone that is not shy will be confident that the bully will not find this strange at-all, as the bully will also have a very good understanding of how normal it is to be scared or nervous, and will probably actually respect your bravery for being so honest. All other witnesses on the street will also probably respect your honesty and bravery, and you may even find another witness agreeing with you that the person was also making them feel uncomfy.

The other thing about not being shy, is that now that the aggressive bully realises you are a talkative, intelligent and polite person that is willing to have discourse with you, he will likely now not be wanting to try and make a victim of you any longer as he will realise that he will not be able to make any words he comes out with sound so calm and confident as what is coming out of your mouth, and anything he says will sound sheepish in comparison.

You can now walk away safe in the knowledge that the bully might now decide that intimidation is not the correct career for him and go away and try and learn some social skills instead.

Alternatively, you may not feel like engaging with him at this moment, and may just keep walking and wait until he actually makes a move before enaging with him, or you could show you are not shy in other ways by trying to find a friendly passer-by that seems open to a nice friendly smile and 'hello'.

There are a million different ways to deal with situations like this. However I have always told myself, just don't be shy, and you can just decide which method you will use as you go.

However, looking at someone without being ready to speak, would be a cardinal sin to a person that is genuinely unshy.

But I would be very intterested to hear from others on here about what they think of 'Fight SCIENCE'S' Science.

Edited December 12, 2023 by Phi for All
No advertising, please.

[Bufofrog]

This post has nothing to do with science and it appears to be just an advertisement for a Youtube channel.

[Nevets]

11 minutes ago, Bufofrog said:

This post has nothing to do with science and it appears to be just an advertisement for a Youtube channel.

Would it not come under social science?

[Phi for All]

!

Moderator Note

I'm OK with leaving it here, but it's probably more of a Psychology topic. I've removed the link to the YT channel because we'd be flooded if we allowed folks to promote them, but fortunately the OP has enough information for a discussion. 

 

[Nevets]

I would just like to add, that I am not saying that there is anything intrinsically wrong with glancing at aggressors. Just that it is madness to think that this minute action is required to keep us safe. I mean there is nothing wrong with walking up a street taking quick glances at everything around you, and even the odd quick nod of acknowledgement: "oh look, busker, oh look, woman in high heels, oh look, cyclist coming right towards me, oh look, lunatic staring straight at me, oh look, bookshop selling a book I really really want". In fact, if you are really in a confident mood you might even feel socially skilled enough to have let out a little quick a mock gesture of jumping out of your skin when glancing at the lunatic staring straight at you before immediately diverting your attention to the bookstore. This would give the impression that you even see humour in potentially dangerous situations, which in itself is going to put the bully off attacking you. However when glancing at the bully it would be madness to think that anything much was portrayed beyond that you were walking around in neutral and taking everything in without thinking very much at-all, really.

Anyway, I have found another Guru site offering tips which I would like to comment on.

https://londonwingchun.co.uk/what-do-attackers-look-for-in-a-victim/

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• Walk in a manner in which you don’t stand out from the crowd. This means that you should pay attention to your Stride. Take confident steps with an open gait.

No, do not pay attention to your stride, because even walking can become very difficult when you pay to much attention to it. Instead focus on becoming less self conscious, not more self conscious, and believe in yourself that if you are truly using your brain this will show in your body language without you consciously making an effort. Also definitely do not fake walking with a gait, as this will come across as an arrogant swagger.

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• Check your body posture. Stand tall with your shoulders back, chin up. Bend your arms naturally and let them swing as you walk.

No, don't check your body posture, as your body posture is natural for the current mood you are feeling. Instead try checking your emotions, and your posture will follow automatically. And definitely do not swing your arms like a soldier, particularly not if you are walking with a gait like John Travolta.

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• Be aware. Pay attention to who’s paying attention to you. Basically, build your awareness. Look around as you walk, notice people and things that might seem out of place in your environment.

Yes, be aware, but don't go looking for things that may seem out of place in your environment, as that is just looking for trouble. Instead understand that somethings are out of your control, and so long as those things are not affecting you, they are none of your business and no threat to you.

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It’s not difficult to stand up straight, walk with determination, and be alert to your surroundings. The challenge is to keep it up. This is possible if you can make it a habit in your daily routine.

No, don't walk with determination, unless you really do have a purpose and something which you really are determined to get to, as nobody can keep up being determined all the time, and people will notice that you are behaving in an unrealistic fashion which you are never going to be able to keep up. On the other hand, if you really are in a determined mood, then you will walk with determination anyway. So no need to force or fake it.

End of the day, you are only going to walk with a swagger, like a soldier, with determination and whilst pretending to be a special trained operative in the arts of spotting danger when you remember to. But whenever you forget to do those things you are always going to slip back into your normal and natural state of being, and people are not stupid, they can see when someone is acting in a manner without knowing what exactly is inside those actions, so better to relax, and be yourself, be open to learning, and learn about life naturally, as you go. Also realise that the hundreds of people that knew you already liked and preferred the nice and friendly you that did not begin acting like a wannabe hardman just to impress one or two bullies which probably even only existed inside your own head because you were perhaps being a touch sensative and self conscious.

 

Edited December 12, 2023 by Nevets