Gilded

Haha, good one Sayo.

I was inspired by the nearingzero.net science-related pictures, so here's Gilded's first ever science picture. It was drawn in about half a minute, so it's not too suitable for a shirt, but I think it's kinda funny.

http://www.geocities.com/nabomato/uranium.JPG

I think it's just a plastic cord that burns quite slowly, and ignited like normal fuse. Probably good for things you need to run a mile away from before they explode.

Yeah, but making such a small bomb isn't possible with a fission device to provide the necessary heat. I think the supercritical mass for plutonium (best choice for a fission device) is about 10kg, so a neutron bomb (which is basically a fusion bomb without the U-238 coating), can't be of a very small size, UNLESS you have a material that can provide the necessary heat for deuterium-tritium fusion in relatively small amounts, which is what red mercury is said to do.

I don't know, it just looked like copper.

Yes, I don't own any copyrights to those. Feel free to shorten them if you like to.

"I was in the Chernobyl area and all I got was this stupid shirt - and a two pound cancer tumor."

"Warning! Eating nerve toxins is not for everyone. Consult your doctor before doing so."

"Thallium - something you want to eat in powder form after watching Martha Stewart."

Ah red mercury. It's almost a legendary compound. Red mercury antimony oxide is the only I know of, Hg2Sb2O7, about 35.000$/kg. Everyone keeps telling me that red mercury can replace the fission explosive in a neutron bomb. If this were true (which I hardly think is), you could make a baseball-size neutron bomb with mainly red mercury and lithium deuterate, that would provide so much neutron radiation that it would kill every living thing within a couple of blocks! Scary stuff. FBI etc. tell that Russia manufactured loads of it during the Cold War, but they seem to lack any evidence. The "briefcase bombs" are also said to use red mercury, but once again, no evidence.

I had a green flame lighter. The metal thingie that made it green was used up and broke off. It seemed like copper or some mix of copper and another metal.

Time travel-related shirts are fun

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go and discover time travel yesterday"

"My Geiger-counter is registering ultra-high ratings! It's on Moron-frequency!"

"Don't have a cow! They have foot and mouth disease anyway."

"I hope that in a parallel universe IT'S NOT F*CKING MONDAY AGAIN!"

"I have all the elements to become a porn star! Carbon, potassium, oxygen..."

"WWED - What Would Einstein Do?"

"Nuclear warfare is wrong. Think of the helpless plutonium atoms!"

"I'm so cool that I'm starting to get superconductive."

"lithium is a great reducing agent"

Yeah, that's what Hahn used it for.

"I Checked the order form. It says (Sorry we no longer accept internacional orders)"

Well that's a bummer. Try http://www.skylighter.com or http://www.firefox-fx.com .

Heh, thanks Phi.

"Is that a nuclear reactor cooling rod in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

"Chemistry is no laughing matter - unless you're making nitrous oxide."

"I like apple3.14159265358979323846..."

"Aliens are rude - they didn't even buy me flowers or chocolate before the probing!"

"Your eyes are like the Sun and Sirius - not so bright, but as distant from each other."

"I could go for some H2O + nC2H5OH right now..."

"Your momma is so fat, that astronomers thought they've found a new planet!"

A man has had a terrible headache for several months. He decides he will commit suicide if there's nothing to do about it, but first he visits the doctor for the last time. "Ah yes, we have finally found a reason for your headache. It's your testicles; they are the reason. You have to be castrated" the doctor says. The man realizes that he can't live with the pain, so he agrees. Sometime after the operation the man gets incredibly depressed and decides that maybe new clothes would cheer him up.

In a store:

Man: I'm looking for a fancy green shirt.

Shop Assistant: *picks up a shirt* This is your size?

Man: Wow, how did you know?

Shop Assistant: I've been on the business so long that I know these things.

Man: Right... I also need new shoes.

Shop Assistant: *picks up black shoes* Is this your size?

Man: Wow! You were right again!

Shop Assistant: Well, I know these things. Do you need anything else?

Man: Yes, new underwear.

Shop Assistant: *picks up a pack of underwear* Is this your size?

Man: Aha! You were wrong this time, my size is two sizes smaller.

Shop Assistant: Well OK, you can have underwear that are two sizes smaller but they will create so much pressure on your testicles that you will get an awful headache.

...

....Yep.

------

A Finn, a Britt and an American go into a bar.

Brittish Guy: I'll have a Carlsberg.

American Guy: I'll have a Budweiser.

Finnish Guy: I'll have a glass of water.

Brittish & American guys: Why didn't you have a beer?

Finnish Guy: Because neither did you guys.

------

Here's a joke dedicated to ionizing radiation and its funny effects.

A cowboy goes into a bar and sees a Russian man. The cowboy flips a coin in the air, shoots it twice during its flight, making two holes in it. The coin lands on the Russian guy's table. "Bill, Buffalo Bill" says the cowboy. The Russian is confused at first, then stands up, puts down his trousers, shows his third testicle and says "Bill, Cherno-Bill".

"yeah; i had a little lithium oxide from extracting lithium from batteries"

You weren't trying to pull a David Hahn, were you?

"Who knows a good internet store with equipment to make small mortars and ships internacionaly."

There's a lot of those, since mortar shells and such aren't really dangerous by themselves, so even United Nuclear (in the case they have completely their shipping to foreign countries) can ship them. I personally would like to get my hands on some Visco safety fuse but it seems to have some sort of shipping regulations.

Now that you mention the company's name, I actually found West aluminum powder on amazon some time ago.

A Finnish man goes on a trip around the world. Soon his friend receives a letter from Kenya:

"Hi! I shot a lion in Kenya."

Then, after a couple of days a letter from Portugal:

"I spent a night with an amazing Portugese girl!"

Then, after a week, a letter from Australia:

"Ok, I visited a venereal disease clinic in Sydney. I should have shot the girl and spent the night with the lion."

----

Turns out only VD-jokes come to mind, so here's another one:

A man gets a horrible disease from a girl she slept while he was on a holiday in Jamaica; his penis turns green. The man then goes to look for the most skilled doctors that could have a cure for his awful disease. First, he goes to Sydney. "Amputation is the only option", says the doctor. "OH GOD NO! There's got to be another way!" the man replies. Then the man goes to New York. Same thing happens. The man is devastated, and decides to visit a Jamaican voodoo doctor who might have a cure:

Man: Please, tell me there's no need for amputation!

Voodoo Doctor: No amputation. No need cut off.

Man: OH THANK GOD!

Voodoo Doctor: Yes, no need cut off. Penis fall off by itself before Monday.

Damn, I need to go and get me some Pt-wire.

Well I do hate Ikea. And in Finland you have too much wooden furniture lying about. Just gotta do something with them. And a pine table is also a good testing platform; if something breaks it by itself, that is most likely also capable of breaking your bones and sending your limbs to orbit the Earth.

And I also have a theory that pine tables are hostile aliens disguised as wooden furniture.

Yesterday, I visited a store with all sorts of furniture/painting related stuff. I couldn't locate any aluminum in the paint section. In which sort of painting it's used? I have a hunch that it's used in boat painting, but I'm not too sure.

I did buy myself some nice transparent-plastic coated copperwires for electric ignition, though.

Yeah, that's nearly identical to the page I found in Finnish. Nice colors indeed!

"If you lose an electron, be positive about it!"

"Hey baby, wanna share an electron or two?"

"I'm a heavy metal fan. My favourite is thallium."

"In a parallel universe, I'm kicking your ass right now!"

"Ionizing radiation can cause mutations? I have to inform my third testicle about this!"

"Guns don't kill people. Kinetic energy kills people."

You won't even know what hit you when someday hamsters build a nuclear bomb using an aluminum soda can, some chewing gum and a rubber duck.

Wow, quite a thrust! And maybe if it were to be launched off a pine table... Mmmm...

Chloride will produce a green flame, yes. Not too bright in green though, if you really want green flames, I mean really really green, I recommend the chlorate. Be careful though, it's toxic (as mentioned) and somewhat unstable (as mentioned).

Oh they grow up so fast. One day you're talking about hydrogen peroxide and the next you're talking about element collecting.

Barium chlorate - the king of green flames. I'm not sure about the perchlorate though (it's more stable at least).

Heh, if they had IQ way above human genius level, then even if they were normal sized ants I think we wouldn't stand a chance.

"Will they make us all slaves, eat our young, or simply steal jobs?"

Yeah that's about it.

Employee: WHAT?! Why did you fire me?!

Chief: Well, today an ant with an IQ of 357 came here and asked if he could fill your position.

Employee: The same ant whose friends made my grandma a sugar cookie slave? THE SAME ANT WHOSE FRIENDS ATE MY TWO DAUGHTERS?!

Chief: You mean Xhazinffdaclackclickclackzxytl? Yeah, that's the guy.