Dear members of the Nobel Committee,
I hereby nominate Tom Leykis for a Nobel Prize for the year 2005, for his superfluous work on human male courting rituals and his general promotion of human male independence. His contributions in both fields are equivalent, if not superior to, the mapping of the human genome, the mastering of the atom, and a peaceful solution to the violence in the war-ravaged mid-eastern communities, all rolled in to one.
With his unique combination of a highly evolved/superior intellect, and stunning insight/experience, the Professor reaches out to men and women (primarily men) and illustrates the essentials for one of the most primal, compulsitory, and instinctual rituals known to mankind; human male courting. He provides behavioral models for the male specimen as a public service.
Furthermore, his promotion of male independence, liberation, and dominance from/of women has inspired many social groups, cultures, civilizations, and men in general, to rid themselves of the burden of companionship, the shackles of marriage, and the captivity of young adults so that they may say, “I wear the pants, I make the money so stop talking and make me a sammich.”
The Professor’s methods for research and experimentation on these vast subjects are of the utmost ethical and stringent kind. He compiles his data by first-hand experimentation and has personally enacted most of his scenarios. Yet as with all scientific research, credibility is usually only attained through extensive peer review. Tom has repeatedly placed his narratives and hypotheses under the public eye to allow for close scrutiny.
So how would one go about quantifying his knowledge? What significance does it have on mankind and will our posterity benefit from it?
Well first and foremost, unlike the scientific research and experimentation that yields results that will not benefit the common man for at least a hundred years (such as the creation of artificial elements, the Mars rovers, and the landing of a probe on the moon, Titan), the furthering of our knowledge of the social sciences is something that will almost always yield immediate practical results.
To place this in context with other significant (and possible candidates for the Nobel) achievements/discoveries, we need only look at the potential range of influence his curriculum. His target demographic range encompasses approximately half of the world’s population.
What manner of man it must take to accumulate such wealth of knowledge. Such a multitude of masculinity can only be found in one man. Surely, there be none manlier then he. Surely there be none better a candidate than the man, the myth, Tom Lekis.
Thank you for your consideration.