coquina

hope this one hasn't been posted before... BLAMESTORMING - Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. SEAGULL MANAGER - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves. ASSMOSIS - The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard. SALMON DAY - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die. CUBE FARM - An office filled with cubicles. PRAIRIE DOGGING - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see that's going on. (This also applies to applause from a promotion because there may be cake.) MOUSE POTATO - The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato. SITCOMs - Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business". STRESS PUPPY - A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny. XEROX SUBSIDY - Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again. ADMINISPHERE - The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" needless paperwork and processes. 404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. OHNOSECOND - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all') WOOFies - Well Off Older Folk. CROP DUSTING - Surreptitiously farting while passing through a CUBE FARM, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust; leads to PRAIRIE DOGGING. TESTICULATING - Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks.

You have the right attitude to become a valuable member.

Hi Synaptik - I like geology too. I became interested because of the Chesapeake Bay Impact crater, which is buried a few hundred feet beneath me. Check it out. http://geology.er.usgs.gov/eespteam/crater/

For those who are newcomers - please tell us a little about yourselves here.

There once was a gal from Hoboken, who claimed that her hymen was broken by riding a bike on a cobblestone pike, but it really was broken from pokin'

Your VD joke reminded me of one - There once was a man from Pool Who discovered red spots on his tool. Said the doctor, a cynic, "Get out of my clinic, And wipe off the lipstick, you fool." Anybody know anymore? I have a raft of 'em...

You may be a redneck if.....(2004 version) 1. Your standard of living improves when you go camping. 2. Your prenuptial agreement mentions chickens. 3. You have jacked up your home to look for a dog. 4. You have a relative living in your garage. 5. Your neighbor has ever asked to borrow a quart of beer. 6. There is a belch on your answering machine greeting. 7. You have rebuilt a carburetor while sitting on the commode. 8. None of the tires on your van are the same size. 9. You hold up the hood of your car with your head while you work on it, 10. Your idea of getting lucky is passing the emissions test. 11. Your town put the new garbage truck in the Christmas parade. 12. Your local beauty salon also fixes cars. 13. Your doghouse and your living room have the same shag carpet. 14. You've slow danced in the Waffle House. 15. Starting your car involves popping the hood. 16. Your garbage man is confused about what goes and what stays. 17. You whistle at women in church. 18. You actually wear shoes your dog brought home. 19. You've been in a fist fight at a yard sale. 20. You carry a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach the kids in the back. 21. You think people who have cell phones and e-mail are uppity.

You might be a redneck: If taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen. You think the last words to the star spangled banner are "gentlemen start your engines." You believe dual air bags refer to your first wife and mother-in-law. You've been married three times and still have the same in laws. You lit a match in the bathroom and blew your house right off its wheels. Your sister is the third generation of women in your family to conceive a baby as a result of an alien abduction. You think Subdivision is part of a math problem. You can get dog hair out of your belly button. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk. You take a load to the dump and bring back more then you take. You let your twelve year old daughter smoke at the table in front of her kids. You think that a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night. The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth then your wife. You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.........

A circus train derailed in a very backwoods area and some of the animals escaped. Ma looked out the window and screamed at Pa - "You gotta come here and look, there is an enormous gray beast in the garden." Pa, who was settled in and wanted to sit a spell, replied, "So - what's it doing?" Ma said, "It's pullin' up my cabbages with its tail." Pa asked, "Well, what's it doing with them?" Ma: "You wouldn't believe me if I told you!"

The wife came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With superhuman strengthy borne of fury, she dragged him down the stairs, out the back door and into the tool shed in the back yard. She put his penis in a vice, then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next, she picked up a hacksaw. The husband was terrified and screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not goin to cut if off, are you?" The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, put the saw in her husband's hand and said, "Nope, I'm going to set the shed on fire."

Do you Brits have Walmart? If you don't, you won't get this. BENTONVILLE, ARK (AP) -- Some Wal-Mart customers soon will be able to sample a new discount item: Wal-Mart's own brand of wine. The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with E&J Gallo Winery of Modesto, California, to produce the spirits at an affordable price, in the $2-5 range. While wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to throw a bottle of Wal-Mart brand wine into their shopping carts, there is a market for cheap wine, said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at Roger Williams University in Bristol, R.I. She said, "The right name is important." So, here we go: The top 12 suggested names for Wal-Mart Wine: 12. Chateau Traileur Parc 11. White Trashfindel 10. Big Red Gulp 9. Grape Expectations 8. Domaine Wal-Mart "Merde du Pays" 7. NASCARbernet 6. Chef Boyardeaux 5. Peanut Noir 4. Chateau des Moines 3. I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar! 2. World Championship Riesling And the number 1 name for Wal-Mart Wine .... 1. Nasti Spumante The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with white meat (Possum) and red meat (squirrel).

Here's a heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little girl and some construction workers. This will make you believe that you CAN make a difference when you give a child the gift of your time... A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew came in and began building a house on the empty lot. The family's 5-year-old daughter became interested in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers. Eventually, the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they took coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week, the men presented her with a pay envelope which contained $2.00. The little girl took this home to her mother, who said all the appropriate words of admiration, and suggested that they take the money she received to the bank to start a savings account. When they talked to the bank teller, she was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had earned her very own pay check at such a young age. The child proudly replied, "I worked last week with the crew building the house next door to us." "My goodness gracious" said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?" The little girl replied, "I will if those a$$holes at Home Depot ever deliver the fu<kin' sheet rock..."

An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting it up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful bloodcurdling screams. "Don't worry about that," says St. Peter, "it's only someone having the holes put into her shoulder blades for wings." The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation. Ten minutes later, there are more blood curdling screams "Oh my God," says the old lady, "now what is happening?" "Not to worry," says St. Peter, "She's just having her head drilled to fit the halo." "I can't do this," says the old lady, "I'm going to hell." "You can't go there,"says St. Peter. "You'll be raped and sodomized." "Maybe so," says the old lady, "but I've already got the holes for that !"

I love these jokes from Scotland. In the middle of foggy night in the North-west Atlantic.....two lights are heading directly for one another... and on the radio an American voice is heard saying "We suggest you alter course by 10 degrees to port". Back comes the reply "We suggest YOU alter course by 10 degrees to port!" Then the American voice says "This is the battleship USS Missouri leading the American Atlantic battle fleet. You had better alter course by 10 degrees to port." Back comes the reply "This is the Outer Hebrides lighthouse, but it's your call, Jimmy". A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Australian were in a bar and had just started on a new round of drinks when a fly landed in each glass of beer. The Englishman took his out on the blade of his Swiss Army knife. The Australian blew his away in a cloud of froth. The Scotsman lifted his one up carefully by the wings and held it above his glass. "Go on, spit it oot, ye wee devil" he growled. From whence they came: http://www.rampantscotland.com/humour/blhumourindex.htm

SOMETHING TO OFFEND DAMN-NEAR EVERYBODY 1. What's the Cuban national anthem? Row, Row, Row Your Boat" 2. Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar. 3. Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? They named him "Sum Ting Wong." 4. What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment. 5. What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast? They're hiring. 6. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek? Because they're not going to work in the future either. 7. What do you call an Arkansas farmer with a sheep under each arm? A pimp. 8. Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays? Because on Tuesday and Thursday! , the Sex Ed class uses it. 9. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the page, along with a recipe. 10. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*! 11. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..." 12. My, my, how time have changed.Years ago...When 100 white men chased 1 black man, we called it the Ku Klux Klan; today they call it the PGA TOUR. 13. Why is there no Disneyland in China? No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

Hello everyone - I live Southeast Virginia, USA - near Yorktown. I am not a scientist, but I'm interested in it. I became particularly interested in geology, when I learned that the Chesapeake Bay Impact Crater lies buried about 400' beneath my feet. I have been independently studying geology in particular and the impact crater specifically since about 1996. Are there any other geologists or geologist wannabe's who participate in this forum?