Hi

I've betrayed someone 15 years ago.

For a long time, i didn't think about it.

Now i've stopped drugs, it came back, and it kinda burns me everyday.

I have the possibility to send a message to the person, to apologize.

But wouldn't that be too late? Wouldn't that be egoist? Like just to feel better?

Or maybe I don't know what a proper apology is?

Should I just keep living with it? Maybe it's the price to pay.

But, I was thinking, if apologizing would be positive for both sides, then I would do it, but I'm not sure I would make things worst, bring back and old memory, provoke anger... should I just take the risk...

Easy. Do a Magwitch.

Decide what compensation would help ease your conscience and have a third party (eg a solicitor) deliver it to the wronged person anonymously.

Some 12-step programs have advice on making amends; how to do it, and what options you have if a confrontation might cause pain or harm.

1 hour ago, sethoflagos said:

Easy. Do a Magwitch.

Decide what compensation would help ease your conscience and have a third party (eg a solicitor) deliver it to the wronged person anonymously.

A compensation? Like I propose the person to beat me and then we are even?

I don't think doing this anonymously is the appropriate way, at least for this case, or for what I want...

I mean I could still send a lot of money anonymously and then maybe feel a bit better, like I did something good

I think i'm more interested about apologizing, so not anonymously, but yes why not proposing something to the person, like proposing to revenge or something.....

I didn't physically harm a person, I recorded and shared an intimate media file

Although in the end it can still harm physically...
I know i've been a piece of shit for doing that

1 hour ago, swansont said:

Some 12-step programs have advice on making amends; how to do it, and what options you have if a confrontation might cause pain or harm.

I didn't know, I don't really have an idea to which programs to look at, never participated to such, I guess I should look into Alcoholics Anonymous

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For like many years I didn't think about it, then i've stopped smoking thc, then the memory came back

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Edited July 11Jul 11 by raphaelh42

39 minutes ago, raphaelh42 said:

I didn't know, I don't really have an idea to which programs to look at, never participated to such, I guess I should look into Alcoholics Anonymous

I think a lot of programs are based on the same ideas.

https://waypointrecoverycenter.com/blog/making-amends-a-crucial-part-of-the-12-steps/

Another vote for apologizing to the guy. The time in between is ultimately of no importance. Whatever pain you imagine will be brought up by your doing so will be outweighed by the apology (assuming it's genuine). More likely he's gotten over it, no pain, no relief. But even then it'll be good for you.

Choosing to live with regret keeps pain alive, but forgiveness—whether of others or oneself—can bring relief. Apologizing may be hard, but it often clears the path to peace. Sometimes, releasing guilt through apology is the only way to truly heal and move on.