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The Official JOKES SECTION :)


YT2095

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Possibly less dumb than whoever is taking the picture. There's no fence between the photographer and those teeth.

However, I suspect photoshop.

 

 

I can't prove it's not photo shop but gators do climb, their behaviors are more complex that we used to give them credit for. Some zoos have begun to train their gators to do things like roll over to be examined and a few other behaviors. I used to have a group of wild lizards in my yard that would take food from my hand and turtles as well...

Oh yeah, turtles can climb quite well too...

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Two scientists walk into a bar.

The first scientist says ‘I’ll have a glass of H2O”

The second scientist says ‘I’ll have a glass of water too. Wh… why did you say H2O? Like, I know it’s the chemical formula for water and all, but it’s the end of the day and there’s really no need to intentionally over-complicate things like that in a situation outside of work”

The first scientist stares at his drink, angry that his assassination plan has failed.

Edited by FX
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Way to harsh my buzz dude.


A guy's car breaks down way out in the country, and he goes to a nearby farmhouse for help. They phone the nearest garage for him, then insist that he join them for dinner while they wait for the mechanic to arrive. The meal's delicious, but their visitor can't help noticing a pig wandering the house like it was the family's pet dog. Even stranger, the pig has a wooden leg.

Sitting down with the farmer in front of the fire after dinner, the guy finally just has to ask: what's with the pig?

The farmer settles back and says: "Well, it's quite a story. A couple of years back, a smouldering log fell out of the grate here in the middle of the night, and it set the whole house on fire. My wife and I were asleep, so we didn't know anything about it, but that pig smelt smoke from way out in the yard, crashed through the window there and dragged our baby out through the flames by grabbing his romper suit in its teeth.

"Then it ran back through, the flames again, squealed at the foot of our bed till it woke us up, and led us both to safety through the burning house. My wife and I passed out from the smoke, but he stayed by our baby all night, fought off a bunch of wolves and revived us come morning by dragging a bucket of water back from the old well and spilling it on our faces. Saved all our lives."

The visitor is stunned. "That's amazing," he says. "And I suppose the pig lost its leg as a result of his injuries that night?"

"Nope," said the farmer, sucking his pipe. "Didn't get a scratch. But you don't eat a pig like that all at once ..."

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I can't prove it's not photo shop but gators do climb, their behaviors are more complex that we used to give them credit for. Some zoos have begun to train their gators to do things like roll over to be examined and a few other behaviors. I used to have a group of wild lizards in my yard that would take food from my hand and turtles as well...

Oh yeah, turtles can climb quite well too...

I can't prove it's photoshop but:

How much would a gator that size weigh?

How much force would it take to produce a visible distortion of the mesh of the fence?

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post-100725-0-40534000-1393194150.jpg

Come on EdEarl, this is ridiculous. No thinking adult believes babies are brought by storks.

On the other hand, if the Bible were to say we were brought here by storks, then a large percentage of the public would believe that beyond all logic. To believe otherwise would mean eternal damnation for doubting the Bible.

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- One Liners -

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
My mind is like a steel trap, rusty and illegal in 37 states.
Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
I've only been wrong once, and that's when I thought I was wrong.
God made mankind. Sin made him evil.
I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.
I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.
Don't steal. The government hates competition.
Humpty Dumpty was pushed.
National Atheist's Day April 1st.
All generalizations are false.
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you have got.
I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.
I can handle pain until it hurts.
No matter where you go, you're there.
If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane.
It's been Monday all week.
Gravity always gets me down.
This statement is false.
Eschew obfuscation.
They told me I was gullible...and I believed them.
It's bad luck to be superstitious.
According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
The word "gullible" isn't in the dictionary.
Honk if you like peace and quiet.
The Big Bang Theory: God Spoke and BANG! it happened.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
Gravity: It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW!
Life is too complicated in the morning.
We are all part of the ultimate statistic -- ten out of ten die.
Nobody's perfect. I'm a nobody.
Ask me about my vow of silence.
The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
The last thing on earth you want to do will be the last thing you do.
Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way.
If ignorance is bliss, then tourists are in a constant state of euphoria.
If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!
I intend to live forever. So far so good.
Who is "General Failure" and why is he reading my hard disk?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery.
I didn't use to finish sentences, but now I
I've had amnesia as long as I can remember.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Vacation begins when Dad says, "I know a short cut."
Evolution: True science fiction.
What's another word for "thesaurus"?
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
I went to the fights, and a hockey game broke out.

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For sale - Portable 1/hp hay powered wood splitter/fertilizer maker. Comes with spare power unit. Can be quickly converted to personal transportation or lunch, as some buyers find the motor drives quite tasty if properly maintained marinated - hence the spare power unit. Trades considered.

post-88603-0-10974400-1394068709_thumb.png

Edited by arc
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