My father is an idiot and I think he doesn't really care about me

[seriously disabled]

My father is an idiot and I think he doesn't really care about me.

 

He knows I am disabled and can't work and he just exploits this fact.

 

The problem is that I have nowhere else to go.

 

If my father throws me out of home I'll be homeless and living and sleeping on the streets or probably ending up in prison on the way.

 

I don't know what to do because my future honestly looks pretty bad.

 

 

[dimreepr]

How does he exploit this fact? And how does he hope to do this without you?

[Phi for All]

I don't know what to do because my future honestly looks pretty bad.

 

I should know better by now, but is there any chance something someone says could be useful to you, or are you going to remain imperviously negative? Because historically, when you post threads like this, you reject everything everyone says, and then it looks like you don't really want any help.

 

Can you let us know ahead of time, is this just a rant, or did you want anything productive to come of it?

[Genecks]

If you're disabled, then I would think you qualify for housing and disability income. I'm not too sure how other nations deal with it, but in the U.S.A., those options exist. I don't see what your problem is unless you're not a legal adult yet. And if you're not a legal adult, then the issue is the legality of your father's actions. There ought to be plenty of resources for you to engage in independent living.

 

Move on. Yes, your father is more than likely stupid (unable to learn or do anything about circumstances) due to how the universe works and the no free-will issue. Move on.

 

There are a lot of resources for disabled individuals. Sure, they may not be able to partake of higher-level actions often found in higher institutions, but they can sure find a baseline for themselves and maintain a steady life.

Edited March 7, 2016 by Genecks

[Sirona]

If you're disabled, then I would think you qualify for housing and disability income. I'm not too sure how other nations deal with it, but in the U.S.A., those options exist. I don't see what your problem is unless you're not a legal adult yet. And if you're not a legal adult, then the issue is the legality of your father's actions. There ought to be plenty of resources for you to engage in independent living.

 

Move on. Yes, your father is more than likely stupid (unable to learn or do anything about circumstances) due to how the universe works and the no free-will issue. Move on.

 

There are a lot of resources for disabled individuals. Sure, they may not be able to partake of higher-level actions often found in higher institutions, but they can sure find a baseline for themselves and maintain a steady life.

What is considered 'disabled' in the US? In Australia we currently have over 800, 000 people on a disability pension (our population is around 23.4 million). There were 127,000 claims made in 2013 and only around 72, 000 were rejected. The number of Australians on disability pension grew by 43% between 1997-2007. I find it hard to believe that many people are unable to work.

 

With no disrespect to the OP, I just have no idea what disabled means anymore. So perhaps we should identify that first.

[Strange]

I am currently living with my parents so my father pays for everything so I have no need to worry. In the very far future when my parents will no longer be alive, I might though.

http://www.scienceforums.net/topic/91034-extreme-pain-after-injury/page-2#entry900582

[ajb]

He knows I am disabled and can't work and he just exploits this fact.

 

 

With no disrespect to the OP, I just have no idea what disabled means anymore. So perhaps we should identify that first.

 

Indeed, to a large extent this depends on how disabled. People can often do some sort of work, even is it is just a few hours a day. Others cannot, especially if the problems 'come and go'; they cannot plan the next day even.

 

Anyway, with respect to the opening post, seek local advice on benefits and charities that can help. You need to speak to someone who can really see your situation and offer advice to you, rather than just general words of wisdom.

[Phi for All]

I find the dynamic of the father/son relationship to be one where both sides often misunderstand the motives of each other. The father yells because he's a mean idiot, says the son. The son rejects all advice and so yelling is what's left, says the father.

 

In my experience, fathers get frustrated a lot when their son ignores advice. They probably did so themselves, but that's not the way they remember it. Their own fathers had sage advice that was followed with respect (maybe, but it's often remembered that way only when the son is much older), so it's an issue of respect and intelligence when a son rejects what is offered.

 

And of course, getting only one side of the story never helps. Idiot father uncaringly throwing disabled son out on the streets to be homeless in a first world country like Israel. Let's get the pitchforks.

 

As a father, I know a few of your other threads on this subject made me feel like you weren't really interested in problem-solving. You thanked me for all the links I sent to some of the many social programs for disabled people in your area, but I never heard that you followed up on any of them. This suggests you just wanted sympathetic ears to agree with you that your father is responsible for all the awfulness in this situation. It's rare to find situations like this; in most cases, I find the blame can be shared. And if you aren't honest with the blame, I find many people focus on blame and never move past it to find a solution to their problems.

 

So perhaps you need to start with the questions in post #2 and go from there. Try to be objective in your descriptions of being exploited. And I'd also like to know about whether the disability and its accompanying pain prevent you from doing any job.

 

And how about this? Instead of only focusing on the negative, can you tell us how you would like to see your life? The disability isn't something we can just wish away, so please let us know how you'd like to live your life WITH the disability. Do you see yourself being independent of your family? Are you in a flat on your own, working at some job (either from home or nearby)? Or do you live with others, possibly in a facility that's set up for disabilities and coping with them?

[EdEarl]

There are many kinds of disability. My wife is a special-ed teacher for grades k-5, and she sees all kinds. Some learn very slow, almost not at all. Some are emotionally challenged (e.g., hyper or depressed), input or output challenged (e.g., dyslexia and dysgraphia), physically challenged (e.g., blind, deaf and mute), etc. Then there are the old and infirm. Most people are disabled at some point in their lives, considering doctors keep so many alive until they are 70 or 80 something. My father-in-law lived to be 100, but was disabled in a nursing home for about five years, and previously lived alone; though, for 20 years he needed help every day to clean his apartment and cook. There are large numbers of disabled people. There are some who cheat the system, but the bad press during political campaigns is often unwarranted. The biggest welfare crooks in my country are corporations, the rich and politicians...sorry the aren't crooks because its legal.

Edited March 7, 2016 by EdEarl

[Phi for All]

Most people are disabled at some point in their lives, considering doctors keep so many alive until they are 70 or 80 something.

 

Great point, EdEarl. There should be more opportunities than ever for disabled persons around the world, since there are more disabled people.

 

And I have to believe that Israel, with the mandatory military participation, and all the bombs and other havoc they have to deal with, have systems in place for those who are disabled for whatever reason. Israel is no stranger to pain and suffering, so it's really hard to believe that the OP is going to be homeless when the Rabin Medical Center is nearby. All citizens have to be a member of one of four not-for-profit, state-mandated public health services, so the OP should be covered there.

 

I don't know how Israelis view healthcare, welfare, or disabilities in general. In the US, there are lots of people who think taking state aid is a weakness, or tarnishes their pride, or makes them dependent. There are also lots of people who don't trust modern medicine. There are lots of people who trust it just fine, but are reluctant to go looking for problems, especially medical problems (if I wait long enough, it may go away on it's own). And there are lots of people who don't know how to deal with dignity when it comes to disabilities. They're compassionate, but don't feel comfortable doing anything that would put them in an embarrassing situation (I saw a woman try to strike up a conversation with a retarded boy at the fountain in a mall once, and when she couldn't understand anything the child was saying, she sort of looked sick and trailed off, leaving embarrassed at her failure).

 

I think a lot of folks ignore disabled people because they're afraid of seeming insensitive by making mistakes about circumstances they don't fully understand, which is ironic since ignoring someone who has a disability is pretty insensitive. But then again, don't we ignore MOST people we encounter on a trip to the mall? Unless they somehow get involved with whatever you're doing, there's little reason to engage, disabled or not. I know people who give a nod to anyone they see in a wheelchair, but they don't do that to anyone else. I understand that they're over-compensating for the fact that many chair-bound folks encounter people studiously avoiding eye-contact, but it seems more honest to me to just deal with every person individually as they enter your sphere of engagement, regardless of anything extraneous.

[dimreepr]

My father is an idiot and I think he doesn't really care about me.

 

He knows I am disabled and can't work and he just exploits this fact.

 

The problem is that I have nowhere else to go.

 

If my father throws me out of home I'll be homeless and living and sleeping on the streets or probably ending up in prison on the way.

 

I don't know what to do because my future honestly looks pretty bad.

 

 

 

 

Everyone at some point in their life fears the future or feels sorry for themselves (why me, blah blah when the question should be why not me) but that doesn’t justify this mini-rant about a father that has so far, and continues to support you; may I suggest you grow up and be a little more grateful for what you have, rather than what you may lose; you can’t live your life in the future nor the past, enjoy now while you still can.

[iNow]

My father is an idiot and I think he doesn't really care about me.

 

He knows I am disabled and can't work and he just exploits this fact.

 

The problem is that I have nowhere else to go.

I'm sorry to hear of your situation. It sounds like you are stressed and have a difficult relationship with your dad. That's never easy, especially if you're dealing with a disability which is itself rather stressful. I wish you well and hope things get better.

[MigL]

None of us know your father or his disposition, but many of us know you through your posting history.

You can be rather difficult to deal with.

 

So maybe a part of the blame for the deteriorating situation with your father is yours, and you can change that.

Many fathers realize that there are two ways to learn life's lessons; make mistakes and suffer the consequences, or take advice from a father who may have already made those same mistakes and already suffered consequences. Advice is one of the best things in the world, its free and its optional.

How do you take advice ?

 

My own father passed away about 8 yrs ago, and I can't remember one day that I didn't have an argument with him about something or other.

I would give anything to have another argument with him today.

[Sirona]

I find the dynamic of the father/son relationship to be one where both sides often misunderstand the motives of each other. The father yells because he's a mean idiot, says the son. The son rejects all advice and so yelling is what's left, says the father.

 

In my experience, fathers get frustrated a lot when their son ignores advice. They probably did so themselves, but that's not the way they remember it. Their own fathers had sage advice that was followed with respect (maybe, but it's often remembered that way only when the son is much older), so it's an issue of respect and intelligence when a son rejects what is offered.

Precisely. The same goes for father/daughter relationships too. When you're young, you feel like the world revolves around you because you've got no other responsibilities, little experience and exposure to the real world and even little issues escalate to big catastrophes that result in you feeling singled out/bullied. Find solace in the fact that you're not the only one even though at the moment it probably does. On a more positive light, it does get better and differences between you and your parents close but you have different problems. I can't comment on what it would be like to be a parent, but it must be difficult being the villain all the time. Dealing with disability is not a solitary act either, I'm sure your family is just as affected as you are and although anger and resentfulness may seem like natural emotions in this case, try to understand the challenge from your fathers position. It's not about who is right or wrong, the villain or the victim but about understanding how and why people act the way that they do and reconciling differences to be able to cooperate.

[Genecks]

What is considered 'disabled' in the US? In Australia we currently have over 800, 000 people on a disability pension (our population is around 23.4 million). There were 127,000 claims made in 2013 and only around 72, 000 were rejected. The number of Australians on disability pension grew by 43% between 1997-2007. I find it hard to believe that many people are unable to work.

 

With no disrespect to the OP, I just have no idea what disabled means anymore. So perhaps we should identify that first.

 

I reason that would be the current case law definition of disabled: You could go to a U.S. Supreme Court ruling for a more definitive answer. But that could be scrapped and the reasonableness argued about until a mediated resolve occurs. Personally, I think "seriously disabled"s father wants him/her to go make his/her own money: That's the issue.

Edited March 7, 2016 by Genecks

[Sirona]

I reason that would be the current case law definition of disabled: You could go to a U.S. Supreme Court ruling for a more definitive answer. But that could be scrapped and the reasonableness argued about until a mediated resolve occurs. Personally, I think "seriously disabled"s father wants him/her to go make his/her own money: That's the issue.

I tend to agree, I've worked with disabled people in the past and haven't found that their disability affected their ability to do the job they were employed to do. Obviously there are different types of disabilities and some may prohibit you from doing certain jobs, however, usually there is some kind of work you can do. Although over 800, 000 people in Australia claim disability pension, I believe very few of them actually can't work and use their disability as an excuse rather than a reason.

 

We also have the Disability Discrimination Act which protects disabled people from employment and workplace discrimination and many companies employ less able people (they represent approximately 10% of our workplace) because they're still able to make a valuable contribution. In a lot of cases, I think it's more about attitude than ability/disability.

[Phi for All]

Personally, I think "seriously disabled"s father wants him/her to go make his/her own money: That's the issue.

 

If this is true, then the "real" issue is SD's father thinks he can work, and SD claims (in the OP) that he can't.

 

I don't understand how the father could believe his son can work (OP claims he knows he can't), AND somehow "he just exploits this fact". Other than receiving welfare, which isn't exploitation at all in this case, how can you exploit that your son can't work? I'm sorry SD didn't take the chance earlier to respond, but I suspect he meant that father tells him often that he needs to look for work he can do.

 

But I agree that any father wants his children to be self-sufficient, or if not, at least cared for in his absence. Even if his son thinks he's an idiot, argues with him constantly, and refuses to look for anything positive in his life.

[Genecks]

I mean, I think the father wants son to have an independent income (not necessarily "work"). But I think son doesn't like the chance of getting kicked out of a nice place and settling for some disability home with other disabled individuals. But with medical privacy laws being the way they are, and SSDI income in the U.S.A. being on debit cards, it should be easy to hide whether ... lol... or not you're getting SSDI. Considering Locard's exchange principle, a change in monetary requests could signify a change in income, thus generating circumstantial evidence leading to being kicked out.

Edited March 7, 2016 by Genecks

[CharonY]

I tend to agree, I've worked with disabled people in the past and haven't found that their disability affected their ability to do the job they were employed to do. Obviously there are different types of disabilities and some may prohibit you from doing certain jobs, however, usually there is some kind of work you can do. Although over 800, 000 people in Australia claim disability pension, I believe very few of them actually can't work and use their disability as an excuse rather than a reason.

 

We also have the Disability Discrimination Act which protects disabled people from employment and workplace discrimination and many companies employ less able people (they represent approximately 10% of our workplace) because they're still able to make a valuable contribution. In a lot of cases, I think it's more about attitude than ability/disability.

 

I think in Australia disability support is given if the person is unable to work more than 15h/week, so it is not only given for complete disability. However depending on the details of the Disability Act it may make them less attractive as employees as it may be harder to fire them.

 

Looking at data it does seem that disability recipients have increased, the biggest increase in the 90s. The largest group (and that is similar to most other countries) is psychological (~30% of all recipients in 2013), followed by Musculo-Seletal&Connective tissue (such as back-related issues) with about 27%.

 

Looking the raw numbers it does seem that Australia has an extremely high number on some sort of disability support. However, one has to take into account a) the size of the work force and b) the age demographics, as the disability rate increases substantially with age.

So, looking at the percentage of the workforce on disability support we see that in 2013 it is at~4.4%, going back a decade it was 4.3% in 2003. To see a substantial difference one would have to go another decade back with 1993 having a rate of ~3%. So here the growth does not seem to as large as when we look at the recipient number alone. I would also assume that between the 90s and 2000 there may have some changes in disability eligibility rules. Nonetheless the numbers do not seem to be absurd if one takes aging into account, but I would have to dig more statistics up for that (data are from the Australian Government Department of Social Services).

[Sirona]

Exactly right, Charon. The biggest problem is people claiming for psychological disability (especially depression) because it's difficult to validate. That's certainly true about our ageing population and the Department of Human Services aren't cracking down on the elderly claiming disability but people under the age of 35. As of last year, they are aiming to review 28, 000 disability cases of under 35 year olds and reassess their eligibility (another problem in the past is that cases were not reviewed/audited so in many cases people's situations had changed and the Department of Human Services just didn't know about it). Since last year they have reassessed over 7000 cases and found that 10% of them were no longer medically eligible.