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Zombie Plan


ydoaPs
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get a gun, baseball bat, and a couple of daggers and go at them with my kickboxing skills.

then get a large football sized pool of acid and put them into it.

 

then get a martini and hang out.

I suggest you get your gun(s) ahead of time... BEFORE there's a problem with Zombies. >:D

 

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It'll be tough to get them when those who already have them are likely going to be busy USING them. Don't forget to stock up on some ammo too since most Gun shops will likely be closed in the event of a Zombie Apocalypse, so you'll have to make due with what you already have on hand! ;)

 

I recommend an intermediate caliber 'Assault Rifle'. Shotguns are nice, but their ammunition is bulky & heavy, so you cannot carry as much. Shotguns are also slower to reload, and typically only reasonably effective at close range (within ~100 yards, 200 tops although there are some acceptions to that). An AR-15 or AK-47 would be your best bet as they're reliable, sufficiently accurate, and have a decent range as well as the ability to go thru LOTS of ammunition in a short time without much reloading needed!

 

If you can get your hands on something fully-automatic, and plenty of ammo, go for it!

 

Got 50-Caliber?

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Otherwise, you'll have to wait around for your friendly neighborhood STEN truck to come around and deliver an automatic weapon or two to your doorstep.

StenTruck.jpg

 

That 50 did a great job on my oldsmobile, so I think it'll do quite a number on a hoarde of Zombies...

wolverines.jpg

 

They see me rollin'... They Hatin'. :D

 

The only problem is, how do you stay properly hydrated during the Zombie Apocalypse???

 

No matter how many gunshops I go to, I can't seem to find a single one that has a "Tactical Beverage Holder" in stock so I can keep my beer ready at a moment's notice! :doh:

 

Beerholder.jpg

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  • 3 weeks later...

YEEEE HAA!!!

 

My woman and me, we like smokin cigars, drinkin Kentucky Bourbon with branch water an shootin Zombies with our preacher and his common law wife on Sundays after church!

 

We laugh real hard when they arms fall off and they funny little heads explode.

We don't care if'en it kills 'em cause we just shoots 'em over again.

 

They is a hoot!

 

Y'all is invited to come join us this Sunday.

Bring somethin to drink if'n you don't like Bourbon and your own firearms or you can jus borrow one of ours.

We donts care.

 

They is plenty of Zombies for everbody!

 

PS: I don't like to ask, but my wife wanted me to tell you she'd much appreciate it if you'd bring a along box or two of 30 cal carbines, 454 Cassels, 30-06 or 12 gauge deer slugs. She is a runnin kinda low on each.

 

PSS: inuhbad, again, I don't like to ask, but my wife wanted me to ask you if you is comin could you bring that 50 cal machine gun? She ain't never shot a Zombie with one of them before and really has her heart set on shootin one in the head with it after seeing that picture of yourn.

Don't tell her, but I might surprise her and get her one for Valentine's day.

Edited by DrDNA
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A lot of this thread depends on whether the zombism is viral or supernatural.

 

We need a flow chart!

 

You know, this may be the first time that "We need a flow chart!" has been uttered and there is no xkcd to link to. :D


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YEEEE HAA!!!

 

My woman and me, we like smokin cigars, drinkin Kentucky Bourbon with branch water an shootin Zombies with our preacher and his common law wife on Sundays after church!

 

Ya know - you just gave me an idea for a completely different sort of zombie attack strategy:

 

Be the biggest, rough talk'n wise crack'n cigar smoke'n hard drink'n (yet intriguing) badass with the biggest guns. When in groups utter phrases like "Sounds like a good plan....if you're trying to get yourself killed" and make sure everyone knows not to say "you didn't warn them" whenever you can. Even if you are, never look surprised, and when zombies start attacking at the absolute worst time sigh like it's a mild inconvenience because you really wanted to finish whatever you were doing before saving everyone's butts.

 

Attempt great feats of heroics and when you succeed don't only act as if it's nothing, give everyone looks as if you can't fathom how they managed to survive normal life before the zombpocalypse. Don't focus on the fact you just killed 10,000 with a daring improvised plan, two paperclips a roll of duct tape and molative cocktail... instead just say in a displeased tone "damn, I spilled my scotch" like that is all that mattered.

 

If zombie movies have taught me anything - that's how you survive zombies1.

 

 

1. One caveat: make sure the people you are with are not on some super important mission that they are ill prepared for, or you could find yourself in a "last stand" position sacrificing yourself at the last minute so they can save the world. If you find a group of people like that run and let them die, find a completely different ragtag collection of survivors.

Edited by padren
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Ya know - you just gave me an idea for a completely different sort of zombie attack strategy:

 

Be the biggest, rough talk'n wise crack'n cigar smoke'n hard drink'n (yet intriguing) badass with the biggest guns. When in groups utter phrases like "Sounds like a good plan....if you're trying to get yourself killed" and make sure everyone knows not to say "you didn't warn them" whenever you can. Even if you are, never look surprised, and when zombies start attacking at the absolute worst time sigh like it's a mild inconvenience because you really wanted to finish whatever you were doing before saving everyone's butts.

 

Attempt great feats of heroics and when you succeed don't only act as if it's nothing, give everyone looks as if you can't fathom how they managed to survive normal life before the zombpocalypse. Don't focus on the fact you just killed 10,000 with a daring improvised plan, two paperclips a roll of duct tape and molative cocktail... instead just say in a displeased tone "damn, I spilled my scotch" like that is all that mattered.

 

If zombie movies have taught me anything - that's how you survive zombies1.

 

 

1. One caveat: make sure the people you are with are not on some super important mission that they are ill prepared for, or you could find yourself in a "last stand" position sacrificing yourself at the last minute so they can save the world. If you find a group of people like that run and let them die, find a completely different ragtag collection of survivors.

 

Don't I say I didn't warn ya, but it sounds like a good plan....if'n yer tryin to get yourself killed....

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Okay, this made me laugh, so I have to post it here.

 

 

I'm working late, it's 6:30am, not sure when I'll sleep but it happens. I go outside for a cig, and am standing on the sidewalk in front of my place....I start to hear a shuffling from one side... then the other side....

 

...I look around - morning joggers half awake - I thought the zombies were rising for a moment there! :D

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I'm working late, it's 6:30am, not sure when I'll sleep but it happens. I go outside for a cig, and am standing on the sidewalk in front of my place....

You left out the part about peeing against a wall.

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On purpose >_>

 

I may have the social graces of a stray dog, but that doesn't mean I have to announce it...

 

I don't want to give the impression that I'm putting on airs or anything, but I guess that's what separates you from me.


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Some of my hunting buddies, including Arnie, his gang and Arnie's new best pal, One Ugly Mother *****, are coming to town for this long, 3-day weekend.

Now that they all finally get along together, they're a lot of fun to hang out and kill Zombies with.

 

 

avpr_predator_4.jpg

 

predator_001.jpg

 

Anyway, they asked me to let you all know that you might want to keep your kids indoors for a few days and that this Zombie problem, as well as many of the politicians who are responsible for the pork/special interest earmarks in the "Stimulus Package", should be taken care of by Tuesday morning.

 

 

HAPPY DEAD PRESIDENTS/DEAD ZOMBIES DAY!!

Edited by DrDNA
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But seriously! You all should watch "Zombies: Dawn of the Dead" It's a bit dated now (1978 ish?) but probably the best Zombie film ever made. I've seen it about 27 times and I don't even like Zombies!

 

"Saun of the Dead" wasn't bad either, but my missus won't watch it with me.

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But seriously! You all should watch "Zombies: Dawn of the Dead" It's a bit dated now (1978 ish?) but probably the best Zombie film ever made. I've seen it about 27 times and I don't even like Zombies!

 

Actually, Dawn of the Dead was the second one (I think that there were five or more in all).

 

Dawn of... was the sequel to 'Night of the Living Dead'; which was done in B&W about 10 years earlier.

In the third one, Return of the Living Dead, the military nuked my hometown of Louisville KY, trying to kill the Zombies, but the subsequent rain containing Zombie fallout just made millions more of them!

 

Night of... was shot to a large extent in a graveyard and, what looked like, somebody's basement on a VERY low budget (something like a hundred grand or so).

'Night of the Living Dead' was REALLY 'campy', but it was by far the best one of the series and the best Zombie movie ever made, in my opinion.

It's a classic.

 

Night-of-the-Living-Dead-Scene-Horror-Zombie-Movie-Film-Original-B&W-Romero.jpg

 

notld1.jpg

 

I think somebody did a remake of Night of..... in the early nineties or so...plus a remake of Dawn of... somewhere along the line.

Edited by DrDNA
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Yea I know.:D

Return of the Living Dead is very funny. "Mooore Braaaains!!!" (Zombie split dogs! - fantastic!)

Night of... was good for it's time (but a bit before mine)

Dawn of.. was my favourite, because it deals with what is being discussed in this thread - setting up and surviving after the zombies have taken over.

 

All 3 are classics though! I stand by my comment. If you have been interested in this thread and haven't seen it - watch "Zombies: Dawn of the Dead" the second of the series.

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On a more serious and scientific note:

For some strange, unknown reason, all the zombi livi deaderi (commonly referred to as Living Dead Zombies or simply Zombies) that existed in the 60's absorbed all bands of light in the visible spectrum.

In other words, all zombi livi deaderi populations in the 60's were shades of gray.

 

Those of you that are wise in the ways of science may be able to observe this phenomenon for yourselves if you view 'Night of the Living Dead' while eating lightly salted, buttered popcorn and compare the Zombies in that film to the zombi livi deaderi populations in the later films (1970s and onward); even amongst the same series of films.

Some of you might even be able to see the differences without the use of salt or melted butter or perhaps even without any popcorn at all.

 

The careful or the uncareful observer may also detect this visible light absorbing Zombie effect if one were to observe the 1960's zombi livi deaderi images I pasted above, and also this other image of 1960s era zombi livi deaderi below:

 

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Figure 1. Gray 1960s Era Zombies. Image courtesy of 'Night of the Living Dead'

 

Notice that all the Zombies are gray in the image above..

 

However, at some point during the decade of the 1970's (a la 'Dawn of the Dead' and subsequent '....of the Living Deads'), zombi livi deaderi must have mutated to their current phenotypes. From the 1970s onward, Zombies began to absorb just some bands of visible light; with different Zombies absorbing distinctly different hues of light even amongst geographically-related zombi livi deaderi populations.

 

Compare the films and look carefully at these zombi livi deaderi images from the late 1970's.

 

407192b6d47d9-13-1.jpg

Figure 2. 1970's Era Zombies in unliving color. Image courtesy of Dawn of the Dead.

 

To the scientifically astute eyeball, even without bifocals, it is obvious that zombi livi deaderi populations from the 1970's and onward do not absorb all bands of visible light; just some colors.

These later Zombies are no longer shades of gray, but to the contrary, 1970s era zombi livi deaderi are various hues of colors.

 

Now you have seen it for yourself

The evidence is irrefutable.

 

During my quest for a cause for this unusual phenomenon, I drank a rather large box of cheap wine and pondered the relationship between the timing of the Pinko Commie Plot to fluoridate our municipal water supply and the color change.

However, upon arising from my drunken stupor, and while brushing my teeth so that my employer would not detect the scent of alcohol on my breath, it occurred to me that zombi livi deaderi populations in areas that did not fluoridate their water supplies were also impacted.

 

After a several month long drinking binge, I found within myself a renewed interest in finding the source of the Zombi mutation.

 

I now have circumstantial evidence that suggests that it was Disco Music and/or a rise in the popularity of Tight Fitting, Nylon, Bell Bottomed Breeches in the 1970s era that may have caused the mutation.

 

I will continue my research with the hope that a genetically targeted solution can be found.

Edited by DrDNA
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Attention Please:

For those of you intent on nuking the Zombies or burning them in a fiery moat or a burning ring of fire, as my good friend Mr Cash will tell you, the subsequent Zombie rain will just exacerbate the problem......creating more Zombies.

 

Just check out the Zombies in pink attempting to sneak up behind Johnny as he tries to tell to world about this problem:

 

 

Y2iv_E-Fn9E

Edited by DrDNA
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