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dethfire

girlfriend frustrations

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now my girl and I are basicly opposites. she is hardcore into art and i'm hardcore into science. this difference over time leads to different mind sets and how we think. we seldom have debates and when we do one of us usually gets ticked off. she gets ticked at me for being to analitical and I get ticked because she seems to beleive in thing she can't explain or provide evidence for. for example she beleives in fate and that only one person in the world is right for you. i couldn't agree less and was shocked by this ridiculous idea. also i told her about some women who are high risk for breast cancer can get geneticly tested. she said that was wrong and that we had no business knowing the information. again i went furious. i just couldn't understand her mind set. she said I needed to trust my emotions and just believe some things, and that i'm too much about science and evidence. i explained to her that the brain decieves and you can't rely on your senses (pilots know what i'm saying). but she didn't change her view. i can't understand her, it's like she wants me to be ignorant or something. someone help before i go crazy!

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The female mind is the one science that will never be understood.

 

My advice would be to stop trying.

 

Don't take everything she says for its literal value. In the end it doesn't really matter.

 

When it come to personal relationships there is no model that you con apply to help you work things out; you need to go at it on your own.

 

Pay attention to what she says, even if you do not understand it. You won't regret it. If she thinks that you are disregarding everything that she is telling you then she shall do the same to you; it is a cycle, break it while you still can.

 

When discussing things actually discuss them, do not debate. Deep now I very much doubt that either of you really enjoy it. Remember that all Scientific theories are just that, theories. Although they work and have been 'proven' many times before it does not mean that they are the only things that make the world work.

 

I apologise for any incoherence in my above post.

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Greg, what's the question?

 

Seems to me like you need to figure that out before you can start working on an answer mate.

 

 

(Hi dudels :) )

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The science of women proves their truely is randomness in the universe because the are totally unpredictable at the most crucial times, They're like a box of chocolates, you never know what your going to get.

Just aman

Nice to meet you Dudels.

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Nice analogy you've got there, aman.

 

The only thing with chocolates is that you know that you are going to get something nice and chocolatey.

 

 

(Nice to mee you too)

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Aye, it sounds like the problem lies in you Greg. Be more tolerant of other people's opinions don't force yours down her throat. If you want to "prove" something to a person who believes in fate and destiny then you have to relate your proof to their experiences. You can't just throw out statistics and facts without attempting to make a connection of those numbers and "big words" to what she believes is true. This might help you understand what I said a little better: You have to disprove her ideas instead of trying to prove yours....but I wouldn't recomend trying to change the way she looks at life and its workings. If it really makes you frustrated, you can always try to make her understand where you are coming from. She should, in turn, try to make you understand where she is coming from. A mutual understanding is what (real) relationships are all about.

 

That's just what I think.

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Let's see, I think you all are in dire need of a female perspective here (no offense, but you seem to be floundering).

While I'm sure many girls wouldn't appreciate being compared to a box of chocolates, I, for one, would take it as a compliment. Perhaps unpredictability is one of the things you should enjoy about your girlfriend, instead of begrudging the fact that she doesn't always react how you'd like her to. After all, if you knew exactly what she was going to say, it'd be pretty boring.

And I agree, don't argue, discuss. Just because you don't understand each others' point of view right off the bat doesn't mean that with a little work, you can have a working relationship.

And by all means, listen to what she says! Perhaps she can't back up her beliefs with scientific proof as you'd like her to, but maybe she wants you to have convictions that you can't quite explain. Opposites attract. Compliment each other, give a little, take a little.

Communication is vital-and if you're willing to compromise, she should be too.

Good luck :)

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and above all, let her win sometimes, being overly scientific is ok, being a know-it all is not ;) learn to lose and win with grace... it helps a lot. sometimes proof is overrated (did i just say that?) Let her emmotions be strong enough for you.. just once in a while, to make sure she feels like you understand where she is coming from, although this is coming from the girl who is in love iwth having debates an dfights with her boyfriend... I still LOVE winning... actually, i'm kind of on your side, i'm more the scientfic one and he is more emmotional, it works out pretty well for us, just plan around feelings and everything else gets easier and falls into place...

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Guest ETRON3030

here's what you do. grab her by the ankles. stop being a weiner. and show her what being a nerd is all about. she will then give you all the respect you desire. and then some. when you smack her ass, take care to slap hard. hf gl. lo3.

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I think the main thing is, can you agree to disagree and still be comfortable with each other. If one of you doggedly needs to change the other then move on. If your willing to take small steps and nudges then it might work.

Good luck.

Just aman

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Originally posted by Ami

 

let her win sometimes,

 

 

never. women must be kept in their place, or they get silly ideas like emanipation and equal rights.

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Yeah and ridiculous stuff like that... :nono:

Definately let her win sometimes!

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If she's right, admit it. If not, keep on arguing until she realizes she's wrong.

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Guest Ender

aman

Molecule

 

Registered: Jul 2002

Location: nebraska

Posts: 768

The science of women proves their truely is randomness in the universe because the are totally unpredictable at the most crucial times, They're like a box of chocolates, you never know what your going to get.

Just aman

Nice to meet you Dudels.

 

 

 

 

A.K.A. The Chaos Theory if I'm not mistaken. And to help Greg, I am also very analytical, it's the only way that seems to make sense. You break it down, find different solutions, decide the best for the situation and act upon it. You can do just that for this very situation. Try different methods, including telling her that she needs not to intrude on what you believe as long as you do not harrass her beliefs, telling her shes completely absurd, and just agreeing with her to shut her up. heh heh. But in my opinion I don't think anyone ever needs to change for someone else, including your significant other, for if you do, you may also be changing or affecting one of the few things they find attractive in you. Stay who you are, they need to learn to take the good with the bad.

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PS. I've been married fifteen years and you have to remember marriages last a long time. You need communication, honesty, trust, interest, love and more but the easiest of these to lose is first on this list and the easiest to give is last. Lovers sometimes kill when they should have left when they stopped communicating.

It's nice when you can be with someone that meets you halfway at all on the list.

Just aman

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Hmm... you guys are pretty good at breaking down relationships help me explain mine??

 

Ok i met this friend through school one day by almost gettin in a fight with him, but we talked a bit and became really really close friends (always at each other's houses goin and partying and just chillin almost everyday) now he has this sister and for some crazy reason me and his sister sort of fell in love -- wasnt exactly the planned thing to do but she kept comin out to me while i was on the couch in the middle of the night and layin there with me and talkin to me and all kinds of other lil goodies... So we sorta had out thing secretly and we went through the ups and downs (got caught in her room by her dad) rumours by her jealous cousin got spread around about me doin stuff with her and and all this other mess got her brother a lil upset so he got mad at me one day and we stopped talkin for awhile then on my b-day after like 3-4 weeks of not talkin he came over we talked it out and are back to good friends again. But the weird part is his sister still talks to me now and we see each other and all kinds of stuff but i dont really understand how she feels or what to do.

 

Situation: She calls me and tells me to go to the ice skating rink (here in town for the holidays) so i go on up there to be with her and we skate a bit then go sit in this darkened off corner but she wont face me, so i dont know whats wrong with her but she keeps takin my arms and putting them around her. So we are just kinda there and shes having her fun and i'm tryin to figure out what the heck she is thinking... then i was like damn i need a hug it's been a long day and i'm stressed out and she wouldnt give me a hug.. now i didnt even bother to ask for a kiss cause it's been like 3months or so since we even did that so i gave up on that a long while ago. but her mom calls me up and ask me to take her home (i'm a friend of the family no harm can happen here) so we are going home and she tells me to pull over in an empty parkin lot.. so i just sorta looked at her like what are you talkin about (after her not even lookin at me all night) so i do and then she sorta does her thing and we really get into it. and i was in shock cause thats the first time we kissed on top of everything else we did in a long time, so i was kinda thinkin things are getting better and just shut the crazy ideas outta my head..

 

(i know this is getting long but we've been together for almost 12months now so i gotta make sure it all makes sense)

 

another weird thing that night was twice i told her i loved her but she never reply'd back to me either time like she usually does or she just says it to me, 1st time was on the benches and she said "i know" the 2nd was in the car and she didnt say anything.

 

:confused:

 

Now yesterday rolls around and i sign online for a few min to check my mail she tells me she got in trouble at school. so i was like oh shit what happened.. and she said she was erasing her wrist and they started to bleed.. so i go off on atangent like what the hell did you do that for? and such and she gave me this whole thing about how she might commit suicide and all this stuff so i got mad, cause the only fear i have is loosing some1 i care about and i was about ready to just cut it off right there and tel lher goodbye, but i signed off for a bit and came back and she sent me some e-mail about how everything is ok and she was just sorta jokin and that nothing will happen..

 

She tells me she will call me later if she goes and does anything so i can meet her somewhere and hangout.. well i dont get no phone call and i'm getting bored.. (party time) so i head out.. take a quick stop at this gamin place and bam shes there with some friends of hers (all guys) so i'm like okay w/e and i walk in and act all cool about it and say hi and that it, i walk around abit and i start to get mad with her hangin about all these guys so i leave out the door.

well damn right as i get to my car she calls me and asks me if i'm mad i tell her yes i'm mad and i'm upset she didnt call me and tell me she was coming. so she comes out side and i tell her my whole story of bein upset about what she said about her wrist and all that crap and her being a girl somehow convinces me that everything is ok and i leave.

 

then i go call up my friend get completely trashed and realize i gotta get my lil brother, hmm no problem small town no cars out by now done this before (its stupid to drink and drive but when you have 4 lanes to urself nad ppl tell you that u drive fine like that u build up some confidence) so i get him and all and he goes home i go back out and stop by that gamin place again.. (ya know my mind is buggin me abotu her i go check up on her i guess) i come in and she's on the lil go cart things so i'm chilin with some other friends and dancin and enjoyin myself and she comes over and looks at me and drags me to the corner to tell me i've been smokin and drinkin... well duh!! so i told her yea and whatnot so she gets a bit mad and i dont care by now cause i'm PO'd at her anyways so i go back to dancin and i look over and see her all up on another guy with his hands all over her (now i'm really really close to them both about arms lenght and i was in good mind to take a swing and knock him off his shit, but i didnt cause i'm a gentleman about things) so i look at her and i walk away, again yet she runs up and asks me whats wrong i tell her how am i suppose to be okay with u all up on some guy with his arms around you?? she's like well me and him are just friend and i go point = ? and she's like we are just friends too ya know.. and i go so what was the other night then (referingto the car) and she goes.. well umm okay we are more then friends and i go yes and i get a lil jealous and upset when i turn around and see that and after i trust u to go places and not screw aroundwith other guys how am i suppose to know ur not going around doing whatever else too? and she tells me to just go have fun so i did and i was all with some friends of mine dancin and she comes over and starts dancin too, now she's jealous -- good lordy this is nuts -- so shit like that goes on and whatnot and the more i hang with other girls the more she coems over so i finally get tired of it and go downstairs, now i guess she gets done with her other guy up there cause about 10sec later she's downstairs too, now me and this guy are havin a guy to guy talk and we make her go away (about 3 times) so she finalyl goes and sits down somewheres.. so we finish our talk and i go talk to her cause she's po'd and she is like well what was that about and i said "we had a guy talk" she's liek well did my name come up. told her no, then asked why? and she said cuase all the guys are scaring her other guys away and i didnt understand this but i said ok yea? and she was like well i dunno and then the other guy i was talkin with came over and we stood there just chillin, then i was about to go and she come over to me and tells me she loves me and starts kissin on my neck and crap and i'm like what the hell are you doin get off me crazy, cause she is like hopping from guy to guy and i dont want this so finally she tells me she loves me and i leave....

 

Can anyone please make sense of all this madness? should i stay with her or should i just move on outta this? It's been about 1yr together now (on and off). When i'm with her i'm usually so happy and i think about her a lot and i love her too, but is it better to move on?

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Sorry that was so long but i'm a detail oriented type guy. like to makes thing best as they can but i had to keep that some how short

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Seeing how you got close with her after all the initial problems with her being your friend's sister, I'd say you have something going....but....you and her got to stop playing games.

 

If she really meant that she loved you at the end of your story, then I'd say the whole night she was just testing you. Maybe she was trying to make a decision whether or not to make it a more steady relationship. When you were at the skate rink, she could have started "thinking," and that's why she didn't reply to "I love you." As for asking you to pull over.....maybe she just felt the urge to, I see nothing wrong with that ;)

 

If you feel that thing about her and suicide was real, I would suggest to try to understand what's happening that would make her write that to you. If it's real, she trusts you enough to help her, without making her feel worse, that's why she would've told you. Though, I don't know why someone would joke about that...it does sound a little weird, rubbing your wrist with an earaser. All that strange behavior could be linked that "suicide note." I suggest try to find out if it did happen.

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:rant: You need to give up all your scientific stuff, dude. What it all comes down to is making sure that your girl is happy! If it meens giving up a little bit of you science, then do it.

 

There is more to life then science. You must rely on your instinct (not emmotions. Emmotions will almost always trick you. They are a bunch of:bs: ).

 

Watch the Matrix. That is the truth, I think. That guy uses instict, not science.

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Guest shilohwillco

yea, i'm willing to debate the existance of GOD:)

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Mind games make life hell, man.

 

Lemme tell you a little bit about my own relationship, the more you know about others, the more insight you'll have into your own.

 

My first true girlfriend, whom I was crazy in love with, was my senior year of high school. I asked her to a Cowboys game, she went. I kissed her on her doorstep afterwards, and things went on from there. Typical senior romance, a little too much fun, and 7 months after graduation we have a baby girl.

 

The pregnancy was hard on both of us. Our relationship was nearly dead by the time our daughter was 3 months old. I came to a crucial point in my life where I had to leave Dallas, as I felt I could barely support myself on my own, and our relationship was so far-gone that it wouldn't have mattered anyhow.

 

So I was 250 miles away, for 5 years. Missing my daughter the entire time. Through a couple failed attempts to reconcile, through a court battle for my parental rights. I finally gave up. I withdrew from the battle. And I AIM'ed her. One of her friends answered the AIM, and we started chatting a bit, I told her who I was, why I messaged my ex. Her profile made me think that she was still dwelling on the past. After a few days of chatting with her friend, (my ex was fixing her computer, so they had traded), I finally got to chat with my ex. She seemed to have changed... a lot. She had matured. She was making good decisions for our daughter, and she was much more in control of her emotions.

 

She came to town to finalize the court battle. I had to sign away my parental rights. We went out for coffee, she showed me pictures of her and our daughter, we chatted, and despite what had happened for the last 5 years, I respected her more and more by the hour. I signed the papers, and we went to a movie.

 

I was falling back in love with her... or had I never fallen out? She felt the same, the kissing, hugging, and chatting before I returned home for the night proved that. Things were moving faster than we could comprehend, and something was pulling us together again.

 

This was only 4 months ago. Since then I've visited her in Dallas, am going up again this weekend, and am moving there permanently in a few weeks. This time, it'll be better, and I will finally be the father I should have always been.

 

Things you should learn from my story?

 

1) No matter what has happened in the past, if 2 people want something enough, there is always a future.

 

2) People grow up, and people do change.

 

PS. If your girl is off dancing with someone else, and tells you to go have fun, what she means is she's having more fun with that guy in front of her than she'd have with you. Especially if she shrugs off your concerns. Forget about her, and find someone else. If she's confused, and you aren't, you'll just have a lot of pain until she figures herself out.

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