Hullo, herme3 & co.
Been reading this thread for some time now, and I'm not entirely sure how to address it. It's...complicated, if I may say so. I guess that is just to say the least But anyways, it would make sense to address the most recent stuff, so I guess I'll just do that. *ahem* Graduation....hmm...an event that comes to the mind with several mixed feelings. It's an exciting, nerve-wracking, and heart-aching event all at the same time. After spending several happy years at my school, graduation was the big red flag that told me that the dreaded moving period was approaching very quickly. And it did. I'm currently still coming to grips with this fact, and even now I don't seem to realize that I won't be going back to high school again. My present that was build upon routines of waking up every morning, going to school and greeting people is now somewhere in the past, and it's time to move on. Again, a very difficult time of transition that is difficult to come to terms with. Okay, sorry. I'm just rambling on about what's going on in my life now when I should be addressing yours
Well, herme3, honestly...I don't think that a friendship should be this hard to figure out. I dunno, I think that perhaps you're making too much of a big deal out of it. Is it trying to hard? I'm not sure. What I mean is, you talk about this wonderful girl being your best friend, and how you want things to remain that way so badly. It's pretty obvious that you care about where this relationship turns by posting your issue on this forum. But I honestly dunno how much of a help we're being And besides, you're going about planning your next moves and stuff. How to act around her, what to do, etc. You're discussing this with other people who perhaps don't truly understand what type of friendship you two have, thus making it difficult for all of us to give you good advice. If you should discuss this with anyone, it should be someone who knows both of you. Rewinding things a bit, I find something odd about planning everything, technicalities and stuff when it comes to this girl. Eventually, u start to care too much about what she thinks of you and you only try to please her. You a call her your only friend, so what does this amount to? Is she your only friend just because you please her? Well, that's not too happy. If we all worried about what people thought about us, that we'd be too occupied to truly enjoy a friendship that we believe to be there. Don't try to please people; you end up trying to be like everyone one else, and in the end, you are no more unique than they are, which is boring. Also, you may become disappointed with yourself.
I grew up moving more often than I liked, encountering people of several different beliefs, ethnicities and backgrounds, and so it was difficult to establish strong friendships of trust, much less happiness. On top of that, I was way shy, and that always left me in the dust. My idea of friends was only having someone with whom I could eat lunch with, and after that, the days consisted of only following them around, pleasing them, and doing as they asked. Basically, I pleased people because I was afraid that they wouldn't like me otherwise. I think I developed a little insecurity after that, due to lack of confidence. I hated being alone, yet I've had to deal with it, as a result of my shyness and way too many language barriers to adjust to. All in all, my life was about schoolwork and what people profiled me as. After a while, i realized that this life was the pits, and so I tried to take things a little step further: i tried to get over my shyness my talking. It didn't matter to whom or what I said, and fortunately, it all went uphill from there. I guess that somewhere in the eleventh grade, I said "oh screw" to what people thought about me, and I found myself laughing more and feeling very happy. Personally, I don't care what people think about me anymore, and I've been told more than once how people think that I'm rather "weird", "abnormal", etc. But you know what? I happen to like my uniqueness and who I am, and I've many friends who feel the same way, who are also equally considered "abnormal" This year in particular, school has been very trying, and my fellow classmates and I found ourselves required to make some pretty difficult decisions where we were pretty divided among ourselves. It was a time during which we really had to establish who we are, and there was no time to go around pleasing people. It wasn't always fun, but it happened. Ugh, rambling about myself again, moving on...
Going back to pleasing this girl, I can just tell you to not try to fit in with her popular friends. Just be who you are. If she really likes you as a friend, then she can care less whether you are weird, or a loser, or whatever. You can say the most random thing or send a letter and she would just laugh it off easily. I think that's the most priceless thing about friendship: you don't have to be so careful about who you are, cuz you're free to be yourself. Of course, you have to mind the huge trust factor that is involved, but that's besides the point It's difficult to be alone, but I guess sometimes that is an obstacle that comes along when finding true friends (I can count all my good friends on one hand Maybe two, if I'm lucky).
Just as a last thought, in addressing to the event of girls freaking out when being asked out by a guy, I plead guilty I have to admit, at those particular moments, I felt like booking out. It's a strange feeling, but it happens. I think i could describe it as fear. Of what? I still am not sure. Rejection? Not likely, since I'm being the one asked, not the one asking. Expectations? I think that is the most likely. I don't like having people set expectations for me, and I don't want to have to fulfill them. So i mean, afterwards, u end up avoiding the guy concerned, and have the sign "GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE" on your forehead. But I guess I'm gettinf over those defense mechanisms. Otherwise, I'm not too interested in having a boyfriend. I think that there is something great about a casual friendship that would be lost if involved in a relationship. But again, I wouldn't know, having never been in one But yeah, there's one explanation as to why girls freak out at being asked out, though it's just according to me.
Another, I don't think that she forgets that u're a guy. She's just so comfortable talking to you that she just doesn't CARE.
All in all, don't spend your time trying to get her to like you even more; be yourself. Just try to preserve what you have, and maintain it. Long distance friendships are tough burdens to bear, but the ones that matter will last for quite some time. Well, if the effort is put into it, that is Be a good friend to her. That's the most that you can do, and perhaps the only thing that you really have to do. Send the occasional letter checking up on her; send a birthday card, anything to let her know that you haven't forgotten her and that you miss her. She will most likely get the message There can almost be nothing more risky, more challenging, or more memorable than a good friendship. Cherish what u have, and give urself a bit more credit. We'll see what happens, eh?
Best of luck,
P.S. Sorry, i know this probly won't make a lot of sense the first time I was just writing.'
P.P.S. Ugh, long post. Apologize for that, too. Hope you can get SOMETHING out of it, herme3