[iNow]

In their most recent act of compassion, liberal lefties have decided to add Republicans and neoconservative values to the endangered species list.

[Baby Astronaut]

Hey, well someone deleted my one joke. Maybe they didn't get it and thought it wasn't a joke, since it's more like deadpan humor.

I began with: "I'm not exactly a comedian, maybe someone can help me.....Is compassionate conservatism a joke?"

Get it? I was hinting their "compassion" is a joke. Lol, eh? Maybe it was too offensive. :rolleyes: (but considering the number of political jokes in the thread...)

[iNow]

Barack Obama’s inauguration will come with a hefty price tag, estimated at more than $170 million.

The actual swearing in ceremony cost $1.24 million, and the federal government gave $75 million to neighboring states Virginia and Maryland to help pay for their share of police, fire and medical services.

The remainder of the money will go to the thug who put Cheney in a wheelchair. :D

---

line[/hr]
Today's inauguration was attended by more than a million people. Suprisingly, there were only a a few problems. Ten people got frostbite, five people fainted, and Dick Cheney ran over three lawyers.






:D

[padren]

Since we've gone on a political theme for a few posts, let me see if I can make this one work as a non visually:

What does Obama mean when he says he wants to bring change for Americans?
Hand him a dollar and see what you get back.

[iNow]

US Vice President Dick Cheney pulled a muscle in his back while moving boxes and will be in a wheelchair for Tuesday's historic inauguration of incoming president Barack Obama. The good news is that he had to cancel his planned participation in the inaugural 21-gun salute.


"Phew!," said a few close friends who happened to be lawyers. :D

[Baby Astronaut]

Injured his back in a last ditch effort to remove forgotten boxes of evidence left in Rove's previous office, hidden so well they forgot about it :D

Pretty heavy boxes

[npts2020]

One would think that after carrying the entire nation on his shoulders for the past eight years, a few boxes should be nothing.

[Pangloss]

Use this thread to post jokes and humor related to politics and political events.

---

Merged post follows:

Consecutive posts merged
Here's one to help us get started:

[Shadow]

Stick with it, it gets better:

[FONT="]SOCIALISM[/FONT]
[FONT="]You have 2 cows.[/FONT]
[FONT="]You give one to your neighbor.[/FONT]

[FONT="]COMMUNISM[/FONT]
[FONT="]You have 2 cows.[/FONT]
[FONT="]The State takes both and gives you some milk.[/FONT]

[FONT="]FASCISM[/FONT]
[FONT="]You have 2 cows.[/FONT]
[FONT="]The State takes both and sells you some milk.[/FONT]

[FONT="]NAZISM[/FONT]
[FONT="]You have 2 cows.[/FONT]
[FONT="]The State takes both and shoots you.[/FONT]

[FONT="]BUREAUCRATISM[/FONT]
[FONT="]You have 2 cows.[/FONT]
[FONT="]The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away…[/FONT]

[FONT="]TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM[/FONT]
[FONT="]You have two cows.[/FONT]
[FONT="]You sell one and buy a bull.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.[/FONT]
[FONT="]You sell them and retire on the income.[/FONT]

[FONT="]AN AMERICAN CORPORATION[/FONT]
[FONT="]You have two cows.[/FONT]
[FONT="]You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.[/FONT]

[FONT="]ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM[/FONT]
[FONT="]You have two cows.[/FONT]
[FONT="]You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.[/FONT]
[FONT="]The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.[/FONT]
[FONT="]The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.[/FONT]
[FONT="]You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.[/FONT]
[FONT="]No balance sheet provided with the release.[/FONT]
[FONT="]The public then buys your bull.[/FONT]

[FONT="]A FRENCH CORPORATION[/FONT]
[FONT="]You have two cows.[/FONT]
[FONT="]You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.[/FONT]

[FONT="]A JAPANESE CORPORATION[/FONT]
[FONT="]You have two cows.[/FONT]
[FONT="]You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.[/FONT]
[FONT="]You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.[/FONT]

[FONT="]A GERMAN CORPORATION[/FONT]
[FONT="]You have two cows.[/FONT]
[FONT="]You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.[/FONT]

[FONT="]AN ITALIAN CORPORATION[/FONT]
[FONT="]You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.[/FONT]
[FONT="]You decide to have lunch.[/FONT]

[FONT="]A RUSSIAN CORPORATION[/FONT]
[FONT="]You have two cows.[/FONT]
[FONT="]You count them and learn you have five cows.[/FONT]
[FONT="]You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.[/FONT]
[FONT="]You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.[/FONT]
[FONT="]You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.[/FONT]

[FONT="]A SWISS CORPORATION[/FONT]
[FONT="]You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.[/FONT]
[FONT="]You charge the owners for storing them.[/FONT]

[FONT="]A CHINESE CORPORATION[/FONT]
[FONT="]You have two cows.[/FONT]
[FONT="]You have 300 people milking them.[/FONT]
[FONT="]You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.[/FONT]
[FONT="]You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.[/FONT]

[FONT="]AN INDIAN CORPORATION[/FONT]
[FONT="]You have two cows.[/FONT]
[FONT="]You worship them.[/FONT]

[FONT="]A BRITISH CORPORATION[/FONT]
[FONT="]You have two cows.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Both are mad.[/FONT]

[FONT="]AN IRAQI CORPORATION[/FONT]
[FONT="]Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.[/FONT]
[FONT="]You tell them that you have none.[/FONT]
[FONT="]No-one believes you, so they bomb you and invade your country.[/FONT]
[FONT="]You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy…[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman]SURREALISM[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman]You have two giraffes.[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman]The government requires you to take harmonica lessons[/FONT]

Cheers,

Gabe

PS.: Hope this isn't a repost :)

[padren]

I usually hate adding to jokes as I never can write them as well as the original but I'll take a stab at adding a few contemporary scenarios:



SUBPRIME:
You buy ten times as many cows by buying old and often sickly cows
By always adding more cows, you ensure at any given time most cows will be alive
To be extra safe, you keep all the cows in one, unhygienic poorly ventilated warehouse

MADOFF METHOD:
You take money for cows, and write checks back with the memo "Milk Profits"
Maybe it's from milk, maybe it's from new investors
No one is really paying attention

BIG THREE AUTO:
You specialize is milk from fat, overfeed grain guzzling cows
You fire your milkers and move all your cows to Mexico, and have the milk shipped back
Back home, you wonder why no one can afford milk

WALLSTREET:
You sell pieces of paper that say COW on them.
Sometimes you buy back a few and sell back paper that says 3 COWS on them
Little words like "subprime" that also sometimes appear on the paper tends to get lost in these transactions

[iNow]

[padren]

Joe Biden quote:

Quote

If I say everything right, if I do it with absolute certainty, there’s still a 30 percent chance I'll put my foot in my mouth before finishing this sentence.

[Pangloss]

From tonight's Jay Leno:

In the news, Governor Sarah Palin's daughter, Bristol Palin, was interviewed by Fox News. She said "A year ago I never would have thought that I'd become a mom, or that my mom was going to be chosen to become a vice presidential candidate".

Oddly enough, both things happened because some guy failed to take the proper precautions!

[padren]

Knock Knock
Who's There?
Joseph Wurzelbacher
Joseph Wurzelbacher who?
....finally - I thought those fifteen minutes would never end!

[padren]

Here's a few that could be fun - you know you're in a depression when:

* When hobos stand around empty barrels because they can't afford the lighter fluid.

* People hold out their iPhones and make fart noises with their mouths, because they can't afford the iFart Application.

* When "Who wants to be a Thousandaire" becomes the #1 hit TV show in America.

* When you have 6 degrees in the direction of your creditors and debtors all saying "I have it coming in, I'll pay you as soon as it does" (Sadly I think I may be here...)

* When your neighborhood starts marking the houses not for sale to save on signs (from Colbert or Stewart, forget which)

* When Jeff Foxworthy rebrands his entire routine as "You may be a Wall Street Fat Cat if..." jokes.

* When the only shares going up in the stock market are for that company that manufactures red ink.

* When your coin collection would be worth more melted down.

...add em if you got em.

[iNow]

This is more of a great quote than it is political humor, but it warranted sharing.

"The vacuum in Republican leadership has allowed a mean-spirited, lard-ass talk radio mind-corpse to become de facto leader... which is turning an already crippled party into a bickering laughing stock."

~Stephen Colbert referring to Rush Limbaugh

[Pangloss]

SNL had a couple of great political sketches this past week that I thought worth mentioning.

This first one features Treasury Secretary Geithner setting aside $420 billion for... anyone who might know the answer to the economic crisis! The real fun begins when he starts taking calls, so wait for that.
http://www.nbc.com/S...d-open/1056121/

This second one shows what happens when you make Barack Obama angry. He becomes... TheRock Obama!
http://www.nbc.com/S...-obama/1056126/

[Pangloss]

From Jay Leno:

The first group of western tourists is spending spring break in Iraq this week. Apparently spring break in Iraq isn't much different from spring break in Florida -- half of the tourists got bombed, and the other half got stoned.

[Pangloss]

http://www.telegraph...up-kitchen.html

Michelle Obama served lunch at a soup kitchen for the homeless near the White House on Thursday. Here's a picture from the event:



Question: If that guy is homeless, where does the cell phone company send his bills to? :D



(Yeah I know, could be prepaid. I just thought it was funny.)

This post has been edited by Pangloss: 26 March 2009 - 07:18 AM

[iNow]