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My Christmas experience


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Well, it was Christmas celebration at our church all week and I got hooked into singing again. I tried to say no but there I was standing at the right side of the altar with a mike pinned to my blouse. With the church full of people, organ music playing, and my dad in the front row, I sang "Oh holy night", and a few other songs for five nights in a row.. and each time I sang that particular song, I couldn't stop my eyes from welling up and sending a tear down the side of my face right in front of everyone no matter how hard I tried not to. I really got into it because I liked that song, and dad likes to hear me sing.

 

I'm a very emotional girl and my eyes always give me away, so don't read too much into that tearing thing cause I cry at the movies and whenever I see a dead animal too, however, I did notice other people tearing too and I wondered what was making them so sad. Although I'm sure its the organ music and atmosphere that does it, I actually felt more different this week than I have ever felt before..like I had an undiscovered purpose or something.

 

After the last service, our priest told me that a group of elderly people wanted to meet me and that they came every night just to see me, and so when we met they talked about what my voice sounded like to them and then told me that I looked like some kind of angel standing on the altar. Geez, I blushed because I wasn't expecting the angel thing again, and that was about the last thing I wanted to hear from anyone especially in front of daddy. Is it that easy to refocus on your religion because of some music or some song?

 

As we talked, I just couldn't shake the feeling that these people were looking for something from me like I was giving them some false hope to make them feel better. I'm glad if it did, but unfortunately, singing those songs made me feel worse, like I was absorbing bad stuff like an empath or something. I just wished I was outside because Christmas inside a church is not a happy time for some people and those that are happy are really lucky. Christmas has never been a happy time for me for other reasons.

 

Then, on the drive home, my dad was getting all lovey, and huggy and mushy with me. It took both hands to fight him off. Once home, I got into a game of Descent to get rid of that angel vibe and after killing a few players, I started feeling a lot better. Later still, as I fell into my bed, I thought again about what those old people said to me and I began thinking about me and Jesus again but in the end, the church experience didn't change anything and my beliefs are still the same. I know I believe in Jesus, and what he was trying to do, but I just wish he was really talking to someone when he was dying on that cross, and that's when I started thinking further.

 

I thought maybe thats why a lot of people go to church anyway, even if they don't believe in the God of the bible because it's a place where they can wish and hope together and maybe thats what those old people were doing ...praying for someone they miss, there husbands or wives perhaps....only I don't believe those people were praying as much as I think they were wishing and hoping. Maybe again, it brings them comfort to do that in the company of others who have the same feelings or just being in a quiet place. Who knows, maybe if collectively we all wish as a whole, something may come of it. I hope so for them, and though religious people may pray, there is nothing wrong with non-believers wishing and hoping.

 

As for me, I can only hope and wish and thats it. That's all I am able to do. I don't know what those old people saw in me and I didn't want to know, but if they looked at me as if I could say something that would ease their sadness, I can't, I'm just a normal 16yr old and not an angel of any kind, I have sad times too, and I'm mortal like they are....just like Jesus was.

 

With all that said, I'm really glad now that I helped them feel better, and maybe I'll do it again for them soon in there senior home, but right now, to the nice people on this bb, I hope your dreams, wishes, and hopes come true this coming new year, and if you pray, wish or hope for yourselves, think of our soldiers too. I don't know why those muslims hate us so much, but my dad said one thing I will never forget. He reminded me that our soldiers are fighting over there, so that I can stand on that altar and sing that kind of song over here.

 

Merry Christmas and happy new year to you all

 

Bettina

 

 

 

The song I sang.....I love this song.

----

Oh holy night!

The stars are brightly shining

It is the night of the dear Savior`s birth!

Long lay the world in sin and error pining

Till he appear`d and the soul felt its worth.

A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices

For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!

 

Fall on your knees

Oh hear the angel voices

Oh night divine

Oh night when Christ was born

Oh night divine

Oh night divine

 

Led by the light of Faith serenely beaming

With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand

So led by light of a star sweetly gleaming

Here come the wise men from Orient land

The King of Kings lay thus in lowly manger

In all our trials born to be our friend.

 

Truly He taught us to love one another

His law is love and His gospel is peace

Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother

And in His name all oppression shall cease

Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,

Let all within us praise His holy name.

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well it sounds like you`re perfectly Human to me, as for your dad....

 

"Then, on the drive home, my dad was getting all lovey, and huggy and mushy with me. It took both hands to fight him off. "

 

that doesn`t sound good at all, either badly worded or NOT GOOD?

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I believe that those older people saw in you what they once were. I believe that they also saw in you the innocence of youth, and they probably reflected upon better times, thinking of relatives lost, and pain felt.

 

But they also saw that through it all, beauty would prevail. I bet that your singing represented that to them, and that was the reason they returned night after night.

 

And I also think that they probably didn't expect anything out of you, but instead just enjoyed watching you up there.

 

That's my opinion, any way.

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as you get older (im guessing) you can look back at the youth and see young energy and life... what those older people once were.

 

its like living the past (almost, in a strange sense)

 

i'd take it as a good thing.

 

yeah... YT... i think it was badly worded and not the 2nd one ;), or at least i hope it was!

 

and also if you are emotional why shouldnt they be too?

 

i dont think they really wanted anything from you (in an angelic sense) i just think that they saw young life and talent in you and were pleased and it was a nice musical event for them and

"but if they looked at me as if I could say something that would ease their sadness,"

well maybe your singing did.

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I think you are the rebirth of Paul, he is the person who had enormous influence on Christianity's development. Paul was a Jew who had never met Jesus and at first was an enemy of Christianity. While traveling to Damascus in Syria, he reportedly had a vision of Christ. He spent the rest of his life spreading and interpreting Christ's teachings. Who knows.

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Whoa...

Dad's ok. No pervert here. It's a long story but basically my mom left us when I was 10 so he became mom and dad. It's just him and me, no uncles, cousins etc. He always shows a lot of love, I just wish he wouldn't do it in front of people and never in front of my friends. :eek:

 

Thanks for the nice replys. They mean a lot.

Bettina

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The moral of the story: Play Descent or other shooting games - they make you feel gooood. ;)

 

"[edit] or dave?!?"

 

Yeah, I certainly hope dave is not the cookie monster. Although, I wonder how much money you get for starring in Sesame Street.

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is that u in the avatar? if it is, then let me compliment on you beautiful face and hair.

 

Yes it's me as of early summer and thanks.

 

who are you talking to bloodhound.... bettina or slickinfinit ?

 

Hahahahaha

 

Bettina :D

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Hi Bettina,

 

Youth, beauty, and a lovely voice will get you plenty of enjoyable attention. You also write very, very well. I suspect you rarely misword things.

 

When people see an angelic looking face in a spiritual context they are likely to feel uplifted. There is nothing wrong with making people feel that way as long as you remember that you are your own person with a right to your own thoughts and individuality. People look for angels and heros and beauty because their own lives can be rather ordinary. Enjoy your youth. That is what it is meant for. But remember that you may have to also set your own boundaries in order to be seen and respected as yourself.

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Thanks for the kind replies. Those really meant a lot to me.

Between the long talk with dad and your replies, I now have a better understanding of what those old people were thinking. Seeing them at the mall is much different than when I see them at church so I'm going to say hello more often to them and maybe go sing at there senior home too. Not too often though, cause I have a mall life of my own ;)

 

Bettina

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Bettina -

 

I bet a lot of those "old people" are "involuntarily unspoused" - as I am. Music brings back memories - every time I hear Jimmy Buffet I remember the week my husband and I spent "cruisin' the islands, fishin' the pilin's and drinking green label each day."

 

We had taken care of aging parents our whole lives and we said that the day we could retire, we were going to sell everything and travel, and that nobody would see anything of us but a dustrail or a wake, depending on whether we were in the motor home or on the boat. He never got the chance to do that.

 

I sing in the church choir too - and our contata contained "Oh Holy Night" - I looked down into the congregation into a group of people who mostly grew up "working the water" - fishing, crabbing, and oystering. Hard, hard work that gave them wrinkles before their time. I saw plenty of tears running down those wrinkles when that song was sung, and those guys are as tough as they come.

 

Christmas is a very difficult time of year for people who have lost their loved ones - New Year's Eve is even worse. The last place I want to be that night is in a room where everyone has someone to kiss at midnight, except me.

 

Luckily, I have a dear friend who is a widower, and we will be spending it together - having dinner, and watching a movie, and sharing memories between us of happier times.

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i think that this thread is again showing the unfortunate fact that everybody in this world has something bad in their life and something which didnt go to plan... however these things happen and obviously they upset us or make us feel different-from-the-norm, however it is how well people recover from these 'incidents' which are part of our charachter which in turn lead our life.

 

so coquina or sandi is celebrating with someone else in the same situation as herself, bettina came here to understand why others treated her as they did (and has solved the problem) so we again see the good side of the part of life... people getting over problems, learning from bad experiences and progressing through their life gaining something and learning and developing themselves.

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I've always known that, but over Christmas, I had a new appreciation for dad.

Sometimes I call him at his office, and no matter what, he will stop what he's doing and talk to me. Thats what I like. Yep....I'm lucky. :)

 

Bettina

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Hello....

Well, I'm keeping my promise, so dad and I are heading to the senior home this coming Saturday to visit briefly and get a list of songs they want to hear me sing there when I do. Dad is a member there, but rarely attends.

 

I still sing with the quoir at church Sundays but thank god not solo. I only do that during special occasions.

So, I'm going to use some of the advice you guys gave me, looking at some old songs they might like, and there will be a senior there that will play an electronic organ for me.

 

Geez....just so this doesn't ruin me I'm dragging three of my friends with me.

I'll keep you posted and thanks for the help.

Bettina

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