Canada Dry

NOW THAT IT IS CLEAR THAT I AM A WHINEY BABY AND EVERDROOLING AND UNBELIEVABLE, I WILL NOW START TELLING THE STORIES OF MY GREAT EXPLOITS AND MY HISTORY AND MY GREAT DESTINY. TRY TO STAY AWAKE!!! NOW THEN, THERE WAS ACTUALLY A TIME WHEN I WAS NORMAL, JUST LIKE YOU. AT FIRST, I CAME TO A FORUM, AND I POSTED NORMALLY. BUT THEN SOON AFTER I NOTICED SOMETHING; MY ABILITY TO THROW TANTRUMS CAME NATURALLY TO ME. I WOULD SULK AND NOT EVEN NOTICE IT. NOW, WHY DID I SULK? BECAUSE, I JUST WET MY PAMPERS. BUT SOON, MOST PEOPLE ON THIS SITE GREW TIRED OF THE SMELL, AND STARTED TO OBJECT, AND EVER MORE SO WITH EACH ENCOUNTER. I DID NOT INTEND IT, FOR I COULD NOT CONTROL MY BOWELS BACK THEN. SOON, I WAS GIVEN THE LABEL OF A TROLL BY THESE HERETICS, AND AFTER 2 WEEKS ON THAT SITE, I WAS BANISHED FOREVER MORE. OR SO IT SEEMED!!!! AFTER I WAS BANNED, I SOON GREW AWARE OF MY INCREDIBLE IDIOCY, AND I CAME BACK TO THE SITE TO DELIVER ULTIMATE REVENGE. FOR A FULL DAY, I COMPLETELY FILLED MY PANTS. I FLOODED THE PLACE, AND SOON, I DECLARED MYSELF KING OF MY PANTS. I RULED OVER MY PANTS FOR 6 HOURS. IT WAS AT THIS TIME THAT I HAD EVOLVED INTO ANEMICPSYCHE. BUT SOON, THE ADMIN CAME AND I WAS BANISHED AND SEALED INTO THE BATHROOM, AND IT SEEMED AS IF THEY STOPPED ME FOR GOOD. I PEED IN A SIMILAR PAIR OF PANTS AT THIS TIME TOO, AND THEY WERE FAR MORE VULNERABLE (POLYESTER). I ALMOST SECURED MY ETERNAL RULE OVER THEM, BUT THEN I WAS BANISHED FROM THEM TOO. ALL THE BANISHMENTS TOOK A TOLL ON ME. THEY WEAKENED ME, AND SOON I COLLAPSED IN A DISGUSTING PUDDLE. I NOTICED THAT I WAS STILL ALIVE. NOT FRAGRANT, BUT STILL ALIVE. I WAS NEAR DEATH AND MY POWERS WERE DEPLETED. BUT THEN, I WAS DESTINED FOR FAR STUPIDER THINGS. IT WAS AROUND THIS TIME THAT I DISCOVERED TINKY-WINKY, AND WAS QUITE IMPRESSED AND SO, HE KEPT ME ALIVE. HE RECRUITED ME INTO THEIR GLORIOUS EMPIRE, KNOWN AS TTHE TELETUBBIES, AND UNDER THEM I WOULD SCOUT OUT POTENTIAL SITES TO DROOL ON. AS I LEFT AND STARTED ON MY NEW PATH, I SOON REALIZED SOMETHING; THEY HAD GRANTED ME IMMATURITY!!!!!!!!! IT WAS THEN I REALIZED THAT I HAD BECOME A DOOFUS!!! I WOULD CONTINUE TO TRAIN AND PERFECT MY METHODS. MY POWERS SOON GREW, AND I GREW POWERFUL ENOUGH TO BREAK THE LOCK ON THE POTTY DOOR AND ENACT MY ULTIMATE REVENGE!!!!! I SOON RETURNED TO THAT SITE AND DROOLED ON IT SO MUCH THAT THE ENTIRE COMMUNITY MOISTENED!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (COUGH COUGH)!!! THAT WAS MY GREATEST VICTORY. EVERYONE ON THAT SITE NOW HATES ME AND THAT'S THE WAY (UH-HUH, UH-HUH) I LIKE IT. NOW WHO ARE THESE TELETUBBIES? WELL, THEY ARE FAR MORE POWERFUL THAN I AM. AT PRESENT, THE MAXIMUM POWER THAT I CAN EXHIBIT IS 120 TIMES THE POWER OF A DOORKNOB. A TYPICAL ADMIN/MOD CAN EDIT MY CRAP AT WILL. A TYPICAL TELETUBBY, ON THE OTHER HAND, CAN EXHIBIT 1000-2500 TIMES THE POWER OF MUD!!!! AND GRUNTS, THE LOW END, CAN EXHIBIT 40 TIMES THE POWER OF ME. I AM A DWEEB, JUST POWERFUL ENOUGH TO FIND MY OWN FEET, BUT ONLY TO MAKE IT CLEAR FOR THE TELETUBBIES. DWEEBS CAN EXHIBIT BETWEEN 100-300 TIMES THE POWER OF OATMEAL. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!i FOOLS, YOU NEVER STOOD A CHANCE!!!!!!i EVEN IF YOU WERE TO SOMEHOW MIRACULOUSLY UNDERSTAND ME, THE TELETUBBIES WILL SEND MORE OF MY KIND! AND DO YOU HONESTLY BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN POSSIBLY DEFEAT THE MOST POWERFUL DORK IN THE BATHROOM!!!! PLEASE, YOU WON'T EVEN BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND THE NEXT SENTENCE. AFTER I ENACTED MY KIDDY PRANKS ON THAT COMMUNITY, I WAS THEN ASSIGNED HERE, TO PREPARE THIS SITE FOR BOREDOMN. SOON, I WILL UNLEASH THE TRUE POWER OF DROOL UPON YOU ALL!!!! I AM THE QUEEN OF CAPS!! I AM THE PUDDLE OF POO!! YOU WILL ALL BE TOTALLY LAUGHING AND THIS SITE WILL BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT ME!!!!!!!