correct my desription composition please....

[miya]

hi everybody,

actually I need your help because I have an examination in writing description coposition in english , and what I want of you is to correct me because it's your mother language

 

 

here is the composition

 

 

As long as I live , I will never forget the high-school experience , because I had suffered a lot of its pressure.

It is unbelieveable how this experience had affected my life , I had to wake up very early in the morning to revise any thing before going to school and when I return I had to study very hard in order to achieve my abition.

Now , after graduating from the high-school I had reaped the benefits of my hard work and I got great marks in all the subjects: english , mathematics , chemistry , biology , history....

In my opinion , the period that follows the high-school is more beautifull than the high-school period itself , but only if you work very hard in high-school.

 

 

 

 

and please answer me very fast because i want to know my level in english , and please be crucial with me , and focus everything.

[the tree]

In your first sentence you mix up tenses a lot, which is fair enough since the first clause should be in the future tense (you wrote it in the present tense) and the rest should be in the past tense (whereas you wrote it in the conditional tense)

As long as I will live, I will never forget the high-school experience, because I have suffered a lot of its pressure.

In the second sentence you've accidentally used the conditional tense again, but that was only a minor error. You then went on say 'any thing', which in this context is spelled 'anything' but it seems that you mean 'everything'. (I'm not sure how to explain the difference, ask your teacher). Then you misspelled 'ambitions' when 'goals' would have been a more appropriate word.

It is unbelieveable how this experience has affected my life, I had to wake up very early in the morning to revise everything before going to school and when I returned I had to study very hard in order to achieve my goals.

The next sentence is mostly correct apart from another superfluos 'had'.

Now, after graduating from the high-school I_reaped the benefits of my hard work, and I got great marks in all the subjects: english, mathematics, chemistry, biology, history....

In the last sentence you misspelled 'beautiful', and you might want to consider other words in it's place such as 'enjoyable'.

In my opinion, the period that follows the high-school is more beautiful than the high-school period itself, but only if you work very hard in high-school.

 

 

 

i want to know my level in english

Overall it seems very good for a recent high-school graduate. What is your first language?

[miya]

thank you very much for correcting my composition

 

Overall it seems very good for a recent high-school graduate.

 

actually i am not a high-school graduate , in fact i am a high-school student

 

What is your first language?

 

i have two first languages hebrew and arabic.

 

 

and thank again for your help..

 

but can i put another composition to correct it for me to see if i have improved my language.

[Dak]

As long as I live , I will never forget the high-school experience , because I had suffered a lot of its pressure.

 

Commas only take a space after them, not before.

 

This, is, correct

This , is , wrong

 

I got great marks in all the subjects: english , mathematics , chemistry , biology , history....

 

When talking about the subjects, you can write Chemistry or chemistry; History or history; etc.

 

However, 'English' is always a proper noun, so it always takes a capital

 

Also, if you trail off at the end it's 3 dots, not 4: ...

 

I got great marks in all the subjects: English, mathematics, chemistry, biology, history...

 

or

 

I got great marks in all the subjects: English, Mathematics, Chemistry, Biology, History...