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Where can I find MPM?

Green Xenon

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I'm looking for an escape from life's sufferings. I want to OD on MPM. How do I do this?


I'm not addicted to any drug nor do I ever plan to be. However, I have some questions about a once-in-a-lifetime consumption of morphine.


"MPM" is an acronym for Molecularly-Pure-Morphine


MPM is the purest form of morphine. An MPM molecule does contain any sulfate, HCl, salts, or other impurities.


"MPM-fluid" is a liquid consisting solely of MPM and clean "drinking" water. In the MPM-fluid, the ratio of MPM to drinking-water is just high enough to give the liquid a viscosity similar to that of filtered orange juice but not higher.


Where can I obtain MPM-fluid and the necessary IV-equipment from?


I want to receive a euthanasia-dose of MPM-fluid via IV.


Here are my problems:


1. I hate shaving because it makes a mess. I can't stand the sensation of disconnected hairs. OTOH, I don't like the sensation of male-specific facial hair, so I HAVE to shave to get rid of them. Catch-22 situation.


2. I hate needing to get a haircut because because it results in a mess of disconnected hairs that produce a nasty itching/tickling sensation. They also make a mess of the car I drive to/from the salon shop -- due to this I half to ask my brother if I can use his car, which is an inconvenience to him. On the flip side, I don't want my hair to grow out because I have these involuntary hand movements that cause me to play with my hair to the point where my hands and head hurt. So I need to keep my hair at a #2 length or shorter. Much like the above issue, this is a lose-lose situation.


3. I find any contents of the human digestive system [e.g. vomit, stools, spit, drool, etc.] to be extremely sickening. I hate needing to deal with those disgusting entities in any way, shape or form. So, if/when I enter MCS, I wish to receive intravenous nutrition via a pic-line.


4. My skin is extremely sensitive to many types of clothes. I'm very limited -- around my whole body -- as to what I can wear.


5. I'm mentally-deficient and my future career path is severely limited. I don't want to end up doing poorman's work and living on the fringes of poverty. Due to my sensitivity to socially-appropriate clothing, I may not receive any employment at all.


6. I have an incurable form of athlete's foot. My feet itch like hell. The only way to relieve this itch is to submerge my feet in painfully-hot water, not hot enough to burn, but none-the-less it is hot-enough to activate pain reflexes. Nothing else relieves the itch. I don't want to walk around with bare feet because my feet then feel sticky and dirty.


7. When I floss my teeth, I drool involuntarily and this sickens me to the core.


I have a mental disability that causes severe impairments in the following:


A. common sense

B. moderation

C. decision-making

D. social interactions

E. multi-tasking

F. concentration

G. attention span

H. comprehension

I. data retention

J. processing speed

K. reaction time

L. executive functions


I was born on 10-22-83, hence I'm currently 28-years-old. I'm a biology student at the California State University in Pomona [aka "Cal Poly Pomona"]. I don't have job and am still dependent on my folks. I still live with them. Due to my mental deficiency I've been taking too long to get my undergrad degree. I started at Cal Poly on Fall of 2002. This it taking way TOO long. If I try to get a job somewhere, the staff will take notice of this and will not be comfortable hiring me.


For the above reasons, I want to euthanize myself with MPM. How do I do this?






Edited by Green Xenon
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Honestly, you don't. It isn't impossible for someone to find medically pure morphine, but the avenues that you would have to go to get it wouldn't give it to you anymore than the doctors will. Asking a doctor this might see you hospitalized depending on how they feel your 'true' state of mind is and they don't mind being subjective.


Being completely honest here, seeking help will probably not be all that helpful and is only helpful when you are ready to work towards being helped. The irony of being helped is actually that you do most of the work. In fact I'm not entirely sure what psychologists do beyond listening and pointing out the very obvious. I guess sometimes people need to know when things are the most obvious and this is most apparent when someone iterates over things in an obvious manner. I know you didn't ask about help, but I am assuring you that I am not here to advise you to seek it--unless of course you feel you should then by all means . . .


I have to empathize with your disgust with facial hair. I still have some facial hair and I am forced to shave daily. I often get rashes on my neck and it is very irritating. It also becomes very obvious that I shave when I have red marks all over my neck. Electrolysis is one of the most painful experiences I can possibly imagine and I have experienced physical pain in ways that most people will never endure. I have had electrologists burn my face and I am now scarred trying to get rid of the hair. The best that I can say is if you are dark haired and not blonde/red like myself laser is supposed to work wonders. Laser hair removal can be effective in under a year. But again I am not here to empathize with you.


I must say, you make me feel like a complete failure. You almost have a degree? I have a short window of opportunity, as my parents could care less if I am street bound for life--they 'love' me but I need to learn to be my own person and all. I am 32 and have just started my degree and might very well fail. I know I just failed a math test, and math is something I've put a lot of extra time into over the years. The fact that I am choosing to make it my specialty says to me that I'm wasting my time because I know everyone else is better than me anyway. I've had nothing but the most depressing jobs you can imagine and I'm sure I will not improve enough to ever be anything worth being in my meaningless existence that I never really wanted to be apart of. But I'm not here to belittle your pain . . .


If I knew you personally and you were a good friend of mine or a relative of some sort I would probably tell you to shut up and get a life, but I know this is an inappropriate thing to do on a public speaking forum.


When I told my psychologist that I would much prefer to be dead then to face the impending doom that is my reality she asked me how I would do it. I told her and she asked me if I thought that I could do it. I had to be honest because the truth is I can't and if I suggested that I could they might put me back in the psych ward again. I figured I had probably best enjoy my next however long I get to remain in school because as hard as it is it will probably be the most enjoyable part of my life. If your time in this respect is coming to an end I feel pain for you even if for you this has no meaning.


No one will help you commit suicide. If you have ever looked at a suicide help poster and laughed because you thought it can't help then you are absolutely right, it can only help you help yourself. Homeless people yell at passers by all day long downtown and few will stop to hear them. I won't say that it isn't because they don't care because this isn't true. People care but they can't do anything about it. They are human beings. Those who are successful are compelled to enjoy their success. This is because if they didn't they would feel even more miserable than they already do. They need to get their fix, more often than not they had to go through a hell of a lot to get it. Their jobs are also generally to make society as displeasent to others as possible as the human condition is too often to feel suffering. Those who are just getting by simply can't help. The point? As it stands euthanizing oneself is deemed immoral. As it stands you will be forced to live the very things that you fear and/or loath whether you like it or not, unless you do something about it. No one feels that you should be subject to pain, but no one is ready to just let you die either. People will tell you to seek the help that you need because they are required by their nature to ensure that you both do not feel pain and that you stay alive.


Most people but not all get over trying times. All that anyone will be able to offer you is their sympathies and these will only remain earnest so long as you do not take advantage of them. I suggest you seek the hep to help yourself, and to be as open as you can to the possibility that life is not going to be easy in any way shape or form. Do your best to be what everyone else is because it is honestly in your best interest. Try to communicate to others your problems in small doses and see what little you can derive from each interaction and you might find that these will sum over time to an effective result. Try to enjoy the little things, for a lot of people this is all that they will ever have. I hope I haven't spoke out of place and I send my respects to you and to everyone else in the forum.

Edited by Xittenn
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We closed this thread because giving advice on euthanasia violates our rule 3.b. I hope Green Xenon, and anyone else who is feeling the same way, will consider seeking help with their problems before thinking of suicide. There are resources available to help; try starting here:




Green Xenon, I hope you can find help to resolve these problems. I can see you've posted similar questions on other websites, to no avail. I've contacted the Cal Poly Pomona counseling folks, whose phone number I PMed to you, in the hopes that they can help you.

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