aj47

This one of those puzzles which some people get straight away but others spend ages over. It's called Mrs Tilly and you have to work out what Mrs Tilly likes and what she dislikes. Ok i'll start.... Mrs Tilly likes to giggle but not to laugh. Mrs Tilly likes to be seen but never heard. Mrs Tilly likes the Moon but not the Sun Mrs Tilly likes darkness but not the light Mrs Tilly likes the unnecessary and hates the ordinary. If you work it out add your own one.

A classic one my friend saw was 'bargain basement, upstairs!'

Sorry, I should also point out that 'safe' is a common greeting among chavs. i.e. 'safe mate, you wanna go rob up some special brew' to which you might reply 'innit'

Q. Why did the chav cross the road... A. Because it was safe Q.What do you call a chav in a box... A. Innit (you probably wont understand these if your from the US)

SCIENCE: BREAD IS DANGEROUS 1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users. 2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests. 3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations. 4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread. 5. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat, begged for bread after as little as two days. 6. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cream cheese. 7. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey, bread-pudding person. 8. Newborn babies can choke on bread. 9. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 450 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than two minutes. 10. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cursed her. Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru? The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a prostitute...." "Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family." "OK, dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million." "For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club....(takes a breath)....and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years' Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and...." Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad. Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff. "Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old man a hug.

thought this was quite interesting.... Murder is one of the only crimes that do not increase during the full moon. Theft, disorderly conduct, larceny, armed robbery, assault and battery, and rape all statistically increase dramatically during the full moon.

More than 6,000 people with pillow-related injuries check into U.S. emergency rooms every year A jiffy is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. Thus the saying, I will be there in a jiffy. People in nudist colonies play volleyball more than any other sport. Coconuts kill more people in the world than sharks do. Approximately 150 people are killed each year by coconuts.

If the whole population of China jumped simultaneously, it would cause a tidal wave that would destroy most of america.

Most of those were terrible but I liked this one lol Q: Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex? A: Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb...... Fish

What do you call a smart blond.... A Golden Retriever

lol good joke Ok heres mine.. A man was driving through the antartic and he broke down so he called a repair man. When the repair man came he looked at the guys car and said 'it looks like you've blown a seal' and the guy says 'no thats just frost on my lip'