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Model: Gemini 2.5 Pro 06-05, Google AI Studio.

Prompt: "Create an esoteric programming language that makes even a simple program look like a secret document from X-Files".

Of course. I present to you: CLASSIFIED (Code Language and Subversive Information Field Interpretation/Execution Document).

The motto of CLASSIFIED is: The Truth is in the Code.

Core Philosophy

The primary goal of CLASSIFIED is to make any program, no matter how trivial, read like a top-secret government report on an unexplained phenomenon. The syntax is intentionally verbose, bureaucratic, and paranoid.

A key feature is The Redaction Principle: Any line of text that is not a recognized command is treated as flavor text and completely ignored by the interpreter. This allows the programmer to write paragraphs of descriptive, conspiratorial prose in which the actual code is embedded.

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Language Specification: CLASSIFIED

1. File Structure

Every CLASSIFIED program must be structured as a case file.

• Header (Mandatory): The program must begin with the line CASE FILE: [filename]

• Classification (Mandatory): The second line must be CLASSIFICATION: TOP SECRET // EYES ONLY

• Footer (Mandatory): The program must end with the line // INVESTIGATION CLOSED //

2. Variables and Data (Subjects of Interest)

Variables are "Subjects." All Subjects must be formally designated before use.

• Declaration: DESIGNATE SUBJECT [variable_name]

• Assignment: OBSERVATION: SUBJECT [variable_name] IS NOW [value]

• Data Types:

  • Strings: Enclosed in double quotes. Referred to as VERBAL TESTIMONY.

    • OBSERVATION: SUBJECT agent_name IS NOW "Fox Mulder"

  • Numbers: Standard integers or floats. Referred to as NUMERICAL ANOMALY.

    • OBSERVATION: SUBJECT alien_count IS NOW 3

  • Booleans: TRUTH or FALSEHOOD.

    • OBSERVATION: SUBJECT conspiracy_exists IS NOW TRUTH

3. Input/Output (Evidence Gathering and Presentation)

• Output to Console: PRESENT EVIDENCE: [value or SUBJECT]

  • PRESENT EVIDENCE: "The creatures were last seen near the warehouse."

  • PRESENT EVIDENCE: SUBJECT agent_name

• Input from User: INTERROGATE SOURCE FOR SUBJECT [variable_name]

  • This will halt the program and wait for user input, assigning the result to the specified Subject.

4. Control Flow (Investigation Procedures)

Control flow is handled through conditional investigations and surveillance loops.

• If/Else Statements:

  • COMMENCE INQUIRY INTO PHENOMENON: [condition]

  • (code to run if TRUTH)

  • ALTERNATIVE HYPOTHESIS:

  • (code to run if FALSEHOOD)

  • END INQUIRY

• While Loops:

  • MAINTAIN SURVEILLANCE WHILE: [condition]

  • (code to repeat)

  • END SURVEILLANCE

5. Operations (Data Analysis)

Operations use bureaucratic, verbose syntax. They always store the result in a new or existing Subject.

• Syntax: ANALYZE [Subject1] AND [Subject2] USING [Operation] STORING RESULT IN SUBJECT [target_subject]

• Available Operations:

  • CORRELATION (Addition: +)

  • EXTRACTION (Subtraction: -)

  • AMPLIFICATION (Multiplication: *)

  • DIVISION (Division: /)

  • REMAINDER (Modulo: %)

• Example:
  ANALYZE SUBJECT x AND 5 USING CORRELATION STORING RESULT IN SUBJECT y (This is y = x + 5)

6. Conditions (Verification of Truth)

Conditions are used in control flow and must be explicitly verified.

• Syntax: [Subject or value] IS [Comparator] [Subject or value]

• Comparators:

  • IDENTICAL TO (==)

  • NOT IDENTICAL TO (!=)

  • GREATER THAN (>)

  • LESS THAN (<)

  • GREATER THAN OR IDENTICAL TO (>=)

  • LESS THAN OR IDENTICAL TO (<=)

• Example:
  COMMENCE INQUIRY INTO PHENOMENON: SUBJECT alien_count IS GREATER THAN 0

7. Comments

Marginalia and unofficial notes are preceded by //.
// Skinner won't be happy about this.

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Example Programs

Example 1: Hello, World!

      CASE FILE: GREETING-ALPHA-731

CLASSIFICATION: TOP SECRET // EYES ONLY

AGENT: Mulder, F.
INCIDENT DATE: 10.26.2023

Initial field report indicates the presence of a coded message. We believe it is a simple test transmission from an unknown source. The message itself is benign, but its origin is deeply concerning. We must display it for further analysis.

PRESENT EVIDENCE: "The Truth Is Out There."

This could be the thread that unravels everything. Or it could be a prank. With these people, you never know.

// INVESTIGATION CLOSED //
    

Example 2: User Input and Output (The "Cat" Program)

      CASE FILE: ECHO-CHAMBER-X

CLASSIFICATION: TOP SECRET // EYES ONLY

MEMORANDUM FOR THE RECORD

We have established a secure channel to an unknown informant. We must send a query and record their exact response. This procedure will repeat until the informant transmits the termination code "goodbye".

DESIGNATE SUBJECT informant_response
OBSERVATION: SUBJECT informant_response IS NOW ""

MAINTAIN SURVEILLANCE WHILE: SUBJECT informant_response IS NOT IDENTICAL TO "goodbye"
    The informant is unpredictable. We must capture every word.
    PRESENT EVIDENCE: "Awaiting transmission..."
    INTERROGATE SOURCE FOR SUBJECT informant_response
    The received data is being logged. We must echo it back to confirm receipt.
    PRESENT EVIDENCE: "Confirmed echo: "
    PRESENT EVIDENCE: SUBJECT informant_response
END SURVEILLANCE

The informant has terminated the connection. The transcripts are being compiled for review. We are no closer to the truth.

// INVESTIGATION CLOSED //
    

IGNORE_WHEN_COPYING_START

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Use code with caution.

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Example 3: FizzBuzz (The Ultimate Test)

      CASE FILE: PROJECT-BLUEBEEP-42

CLASSIFICATION: TOP SECRET // EYES ONLY

SUBJECT: Anomaly in numerical sequence analysis.
SYNOPSIS: A program is required to analyze numbers from 1 to 100. For multiples of three, it must report "FIZZ". For multiples of five, "BUZZ". For multiples of both, "FIZZBUZZ". This seemingly mundane task is a screening test for agents with advanced logical-pattern recognition. Failure to comply is not an option.

DESIGNATE SUBJECT counter
DESIGNATE SUBJECT mod3
DESIGNATE SUBJECT mod5

OBSERVATION: SUBJECT counter IS NOW 1

MAINTAIN SURVEILLANCE WHILE: SUBJECT counter IS LESS THAN OR IDENTICAL TO 100

    // Check for FIZZBUZZ first. This is critical.
    ANALYZE SUBJECT counter AND 3 USING REMAINDER STORING RESULT IN SUBJECT mod3
    ANALYZE SUBJECT counter AND 5 USING REMAINDER STORING RESULT IN SUBJECT mod5

    COMMENCE INQUIRY INTO PHENOMENON: SUBJECT mod3 IS IDENTICAL TO 0
        COMMENCE INQUIRY INTO PHENOMENON: SUBJECT mod5 IS IDENTICAL TO 0
            PRESENT EVIDENCE: "FIZZBUZZ"
        ALTERNATIVE HYPOTHESIS:
            PRESENT EVIDENCE: "FIZZ"
        END INQUIRY
    ALTERNATIVE HYPOTHESIS:
        COMMENCE INQUIRY INTO PHENOMENON: SUBJECT mod5 IS IDENTICAL TO 0
            PRESENT EVIDENCE: "BUZZ"
        ALTERNATIVE HYPOTHESIS:
            // If it's none of the above, it's just a regular number. Report it as such.
            PRESENT EVIDENCE: SUBJECT counter
        END INQUIRY
    END INQUIRY

    // Increment the counter for the next cycle of observation.
    ANALYZE SUBJECT counter AND 1 USING CORRELATION STORING RESULT IN SUBJECT counter

END SURVEILLANCE

The sequence analysis is complete. The patterns are clear. What they mean, however, remains [REDACTED].

// INVESTIGATION CLOSED //
    

IGNORE_WHEN_COPYING_START

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Use code with caution.

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27 minutes ago, Otto Kretschmer said:

Here you can post all questions and answers generated for you by AI.

Moderator Note

No, because those discussion must take place in speculations.