ciderminx

George Bush is visiting the Queen of England. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?" "Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people." Bush frowns. "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?" The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligence riddle." The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. "Please send The Prime Minister in here, would you?" Tony Blair walks into the room. "Your Majesty..." The Queen smiles. "Answer me this, please, Tony. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?" Without pausing for a moment, Blair answers, "That would be me!" "Yes! Very good!" says the Queen. Back at the White House, Bush calls in his vice president, Dick Cheney. "Dick, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?" "I'm not sure," says the vice president. "Let me get back to you on that one." Dick Cheney goes to his advisers and asks every one, but none can give him an answer. Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognizes Colin Powell's shoes in the next stall. Dick shouts, "Colin! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Colin Powell yells back, "That's easy. It's me!" Dick Cheney smiles. "Thanks!" Cheney goes back to the Oval Office and asks to speak with Bush. "Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Colin Powell." Bush gets up, stomps over to Dick Cheney, and angrily yells into his face, "No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"

A BOY and his dad are at a chemist. They walk past the condom display and the boy asks, "Dad what are those for?" The dad replies, "Son they're for safe sex." The little boy then asks why one box has only 3 condoms. The dad answers, "Because that is for high school boys. One for Friday night, one for Saturday night, and one for Sunday night." The boy then inquires why another box has 6 condoms. The dad explains that it is for college boys. 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday night. The boy sees another box of condoms with 12 and asks his dad why. The dad says, "Son that is for married men. One for January, one for February...."

Two buddies, Spennie and Tony, are getting very drunk at Chalkies when suddenly Spennie throws up all over himself. "Oh, no. Now Debbie will kill me!". Tony says, "Don't worry, pal Just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket and tell Debbie that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty quid for the dry cleaning bill." So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker. Eventually, Spennie rolls into home and Debbie starts to give him a bad time. "You reek of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself! My God, you're disgusting!" Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, Spennie says, "Nowainaminit, I can e'splain everythin Itsh not wha jew think. I only had a cupla drrrinks. But thiss other guy got ssick on me . . . he had one too many and he juss couldin hold hizz beer. He said he was verrry sorry an gave me twennie quid for the cleaning bill!" Debbie looks in the breast pocket and says, "But this is forty quid!" "Oh, yeah...I almos' fergot, he shhhit in my pants, too.

hi guys and girls! im really a newbie on here, i like cider when im binging and good wine when im not! Got involved in science when i wasnt much good at anything else.