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Coral Rhedd

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Everything posted by Coral Rhedd

  1. Phi, please note that we posted above about the same time. While you are correct to point out that the news media should not fan hysteria by making all sexual crimes appear to be equal, I must point out that people with poor judgment do not have the seriousness of the crimes committed against them mitigated by that poor judgment. We don't want to go back to the days when all rape victims had to be virgins and sober to have their cases seriously considered by the police.
  2. I see the media as more of a red herring than the issue. Years ago a little girl named Jessica fell into a well somewhere in Texas and the media played her lengthy rescue for all it was worth. They are just doing what they do and the "If it bleeds, it leads" mentality is not going to go away. There is a circular relationship between the media and the public when children are in danger. It makes for drama, poignancy, personalization. We can all breathe a sigh of relief that it isn't our child. We can comfort ourselves with the notion that we would be more careful. We can be on tenterhooks waiting for the child to be rescued or the body to be recovered. None of this has anything to do with the rate of recidivism among sexual abusers. Or among rapists. Sexual abuse offenders of all stripes are difficult to treat and they have an escalating pattern of behavior. Profilers like John Douglas have pointed out that the old garden variety flasher that we used to think was so harmless or the obscene phone caller are quite likely to decide that life would be more fun if they reached out and touched someone literally. This is not to say that these criminals are likely to end up on a sexual offenders list because they are not likely to be sentenced to prison in the first place. However, my heart will not bleed for them. It is a puzzle to me why in both this thread and the pedophile thread statutory rape became an issue. Of course these laws need reform (ie: Nineteen year old shouldn't be prosecuted for having sex with sixteen year olds.) but this offense is not always germane to rape or sexual abuse issues. Here is my solution for thirty-five year old guys who are afraid they might go to jail for sex with a fifteen year old: 1. Card 'em. If the bars can do it, you can to. Then before engaging in sex take the ID to the nearest all night photocopy shop and make a copy. 2. Stop going out with women who might by any stretch of the imagination be under 21. 3. Avoid casual sex. (I know it is a revolutionary idea but try actually getting to know the other person first. ) Some fifteen year old might fool you on a drunken one night stand, but giving a relationship time to develop will make it much harder for you to be so brutally trapped into getting it up for a child. 4. Do it sober. Alcohol may be a disinhibtor but it does little for male sexual functioning. 5. Try communicating about sexual techniques with your wife or girlfriend. Maybe the reason she isn't so enthused is that she would like you to try something different. 6. Pay for it. The penalties for being caught with a prostitute are much less than for statuatory rape. This way the prostitute bears most of the burden for illicit sex. Johns rarely go to prison. To solve the problem of limp willies ending up on the sexual offenders list. Confine inclusion on this list for people who have any of these in their history: 1. Had sexual relations (any kind) with children under 12. 2. Used a weapon or a drug on the victim to commit the offense. 3. Used a position of responsibility (Ie: parent, teacher, priest) to coerce sex from anyone under 18. 4. Had three strikes of sexual offenses. (Too bad three strikes laws were used to incarcerate drug offenders and petty thieves.) As to the public's perception of what notification laws do, the police should do a better job of informing parents that their children are more likely to be abused by people they know than by strangers.
  3. No. From my experience as a victim advocate I know that juries do not behave that way and many more case are pleaded out because it is difficult to take a child witness to court. Have you seen what defense attorneys do to adult witness for the prosecution on television? Well they can also be pretty formidable in a courtroom. Imagine what they can do to a child while smiling all the time. It would be interesting to have statistics on actual time served in prison by statuatory rapists. I' date=' for one, am not too worried about them seeing extended prison sentences. It is also not realistic to assume that statuatory rape is never the lesser charge pursued in more serious offenses. Lately most Western nations put a great deal of faith in the psychiatritric community to cure all behavioral ills. In fact, behavior is extremely difficult to change. Child molesters are notoriously hard to treat and not many providers are interested in working with them for that reason. Add to this the fact that they are often narcissists and/or sociopaths and the picture gets even bleaker. Many therapies are predicated on the idea or validating and believing the client. To work effectively with offenders, therapists have to begin by doubting the client. Lying and child molesting go hand-in-hand. Don't worry. Most of them look quite normal and live quietly among us, gaining our confidence and continuing their activities. Many, if not most, will never see the inside of a prison.
  4. Here is some informations from Predators In one study in the 1980s (page 11) On the reoffense rates of convicted molesters (page 60) As we can see from the above, recidivism is quite common. Certainly in the interest of informing the public, parents need to know when a child molester moves near them so that they make take more than the usual precautions for their children's safety. However, that is only part of the story. Pangloss raises a good point when he says that this information and these restrictions need to be meaningful. I wonder if Pangloss has information on the number of "date rape" offenders who end up on these lists. I look forward to reading more. What I find interesting in this thread is the eagerness to single out children as needing the greater protection of this radius. They are of course potential innocent victims. But women or men who might be raped by offenders also have an interest in knowing if a potential offender is living nearby. Tell me, please, who are the guilty victims who are not worthy of this information? Anna Salter worker with both victims and offenders.
  5. 1. Judges can only sentence them to a term allowed by law. 2. They are often well-behaved in prison because their prey of choice is not available. 3. Psychological assessment of dangerousness does not extend sentences. 4. Most pedophile predators have behavior that cannot be changed. Only a life sentence would keep them up long enough to keep children safe. Remember, many of those pedophile priests were hardly young. Obviously the solution would be one that imprisons such criminals for life. However, remember that when juries are aware that that such a penalty awaits the accused, they are more reluctant to convict.
  6. I don't want to get into the "better schools" debate. Nor have I any personal experience with how Southern schools now teach the history of the Civil War. I will point out, however, that Southern authors about the Civil War have often differed from Norther authors in two ways. 1. The causes of the war. Northern authors seem to see the existence of slavery as the major cause of the Civil War. Southern authors tend to contend that the issue was State's Rights and cite Northern economic exploitation of the South. 2. Language. Southern authors (often) call it still The War Between the States. Northern authors call in the Civil War. You can still see the uses of word choice today when politicians campaigning in the South evoke the past by use of the words "state's rights." The very word Confederacy was chosen to indicate that the arrangement the states had with the government as a whole was a bit more like a club that one could resign from. In the North, the political rallying cry of the time was "The Preservation of the Union." Dealing with the slavery issue still makes lots of folks feel squeamish.
  7. Pitocin, a sythetic form of oxytocin causes pregnant women to go into labor. It's very convenient for obstetricians who want to tee off at a certain time. I was given it to me to hurry my labor at my doctor's convenience and without consulting me. The result was very immediate and painful. It was injected. I didn't know that it could be inhaled. Oxytocin, which helps with the mother bond to her child after delivery, had a very strange effect upon me. I am not especially domestic, traditional, or maternal. However, a few hours after my daughter was born, I knew I would kill anyone who harmed her. I am not talking about the usual "Gee I love my kid romanticism" here. I am talking about a terribly primal obsession. I am ADD; I have not before or since felt a focus so intense. Men are very minor players when compared to the power of that bond. Which is why having a child can place a great burden on a marriage. Suddenly the husband finds he is very much second place to the newcomer.
  8. Odd. I did not read it that way at all. Peter started out telling her what to write, but as time passed, she found her own "voice" and was troubled by it. To me this showed how a person can adopt a persona and be absorbed into the persona itself.
  9. Sure. It is seen as dwelling on victimization or "having a victim mentality." God forbid that victims should say, "Ouch!" This is interesting. I shall add a true story along these lines presently if the thread stays on topic. Tis karma. The fact that you know all these names reveals something about your reading material. Refresh my memory on Richard Allen Davis. I can see his face clear as day but I cannot remember who he killed.
  10. Nevertheless, I believe yourdadonapogos is correct about the meaning of wherefore. My dictionary has 1 for what reason 2 for which reason (The Oxford American Desk Dictionary and Thesaurus, second edition, 2001).
  11. Haven't played poker in years, and wasn't good then. I am too cautious. However, I would bet that you were not just predicting the hands, you were reading your friends. Somehow, I think you might have a different result playing professionals who were not known to you. They don't give much away.
  12. Just rural experience: Chickens, dogs, horses, cows, goats, pigs, mules, possums, skunks, snakes, and more all seem to using staring as a form of dominance, often preceding aggression.
  13. Move this thread immediately to Psychology! We have here a bona fide case of hypergraphia.
  14. For some reason, it seems to me that those mirrored ones give an aggressive message. Maybe because they make it really impossible to tell where the wearer is looking. However, you have to consider all the practical reasons people wear sunglasses. I was at the optometrist's recently and he asked if I was really bothered by glare. I said that I was, and he explained that there is pigment behind the surface of a person's iris. Even though I have dark hazel green eyes, I have very little pigment below the surface. This makes glare a real problem for me. I must be the Swede in me. Here in the desert Southwest of the United States, sunglasses are much more than a fashion accessory. Since lizards have aggression rituals, maybe you could design some little sunglasses for them and proceed from there.
  15. To see if you are correct in your assessment that your "feelings" are predicting the cards, write down what you think the next card will be. Then you can check to see if you are doing better than chance. It is too easy to fool ourselves when we retrospect. A few times I have had really compelling "gut feelings" that panned out. Sadly, I did not follow my instincts most of the time. As I get older I have finally learned to listen to that inner voice. Sure I could try to sit down and reason every decision out, but I am ADD, a little obsessive, and I would just get myself in a muddle. For an interesting take on how we know what it seems we cannot know, read Malcolm Gladwell's fascinating book Blink.
  16. Thank you Ophiolite and Glider. I have the funds to move to a new location and will be looking for an entirely different type of work. I tried very hard to be supportive of my consumer's needs but I have found the system really squeezes them. Voc Rehab is not very responsive either. I had one consumer spend months putting together a Business Plan for Self-Employment only to be told that the Division of Vocational Rehabilitation would not support his plan because he did not already make $900 a month. They chose to totally ignore that the new business he would be starting was substantially different from his previous business. They ignored the fact that the Small Business Development Center and other organizations felt his projected business would be a success. They ignored their own guidelines and they misled and lied to him, and to me by extension. I just want out of this business. I am ashamed to be a part of the system.
  17. Severian, Do you recall reading in Franco's first post that there are young children involved? Franco seems interested in working on his marriage. It does not sound over to me. Two things I never advise people: To marry or to divorce.
  18. Actually, most of them at the clinic I have in mind in my post (no name to protect the guilty) are MSWs. There is a part time doctor and the day to day management of the clinic is the responsiblity of an MSW. Patients are either without resources or generally have few resources. People with funds or good insurance go elsewhere. The clinic runs a TLC (Transitional Living Center), a substance abuse program, a PSR (Psycosocial Rehabilitation), a Payee Program and an outpatient program. I have been puzzled myself about why there seems to be so much energy invested in keeping people dependent. Perhaps the answer lies in the service gap between dependency and self-sufficiency. There is so much risk in moving toward rehabilitation because people who become gainfully employed lose all benefits within two months. No doubt they see many people fall through that crack and end up worse off. However, I have visited and taught a seminar at the PSR, and noticed that people get constant "messages" of incapability: "You are not ready for your own bank account Danny." "Most of our consumers just need to learn to take baths." "I think our consumers need to take part time jobs that do not pay too much." (This is because an income over a certain amount disqualifies them for disability, but this income is still far below poverty level.) No kidding. I have actually these things said to people. I think these are messages of low expectation and I think they undermine recovery. Maybe we have a different understanding of labeling. In order to diagnose, the clinician must first apply a label using the DSM. Without the label -- the clinic gets no funds. It is not uncommon to see people's diagnoses change once they stop seeing clinic therapists. Often they go from major depression to schizotypal (with clinic therapists) to bipolar to PTSD. Some of them even get well. A diagnoses of PTSD is never given even when it seems warranted because it on its own (despite its debilitating symptoms) is not a legal disability that would qualify someone for Supplemental Security Income. Once someone qualifies for Supplemental Security Income (SSI) or SSDI, the clinic often suggests that the clinic become that person's Payee. That is to say that the clinic now manages that person's money. Exactly. Chronic consumers are meat and potatoes here. If they do not get well, they can remain clinic patients. The documentation process to keep them in this "category" while still showing increments of progress produces an astounding amount of paperwork. "Accountability" kills a lot of trees. MSWs are cheap. Those working at this clinic get huge patient loads. Seventy people usually. They do Crisis Line and Intakes and must accomplish the massive paperwork tasks and still see the "consumers" for therapy. Most paperwork is accomplished outside the hours of 8-5. In addition, there is a rotating on call. The financial incentive is a paycheck. If they do not jump through the proper paperwork hoops, they will not keep their jobs. I am not saying that these are evil people. I am saying the system is the problem. However, please enjoy the follow story: A woman I knew from the PSR told me that her payee had embezzled her money. This was two years ago, and the embezzler had been dismissed but not brought to trial and the consumer still had not gotten her money back. Finally, the woman pressured the clinic to take the former employee to trial. She asked me to attend the trial as she was very nervous about giving a victim statement and wanted someone with her. During the trial, I heard the defendant's attorney claim that the clinic had been reimbursed by insurance. The former payee was found guilty and sent to prison for a term of three years. Last I heard, the woman still had not had her $6,000 dollars returned to her. When I pointed out to the woman that the clinic had been reimbursed for their "loss" by insurance and that she should surely now get her $6,000 dollars back, the woman said: "I cannot afford to make them (the clinic) mad at me because I need therapy and I need to go to PSR (where this very clean and intelligent woman will learn to take baths and do house chores such as sweeping). She still has no had her money returned to her. Dependancy can be a terrible thing. Why do I not report this? Because the laws of confidentiality bind me. Because I work for a different agency. Because this woman is afraid to speak the truth. Six thousand dollars would buy this woman a used car. With a used car, she would be able to get to work in this auto dependent town. This woman is fully capable of working, but her "theraputic community" has convinced her that she should go easy on herself because she "could relapse at anytime." Sorry to be long with this post, but I am not a psych professional. I have no language to describe these things except the language that describes what I have observed.
  19. Thank you Glider. Your explanation is perfect.
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