why is wanting sex considered shallow?

[Callipygous]

it seems to me that sex is one of the closest, most personal things you can do with another person. why is wanting to have sex with someone seen as shallow?

[gcol]

Because it is so often for selfish and transitory gratification.

[insane_alien]

its not so much asking for sex but how well you know the person and the way in which you ask for it and the reasons behind it.

 

If you want sex with a person because you want to start a family with them, it wouldn't be considered shallow.

 

If you just wanted it solely for the pleasure it would probably be considered shallow, especially if you do this with a lot of women and move on after you've had sex with them a few times.

[Phi for All]

Shallow is a perception. If you never call again you might be shallow. If you're more interested in satisfying yourself than you are your partner then you're probably concerned only with the obvious.

 

On the other hand, if you want to know a person beyond what they show to most others and are looking for a deeper, more meaningful expression of the feelings you have for... WHOA! Look how short that girl's skirt is! I'd like to show her the time of my life!

 

 

 

Um, what were we talking about?

[insane_alien]

Phi is obviously as deep as the thin film coating on my glasses.

[Callipygous]

id like to show *her* the time of *my* life.... nice

 

my question is really, why is that the case? why isnt sex something you do with people you like, or feel an attraction to in order for both of you to feel good and have some fun? why have we, or our society, evolved in such a way that sex is something that requires a deep emotional connection to not be considered shallow?

 

 

im probably about to get a bunch of the women yelling at me, but...

 

its largely a physical act, so why doesnt it only require physical connections? put another way...if you had a deep conversation with someone, even though your not attracted to them, that wouldnt be considered shallow. why is it that you cant have a deep physical connection with someone, even though your not emotional attached to them, without being called shallow?

 

 

in case anyone is getting the wrong idea here... im not saying i think we should all go out and have casual sex. im asking why it is that we (me included) dont think of it the way i discribed above.

[Phi for All]

Phi is obviously as deep as the thin film coating on my glasses.

ROFL.

in case anyone is getting the wrong idea here... im not saying i think we should all go out and have casual sex. im asking why it is that we (me included) dont think of it the way i discribed above.

I can't believe you're talking about casual sex on Easter! Just because bunnies do it constantly doesn't mean it's morally justifiable.

 

Oooh, there's your answer. Religion usually wants a couple to be married before they can have sex whenever they like. It's a holdover from times when sex education and birth control weren't as sophisticated. If you don't want a lot of love children running around with no responsible adults to take care of them, you make sex the province of the church and then there's no wow without the vow.

 

It could also be a retaliatory effort on the part of women to compensate for the sex reputation disparity. You know, guys who have a lot of sex are studs and gals who do are sluts? If I was a woman I would definitely want that changed (even as a man I think it's ghastly).

 

And remember guys, if a woman calls you shallow she may just be saying that you don't penetrate deeply enough.

[Callipygous]

religion ruins yet another potentially wonderful thing...

 

sigh

 

maybe itll fade out : P

[Phi for All]

Or maybe you should become a priest of Dionysus.

[abskebabs]

Ppl's attitudes are pretty much the product of their enviroment, and this includes attitudes towards sex. After all common sense is simply the collection of prejudices acquired by the age of 18.

[padren]

I think the answer is a bit more basic: wanting to use someone for sex is considered shallow.

 

If you really want sex with someone, you are a lot more likely to overlook serious personality differences etc, and then they'll all magically start to bug you during the cigarette break.

 

In the same way you can't trust yourself to make an objective choice between two competing products if choosing one would land you a million dollars, its easy to be biased by the prospect of sex. Hence, people plan (plan yes, do...not always) on having a few dates before jumping into the sack, and get to know each other a bit first.

 

 

Add to that, that if you sleep with a friend for a while and it starts to become emotionally involved, sometimes more for one than the other, it can really cause even more complications. Sex is physical but its tightly tied to emotions, and its easy to get more emotionally tied up in someone against your better judgement due to a physical relationship. Sometimes people try to keep emotion out of it too agressively, which then compromises the quality of the relationship.

 

Still, even with that said and the general social taboo, "adult friendships" are actually rather common. They can be healthy, they just can be a whole lot trickier than traditional romantic relationships.

[Prime-Evil]

You must first demonstrate to a woman that she is important enough that you are willing to sacrifice your principles and leave yourselve compromised and vulnerable. Lieing is the most direct and traditional way of doing this, but whatever works, works.

[AzurePhoenix]

I say, as long as you're secure in your reasons for it as well as considerate of the potential risks, you are open with your partner about your intentions and they are likewise honest with you and ar ethemselves prepared, then you've got nothing to worry about on the moral/ethics scale.

 

However, this being a pagan holy-day of spring and fertility, I suggest you avoid the sheets unless you're looking forward to a bouncing blessed-baby

[Daecon]

It's like using their body as a masturbation device.

[Hades]

sex is shallow to two groups of people: those that have been hurt by seduction, or those that are not having sex/ or are married.

 

i love spain, they aren't pussies about issues like this.

[Cap'n Refsmmat]

Sex is shallow because it's a basic instinct, while wanting most other things (except food and water) is a result of your brain saying "I like music... I want an iPod" rather than "MUST REPRODUCE! MUST REPRODUCE" hormones.

[silkworm]

It's because we live in a bubble of lies that has been created by generations of our intellectual species, hell bent on making ourselves feel special by divorcing us from nature.

 

The most honest thing you can do to a fancy woman is bite her butt when you meet her. And that is shallow, but only because you're behaving honestly and not repressing/lying in the most kind of ways. That isn't valued in a world where bullshit like money, religion, and the law dictate everything.

 

Actually, the same phenomenon is why standup comedians are so funny. They generally just stand up there and tell the truth.

[Prime-Evil]

All animal species have complex courtship rituals. More complex animal species have systems of taboos in addition to systems of rituals. My understanding of our characterization of sex without courtship as shallow is related to this. It's all part of the game, and its very difficult for us, even for the social biologists amongst us that study this sort of thing, to every really truly operate outside of our basic human nature. Of course as an engineer I can do it, but more as an involuntary form of birth control.

[dambit]

All of the above answers are more or less correct. (except #14. Don't know what he meant by that)

 

Wanting sex is considered to be shallow only in the eyes of those who are ashamed of wanting sex themselves. This shame is most likely the result of years of religious garbage being rammed down their throat as a child, or the result of the parents ideas and ideals. When a small child playes with him/herself he does not think "this is wrong, I should stop this before I get sent to hell" or whatever, he/she is just doing what is pleasurable. The small child has not had societies or religions ideas of right or wrong stamped into its head yet.

[Callipygous]

It's like using their body as a masturbation device.

 

this sounds very much like the words of a virgin. while in some cases this may be true, i think the sentiment ive been giving off with my posts is very much about two people, who are mutually attracted, getting together and having a good time and helping each other have a pleasurable experience. sex is really far more enjoyable when you know your partner is having a good time too. masturbation doesnt match what im talking about.

[dambit]

Callipygous, I totally agree with your last post. If sex was meant purely for procreation, why is so enjoyable?

[Phi for All]

this sounds very much like the words of a virgin. while in some cases this may be true, i think the sentiment ive been giving off with my posts is very much about two people, who are mutually attracted, getting together and having a good time and helping each other have a pleasurable experience. sex is really far more enjoyable when you know your partner is having a good time too. masturbation doesnt match what im talking about.

I took Transdecimal's post to mean that a truly shallow person's desire to have sex with someone and then forget them afterwards is "like using their body as a masturbation device".

[Callipygous]

I took Transdecimal's post to mean that a truly shallow person's desire to have sex with someone and then forget them afterwards is "like using their body as a masturbation device".

 

 

thats pretty close to what i took from it...

 

but its not really what i was talking about. i dont mean a desire to use someone to get off and then never see them again. its more that it doesnt require an emotional relationship. just like if you had a deep conversation with someone... are you likely to never see that person again, or if it was truely an interesting conversation would you be more likely to keep in touch? you may, or you may not, but either way, they wouldnt make sure you were going to stick around before they spoke to you.

 

i still think my last post is valid. masturbation is purely about self gratification. the idea is two people who are attracted to each other having a good time, and as i said before... sex is better when you know your partner is enjoying it.

 

im sure there are plenty of situations where someone wants sex just to have another person there to get themself off, but thats not the kind of thing im talking about.

 

if i were a good partner, and wanted to have a truely enjoyable experience for both me and the girl im with, but was only interested in having a sexual relationship, (which would be enjoyable and gratifying for both sides) i would generally be considered shallow. that isnt me wanting to, essentially, masturbate in a girl, its me wanting to share an experience with her. just a particular type of experience.

[Daecon]

Ah, then I mistook what you were meaning in your other post.

 

Two people wanting to give each other as much pleasure as they get themselves? I wouldn't have considered that to be shallow as I regard "shallow" acts/thoughts as purely one-dimensional things, hence the masturbation analogy.

[Cap'n Refsmmat]

Callipygous, I totally agree with your last post. If sex was meant purely for procreation, why is so enjoyable?

To encourage you to procreate.