scientistsahai

Once upon a time, there was an officer of the Royal Navy named Captain Bravado who showed no fear when facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the Seven Seas, his lookout spotted a pirate ship approaching, and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravado bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" The first mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, and while wearing the brightly colored frock, the Captain led his crew into battle and defeated the mighty pirates. That evening, all the men sat around on deck recounting the triumph of earlier. One of them asked the Captain, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before battle?" The Captain replied, "If I were to be wounded in the attack, the shirt would not show my blood. Thus, you men would continue to fight, unafraid." All of the men sat and marveled at the courage of such a manly man's man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirate ships approaching. The crew stared in worshipful silence at the Captain and waited for his usual orders. Captain Bravado gazed with steely eyes upon the vast armada arrayed against his ship, and without fear, turned and calmly shouted, "Get me my brown pants.

An alien and a man were sitting next to each other in a bar. The alien was constantly poking the guy's cheek and saying, "zzzzzt!" Finally, the guy got so mad at the alien that he said, "If you do that one more time, I'll chop your penis off!'' Again, the alien poked his cheek and said, "zzzzzt!" The guy said, "Okay, that's it!" He got up, grabbed the sharpest knife he could find, and pulled down the alien's pants. But he was astounded to see nothing there. He then said, "Well, if you don't have a penis, how do you have sex?" The alien just smiled, poked the guy's cheek, and said "zzzzzt!"

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move." "Oh," said the man, "Whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie." "Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?" St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life." "Where's George Bush's clock?" asked the man. "Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

In a mental institution, a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting as if he's driving a car. The nurse asks him, "Charlie! What are you doing?" Charlie replied, "Can't talk right now....I'm driving to Chicago!" The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room. The next day the nurse enters Charlie's room just as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks, "Well Charlie, how are you doing?" Charlie says, "I'm exhausted, I just got into Chicago and I need some rest." "That's great," replied the nurse, "I'm glad you had a safe trip." The nurse leaves Charlie's room, and goes across the hall into Fred's room, and finds Fred sitting on his bed masturbating vigorously. With suprise she asks, "Fred what are you doing!?" To which Fred replies, "I'm screwing Charlie's wife. He's in Chicago!"

In China, a NEWLY wed couple, were arguing : Wife : "Our neibhours had 12 children but still he feeds all and has brought a new microwave home.When will you get me one ? The man disturbed talks to the neighor. The nest day he too brings a microwave home.On inquiring , he tells " the govt declared that anyone who does the circumcision, will get a microwave free. I just got one!!"

A chemistry lecturer asks a girl " What are nitrates?" She replies "Night rates are $200 and the hotel bill!!"

A man goes to a bar and gets a beer. He sees a lot of people eyeing his drink. He goes to relieve himself and leaves a message on the drink...."I spit in that beer."..... hoping that no one would now touch his beer. After he came he found his glass half empty and another note written there ".... I spit in there too!!"

A man was about to die when the angels ask him to leave his worldly desires and die. The man challenges angels for a bet that if they can answer his question he will die but if not then he'll live for another century. The next day he comes and sits on a chair with 27 small holes. An hour after the angels come, he farts . He asks them from which hole did the gas passed out?? After a day long calculations the angels come up with an answer and say it come out from the 14 hole..... But the man wins........ it came out from asshole!!

Hi I am scientistsahai. I am a budding Bioinformatician with degree in Chemistry, Bioinformatics, E-Business and Biochemistry. I am a research scholar in a business intelligence & e-security firm in Gurgaon,India. Major interets in Chemistry, Biology, Bioinformatics, Proteomics , Genomics etc. Gud to c the long long post.......