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When someone is suicidal they want their life to end, are not sane, and are usually baker acted which I think should happen for their own good. What if someone is suicidal but doesn't want to kill themselves?

 

That is how I feel although subconsciously I'm sure the will to live has a lot to do with why I am still here. Anyways when I think of death; to me it is not the end. Although I am agnostic and believe the person I am will cease to exist one day, in a way this is heaven to me.

 

To be immortal in my eyes, is a curse.

 

Let me give you some information as to why I view eternal life as hell.

 

I constantly worry about the world and others well being more than I do my own. So much in fact, that when thinking about children in Africa; I can't help but cry. Not just tears but that kind of crying where the back of your throat hurts. I remember my childhood and how lonely I felt watching my parents hurt each other and use drugs. I did not have it easy at all but in comparison to children in say Somalia, My childhood was a walk in the park. Their pain is much worse than mine was, and knowing that human beings even children are going through worse than what I dealt with at such a young age is unbearable to me.

 

I constantly worry and fret about humanity today and its future. Killing my braincells has eased my thinking and allowed me to relax some, although when I start college I will sober up as I need to retain as much information as possible.

 

I want to be a benefit to society, even if I do something insignificant and my name is never known. If I can prevent one person from living a horrible poverty stricken life, Its what I want to do more than anything. Make sure nobody ever has to go through what I did.

 

 

 

One day being able to help people and not walking out on my family are the main reasons I think I'm still here. I have never tried to kill myself, but I look at death as eternal peace. When I wake up in the morning it just feels like I'm being stripped away from any peace I can get, and thrown into this rough cruel world.

 

I will live my life to the fullest, but when death comes. I will embrace it with open arms.

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When someone is suicidal they want their life to end, are not sane, and are usually baker acted which I think should happen for their own good. What if someone is suicidal but doesn't want to kill themselves?

I disagree. I think that there are some sane people who want to kill themselves. I tried to kill myself in Jan of this year. I suffer from spinal cord disease. It's casused 4 herniated disks so far. It was going untreated. I wasn't allowed any pain medication. The pain was far too much for me to bear. I kept seeking and asking for help but met with refusal. Doctors just don't care if their patients are in pain. That's why I hate doctors. I've been fighting this pain for seven years at that point. Finally one day I just couldn't take it anymore. So I took out a razor and cut my throat open. Death was mercy for me. The only thing I could think of after being refused help for so long. I got scared and called my doctor and he called 911 so I did live, of course. It was only then was I taken seriously and they put me on suboxone (a narcotic)

 

But come the day that I'm back with that pain again I'd surely find a tall building and jump off.

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I want to be a benefit to society

 

That reminds me of Douglas Engelbart. I really like that guy's flavor of reasoning upon social contribution, although that's just my personal preference.

 

For several months I had been devoting most of my spare time to searching for professional goals; for some reason I wanted to invest the rest of my heretofore aimless career toward making the most difference in improving the lot of the human race.

 

I had initially dashed off in many fanciful directions, but yet managed enough interludes of reasonably sober thinking to build up some useful, strategic generalizations:

 

Re-treading myself professionally, to become proficient and then extraordinarily productive in some new field wasn't worth considering without a significantly attractive scenario, embedded in a reasonably structured strategic framework.

 

The high-payoff scenarios all seemed to involve creating or joining something that, however disguised, would essentially be a crusade.

 

Crusades have many strikes against them at the outset. E.g.: they don't connect to a normal source of government or business revenue; they don't have nice organizational frameworks -- you can't go out on the streets and expect to find financial, production, or marketing vice presidents; even if you accomplished the sweeping change that was the ultimate objective, chances are that in this very complex world, the side effects might be bad enough to make you wish you hadn't; etc.

 

Suddenly, up through all of this delightful, youthful abstraction bobbed the following clear realization:

 

The complexity of the human situation was steadily increasing. Not only that, but its rate of increase was increasing.

 

Along with the increasing complexity had come a general increase in the urgency associated with the more critical problems.

 

If one invented a measure for each of these -- complexity and urgency -- then for a given problem, the product of its complexity measure times its urgency measure would represent a fair measure of the difficulty mankind would find in dealing with that problem.

 

Source: http://www.dougengelbart.org/pubs/augment-101931.html

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Have you tried physical therapy?

Yes. I've tried several rounds of physical therapy, a TEMS unit, two surgeries and pain killers. Pain killers was the last resort and they are helping.

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Well I'm glad you found an alternative to killing yourself but if theirs anything else I have to say is I hope you always have good reason to survive.

 

If not for yourself then maybe your friends, family, or even those who may not know you ever affected their lives.

 

If you don't have a good reason to stay alive the next time you have a bad back spasm, it very well may be your last.

 

Only looking out for your well-being, not trying to preach.

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  • 4 months later...

The great thing about no longer being afraid of death is that it frees you from fear. You can do and say what others dare not.

 

To be indifferent to life and death is not the same is being suicidal. In it's own way, it can be very life affirming.

This is how I feel most of the time and I think it actually makes me happier than most people. I have almost no stress in my life because I no longer fear the worst possible scenario (death).

 

With your compassion combined with your lack of fear, you might be happy traveling to war zone to help as many people as you can.

Edited by β-ΔK
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I have almost no stress in my life because I no longer fear the worst possible scenario (death).

 

 

Death, in and of itself isn't a worst possible scenario. My suffering and the suffering of others is far worse.

My biggest issue with my death at this point is the financial and emotional toil it would take on those who love me.

Becoming very sick and being a burden would be worse for me, since I would still be around to think about it.

 

That being said, it is good to try and put things in perspective and not stress too much.

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When someone is suicidal they want their life to end, are not sane, and are usually baker acted which I think should happen for their own good. What if someone is suicidal but doesn't want to kill themselves?

 

That is how I feel although subconsciously I'm sure the will to live has a lot to do with why I am still here. Anyways when I think of death; to me it is not the end. Although I am agnostic and believe the person I am will cease to exist one day, in a way this is heaven to me.

 

To be immortal in my eyes, is a curse.

 

Let me give you some information as to why I view eternal life as hell.

 

I constantly worry about the world and others well being more than I do my own. So much in fact, that when thinking about children in Africa; I can't help but cry. Not just tears but that kind of crying where the back of your throat hurts. I remember my childhood and how lonely I felt watching my parents hurt each other and use drugs. I did not have it easy at all but in comparison to children in say Somalia, My childhood was a walk in the park. Their pain is much worse than mine was, and knowing that human beings even children are going through worse than what I dealt with at such a young age is unbearable to me.

 

I constantly worry and fret about humanity today and its future. Killing my braincells has eased my thinking and allowed me to relax some, although when I start college I will sober up as I need to retain as much information as possible.

 

I want to be a benefit to society, even if I do something insignificant and my name is never known. If I can prevent one person from living a horrible poverty stricken life, Its what I want to do more than anything. Make sure nobody ever has to go through what I did.

 

 

 

One day being able to help people and not walking out on my family are the main reasons I think I'm still here. I have never tried to kill myself, but I look at death as eternal peace. When I wake up in the morning it just feels like I'm being stripped away from any peace I can get, and thrown into this rough cruel world.

 

I will live my life to the fullest, but when death comes. I will embrace it with open arms.

 

 

 

 

 

I personally have attempted to kill myself 39.2 times so I could travel to a parallel universe where I shall be the president there.

 

Unfortuantely due to my property of being indestructable, all attempts failed. My next plan is to fire high velocity protons at me in hope of destroying my plasma shield with its kinetic energy and tiny shape.

 

Joking. Suicide is in my opinion bad, because a lot of real bad people never think about suicide. By commiting suicide, one really lets the worms win, which is usually against the purpose of commiting suicide anyways - which is to relieve pain.

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  • 2 months later...

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