JohnnyDigital

Hey! New member here, and I need some advice and/or encouragement. I've had a passion for a certain branch of science since I was three and half or so, and I've always wanted to pursue it as a career. In some ways, things have worked out well. I became an expert (not a real expert, but you get my meaning) in the field at a young age. By the time I was thirteen I was enjoying the primary literature and trying to write a book. However, school has not been my strong point for a couple of reasons. For one, I found it intolerably boring and irrelevent to my specific interests. Another thing, I suffered from adult-onset ADD (or I guess they call ADD ADHD-PI now) untreated until recently. Most significantly though, I suffered from major depression without treatment from age thirteen to twenty. The depression can primarily be attributed to heavy bullying, psychological abuse from my parents, parasitic dysfunctional relationships with "friends," and a genetic predisposition. I doubt your interested in a sob story, but the bottom line is that it got to the point where I could not function. I thought continuously of suicide. I could not drive due to anxiety, I could not hold a job, going out into public was nearly impossible, I was almost completely isolated from family and friends. I slit my wrist and cut up my back. I was so screwed up that I couldn't bring myself to ask for help, and sometimes so screwed up that I didn't realize that I was quite literally going out of my mind. I finally, did get help though, and I'm pretty much healthy again. But during the intervening years, my High School GPA was botched, and my college career is spiralling downward out of control. Before I "came down" with the depression and ADD I was a nearly 4.0 student. Now I'm starting my fourth year of my Bachelor's program severely behind in my credits and with a pretty dismal 2.3 GPA. Yeah, not really looking like a grad school magnet, am I? I don't really know what to do. I'm trying to boost my grades and get my life back on track. I'd love to get involved with some profs' research who are doing what I've always dreamed of, but I've been terrified to contact them until recently due to my social phobias. Now I'm terrified to get in contact with them due to my poor academic record and my lack of involvement in research so far. What can I do to save my chances of living out my dream?