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The Official JOKES SECTION :)

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Many folks are literally switching to overusing the word "actually" now. As in, "They actually look exactly the same", and "You can actually change that in the pulldown menu", and "That water actually had my retainer in it". Both words can literally mean the same thing while actually being slightly different. 

Actually, I prefer actually. There's an air of surprise involved, like I can't believe you just said that. "We were actually going to take pictures, but if you want to actually pet the hippo, there's actually not much we can do."

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Which actually goes to prove that you mustn't take anything literally.

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10 hours ago, Phi for All said:

Many folks are literally switching to overusing the word "actually" now. As in, "They actually look exactly the same", and "You can actually change that in the pulldown menu", and "That water actually had my retainer in it". Both words can literally mean the same thing while actually being slightly different. 

Actually, I prefer actually. There's an air of surprise involved, like I can't believe you just said that. "We were actually going to take pictures, but if you want to actually pet the hippo, there's actually not much we can do."

At least "actually" isn't actually wrong.

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Three lads are hiding as stowaways on a ship that has suffered apparent terminal damage upon a reef, and after considering their options they decide to jump ship and swim to the nearest island using safety equipment they just happened to stumble upon.

The beach that they landed on was beautiful and so was the island which looked just like the picture post-card tropical type.

Feeling euphoric, they quickly decided to explore their newly found paradise only to stumble upon a tribe of fierce-looking natives.

They quickly succumbed to the overwhelming armed numbers and were led back to the village where they were to be taken before the leader of the tribe.

The leader was a harsh fellow, but he was also a fair leader. He shouted to the three guys that his tribe did not allow any sort of incursion, but if they could find 5 nuts each they would be allowed to build their own boat to sail away.

They agreed to these terms and ventured into the undergrowth.

After a couple of hours, the first one returned to the assembled villagers

and chief where he was asked to show the nuts that he had found.

The chief congratulated him, but then explained that he would need to insert these nuts into his anus and hold them there for a count of 100. This was the second and final part of the task. If he succeeded he would gain his freedom.

It took a while to insert the first nut, he also found it an embarrassing exercise in front of the whole tribe, but gradually he carried on inserting, finding it easier as he went.

Upon completion he then stood with his arms raised in triumph and with the count in the high eighties when he suddenly burst into uncontrollable laughter. It was then that he farted and lost the peanuts.

Immediately he was carted away, tied to a post and had all sorts of combustibles placed around him. The chief reappeared carrying a burning torch and headed for the pyre.

Before ignition and being a curious chief he asked the chap, "Why when he was so close to completion did he burst into laughter and lose his peanuts"?

The reply was," The other two went looking for coconuts".

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Hey, just to let you know I had the Russian Covid-19 vaccination yesterday and can tell you there are absolutely no negative sideffski efectovski secundariosvki Кто может это прочитать, это уродливый парень .Привет друг Антонио !!

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Ooooow !

Wives, sisters, and girlfriends maybe.
But mothers and daughters are off-limits.

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On 6/21/2004 at 7:02 AM, swansont said:

Why is it that no word in the English language rhymes with month,

orange, silver, or purple?

Gifts of silver and gold will vir-

ginity tend to put an end to.

 

The tortithe and rabbit rathed theee timeth thith month.

The rabbit won twithe and the torithe onthe.

 

Started choking, turning purple,

A hardy slap and one good burp'll

put you to rights.

 

Quoted from memory. Credit: James Hogan. There was one with orange as well, but it was really reaching, and I don't remember it.

Edited by Halc

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Evolution of a Physics problem through the ages...

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD ?

Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest, chickens in motion tend to cross roads.
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends on your frame of reference.
Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
Wolfgang Pauli: There already was a chicken on this side of the road.

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Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?

He heard the referee was blowing fouls.

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6 hours ago, MigL said:

Wolfgang Pauli: There already was a chicken on this side of the road.

Erwin Schrödinger: My chicken is dead and alive; it sneaked across the busy road while I was looking the other way.

 

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Feynman: The chicken tried everything it could. It only looks like one chicken doing one thing because he fell down a stationary-phase path.

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OK.

Ken Wilson : When you subtract the infinite virtual chickens that went everywhere, you're left with the renormalized chicken across the road.

and

Why does a hamburger have less energy than a steak ?
Because it's in its ground state.

Edited by MigL

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Everett: Which chicken and which road are you talking about, guys?

6 minutes ago, MigL said:

Why does a hamburger have less energy than a steak ?
Because it's in its ground state.

Brilliant!

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14 minutes ago, Phi for All said:

Ed Witten: To get to the dimensions compactified on a Calabi-Yau manifold on the other side.

As usual, Ed Witten drew far-reaching conclusions, but missed the chicken completely. ;)

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Paul Dirac: The chicken operates the quantum lab from home. Non commuting operators do not need to cross the road.

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michel123456: I don't know, and since the chicken doesn't know either, it doesn't have to account for the signal delay.

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4 minutes ago, joigus said:

Swansont: Did the chicken cross the road? Any references?

Strange: Yes, and they're all impeckable.

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