I don't understand networking

[random_soldier1337]

I've talked to a few people and I think I get the basic gist that you talk to a bunch of people in your field, some outside, make friends and then you have a 'network' of people with certain skills you can fall back on when you need it and your own ability in that area is insufficient and vice versa when they need you.

However, practically, for some reason, I just can't fathom it. Or maybe I don't want to. I don't know. Maybe it's my background/upbringing. I haven't thought about it too much. All I know is that it's important and the few people I have asked about it, I couldn't fully understand the concept. Like who do I do it with? Why is it really that important? How do I do it? And is it really worth it if I find the person disagreeable in some way?

[studiot]

15 minutes ago, random_soldier1337 said:

if I find the person disagreeable

Perhaps this is where you are going wrong?

Networking is about people not one person.

So any disagreability will be automatically diluted manifold.

[random_soldier1337]

I'm not sure I understood but I would like to clarify, in case, by disagreeable I meant malicious behavior such as spreading untrue rumors behind my back about me.

Edited October 26, 2019 by random_soldier1337

[Sensei]

For example:

If you want pizza, you make a call and pizza is delivered. ¹⁾

If Internet is malfunctioning, you make a call to admin of network, and he or she, fixes it. ²⁾

If you want lawyer, you make a call to your friend who is lawyer, not some randomly picked up an untrusted person from the phonebook.

If you are ill, you make a call to friend doctor to get advice (copy'n'paste the rest from above).

¹⁾ If you would have friend, who owns pizzeria, and know they make great pizzas, you would call for his/her pizza instead of random unknown (perhaps not so good).

²⁾ If you would have IT specialist friend, you would call him or her to talk about computer issues.

etc. etc.

 

50 minutes ago, random_soldier1337 said:

I haven't thought about it too much. All I know is that it's important and the few people I have asked about it, I couldn't fully understand the concept. 

So, some people, spread e.g. business cards on parties, telling e.g. "I am a doctor, my name is X Y, here is my business card, you can call me at any hour", and then is a normal talk (or not) like on parties. Some people use such parties as a way to advertise their specialization, businesses, ideas, investors, etc. etc., and gain new friends-clients-to-be for whatever they offer.

ps. Do I do it this way? No. So nobody can call me and ask to do anything. But I do understand people who are acting like this.

 

Edited October 26, 2019 by Sensei

[Phi for All]

34 minutes ago, random_soldier1337 said:

... and then you have a 'network' of people with certain skills you can fall back on when you need it and your own ability in that area is insufficient and vice versa when they need you.

This sounds more like a collection of acquaintances. To make a network effective, you need to start with what you need them for, and I think just having them to "fall back on" is where you're missing the point. A good network should support your efforts to reach goals.

Where do you want to be in your career/job/endeavor? What are you aspiring to do? Find people in places that can help you, people with the knowledge and connections to put you in the way of more opportunities. The network benefits from your skills and the support you're willing to give and get.

Figure out what your personal "brand" is, how you want to be perceived, what you want to do with that perception, and then you can better figure out who can help you get there. Along the way, the folks you meet will have skills that dovetail with yours, and skills that you need to pick up. And the connections will happen because you're out there talking to people about what you all are doing.

[random_soldier1337]

14 minutes ago, Sensei said:

If you want pizza, you make a call and pizza is delivered. ¹⁾

If Internet is malfunctioning, you make a call to admin of network, and he or she, fixes it. ²⁾

If you want lawyer, you make a call to your friend who is lawyer, not some randomly picked up an untrusted person from the phonebook.

If you are ill, you make a call to friend doctor about advice (copy'n'paste the rest from above).

¹⁾ If you would have friend, who owns pizzeria, and knew they make great pizzas, you would call for his/her pizza instead of random unknown (perhaps not so good).

²⁾ If you would have IT specialist friend, you would call him or her to talk about computer issues.

 

So, some people, spread e.g. business cards on parties, telling e.g. "I am a doctor, my name is X Y, here is my business card, you can call me at any hour", and then is a normal talk (or not) like on parties. Some people use such parties as a way to advertise their specialization, and gain new friends-clients-to-be for whatever they offer.

ps. Do I do it this way? No. But I do understand people who are acting like this.

 

Isn't the business card thing obnoxious? If so is there a better alternative? Also how does one identify these parties? Are they like the occasional business parties that are held? Or is someone important there, that's why?

5 minutes ago, Phi for All said:

This sounds more like a collection of acquaintances. To make a network effective, you need to start with what you need them for, and I think just having them to "fall back on" is where you're missing the point. A good network should support your efforts to reach goals.

Where do you want to be in your career/job/endeavor? What are you aspiring to do? Find people in places that can help you, people with the knowledge and connections to put you in the way of more opportunities. The network benefits from your skills and the support you're willing to give and get.

Figure out what your personal "brand" is, how you want to be perceived, what you want to do with that perception, and then you can better figure out who can help you get there. Along the way, the folks you meet will have skills that dovetail with yours, and skills that you need to pick up. And the connections will happen because you're out there talking to people about what you all are doing.

How can I know the person whom I am trying to network with will support me?

As for my brand, so far what I can say is that it some of it entails hard work to the point of eschewing contact with others unless needed. Now this is contrary to networking. Thus part of if not all of my dilemma.

[Sensei]

3 minutes ago, random_soldier1337 said:

Isn't the business card thing obnoxious? If so is there a better alternative?

Right. After "invention" of Facebook people often says "find me on Facebook" instead of giving business cards.. I think business cards were/are more professional, more private..

ps. I do not have FB.

12 minutes ago, random_soldier1337 said:

Also how does one identify these parties?

Are you joking? I am talking about any parties that you are invited to by friends, neighborhood, family etc. etc.

13 minutes ago, random_soldier1337 said:

Are they like the occasional business parties that are held?

...on specialized business parties people will know they will meet clients-to-be en mass so they are prepared with hundred business cards in advance to spread them..

e.g. there is held climate change symposium with prime minister, energy minister etc. VIPs. Person working in renewable energy sector is subscribing to such symposium and meets people from the same industry. They exchange ideas, exchange phone numbers, exchange business cards, details about themselves, to gain new customers, expand their network.

[studiot]

55 minutes ago, random_soldier1337 said:

I'm not sure I understood but I would like to clarify, in case, by disagreeable I meant malicious behavior such as spreading untrue rumors behind my back about me.

That's still networking but the negative sort, not the sort you want.

You want the sort which say, "That fellow John, he comes over and cuts my grass once a fortnight, and I let him park his van on my drive in return. Good reliable worker, you should give him a try."

[Sensei]

40 minutes ago, random_soldier1337 said:

How can I know the person whom I am trying to network with will support me?

Very strange question. What support?? You will pay him/her, or they will pay you for whatever you're specializing or selling..

Payment does not have to be direct cash. It might be opportunity to make greater business together with you and others fellows. Depends on what additional value you can give 2nd side.

Edited October 26, 2019 by Sensei

[zapatos]

Presumably you already have a 'friend' network. A group you are loosely or tightly associated with, either from work, school, whatever. You weren't thinking 'network' when you gathered them but that is what they are nonetheless. Need to talk to someone? Probably someone in your friend network. Need help moving a table? Someone in your network.

Business (or research, or construction, etc.) network is essentially the same thing. You meet people, stay in contact, and get to know them so that you can call on them when needed, and so they can call on you. Some of them may also be in your friends network. If you are looking for new people for work, then be sure to introduce yourself to people where you work now, ask them what they do, and get on a friendly basis. Talk to them when you see them. If you are in information technology for instance you can go to symposiums, take classes, join user groups. These are all opportunities to meet the right type of people. You may want to seek out someone who is in a position you'd like to achieve someday yourself. Ask for an introduction, tell them what your goals are, and ask if you can meet periodically to talk.

Bottom line is that you want to get to know people well enough that you are willing to do things for each other.

35 minutes ago, Sensei said:

Very strange question. What support?? You will pay him/her, or they will pay you for whatever you're specializing or selling..

 

When people talk about 'networking' I believe they are talking about something more personal than finding a person in the Yellow Pages. You may very well do business with them, but you may use them to help you find information, tell you abut job openings, explain something to you, tell you about opportunities they know about, mentor you...

[Sensei]

13 minutes ago, zapatos said:

You may very well do business with them, but you may use them to help you find information, tell you abut job openings, explain something to you, tell you about opportunities they know about, mentor you...

..and that typically happens on parties with friends, where you're invited, and can meet many new other unknown people friends-to-be, like I said in 4th post in this thread. One friend is inviting you to other people, and so on.. network of connections, acquaintances, is expanding.

[random_soldier1337]

55 minutes ago, Sensei said:

Very strange question. What support?? You will pay him/her, or they will pay you for whatever you're specializing or selling..

 

I mean I invest in them, help them out when they ask for it and when I ask them for something they run off.

21 minutes ago, zapatos said:

Presumably you already have a 'friend' network. A group you are loosely or tightly associated with, either from work, school, whatever. You weren't thinking 'network' when you gathered them but that is what they are nonetheless. Need to talk to someone? Probably someone in your friend network. Need help moving a table? Someone in your network.

Business (or research, or construction, etc.) network is essentially the same thing. You meet people, stay in contact, and get to know them so that you can call on them when needed, and so they can call on you. Some of them may also be in your friends network. If you are looking for new people for work, then be sure to introduce yourself to people where you work now, ask them what they do, and get on a friendly basis. Talk to them when you see them. If you are in information technology for instance you can go to symposiums, take classes, join user groups. These are all opportunities to meet the right type of people. You may want to seek out someone who is in a position you'd like to achieve someday yourself. Ask for an introduction, tell them what your goals are, and ask if you can meet periodically to talk.

Bottom line is that you want to get to know people well enough that you are willing to do things for each other.

I understand your point but that is what I was referring to in my original post. I have made a mindset of solving things on my own, perhaps to a detriment at this point. Need to talk to someone? Reflect and contemplate in peace and solitude. Need to move a table? Thankfully I'm strong enough to do it solo. I get that I can't do everything on my own but things have gotten to a point where it is difficult to change from my previous attitude.

3 minutes ago, Sensei said:

..and that typically happens on parties with friends, where you're invited, and can meet many new other unknown people friends-to-be, like I said in 4th post in this thread. One friend is inviting you to other people, and so on.. network of connections, acquaintances, is expanding.

I'm not really very social. I've tried but I find it very difficult. It feels like I am going out of my way and someone else always seems to be the life of the party. Also most of the things being spoken of sound so vapid. All the same old gossip of 'he said, she said, he did, she did'. I personally don't really care how cool you are because you had public bathroom sex. And yes I am serious that that actually came up and the person in question did not hide it.

[StringJunky]

36 minutes ago, random_soldier1337 said:

I mean I invest in them, help them out when they ask for it and when I ask them for something they run off.

I understand your point but that is what I was referring to in my original post. I have made a mindset of solving things on my own, perhaps to a detriment at this point. Need to talk to someone? Reflect and contemplate in peace and solitude. Need to move a table? Thankfully I'm strong enough to do it solo. I get that I can't do everything on my own but things have gotten to a point where it is difficult to change from my previous attitude.

I'm not really very social. I've tried but I find it very difficult. It feels like I am going out of my way and someone else always seems to be the life of the party. Also most of the things being spoken of sound so vapid. All the same old gossip of 'he said, she said, he did, she did'. I personally don't really care how cool you are because you had public bathroom sex. And yes I am serious that that actually came up and the person in question did not hide it.

'Networking' is wearing a mask and generally being agreeable in the hope that one day those parting phone numbers will benefit you.

[random_soldier1337]

12 minutes ago, StringJunky said:

'Networking' is wearing a mask and generally being agreeable in the hope that one day those parting phone numbers will benefit you.

Seems like a cynical view but given what I have experienced thus far, something I am more inclined to agree with. Though with that said, and especially if such a view is true, I don't see why my time would not be better spent improving my skills than going to parties and networking, seeing as currently I am more a student than someone in the field.

[StringJunky]

22 minutes ago, random_soldier1337 said:

Seems like a cynical view but given what I have experienced thus far, something I am more inclined to agree with. Though with that said, and especially if such a view is true, I don't see why my time would not be better spent improving my skills than going to parties and networking, seeing as currently I am more a student than someone in the field.

There's a saying: "It's not what you know, it's who you know". The truth is a bit of both.

Edited October 26, 2019 by StringJunky

[random_soldier1337]

How would I find the balance?

Edited October 26, 2019 by random_soldier1337

[Phi for All]

3 hours ago, random_soldier1337 said:

How can I know the person whom I am trying to network with will support me?

Quid pro quo. You do a favor you're capable of for someone else. They'd like you to do that again, so they do you a favor they're capable of, and so on, lather, rinse, repeat. It's encouraged unless you're in a position of great power.

3 hours ago, random_soldier1337 said:

As for my brand, so far what I can say is that it some of it entails hard work to the point of eschewing contact with others unless needed. Now this is contrary to networking. Thus part of if not all of my dilemma.

Your brand has two parts to it, your perception of who you are, and other people's perception of who you are. The two should match as closely as possible, and that means you have to maintain contact and let folks know what you're trying to do, ask them what they're trying to do. Nobody notices a hard worker who doesn't communicate. Nobody thinks it's noble that you keep your nose to the grindstone and your mouth shut.

Do you admire people like that? Or is it the folks who can work hard and also show their human side, the side that's brilliant as a species about cooperation and communication?

 

[random_soldier1337]

10 minutes ago, Phi for All said:

Quid pro quo. You do a favor you're capable of for someone else. They'd like you to do that again, so they do you a favor they're capable of, and so on, lather, rinse, repeat. It's encouraged unless you're in a position of great power.

This may only be my perception but I have found the case more often to be I'm trying to be nice and help out whenever I can but I cannot be afforded the least bit of courtesy let alone be helped when I ask for it. Maybe its a perception difference. Maybe its a person to person thing.

12 minutes ago, Phi for All said:

Your brand has two parts to it, your perception of who you are, and other people's perception of who you are. The two should match as closely as possible, and that means you have to maintain contact and let folks know what you're trying to do, ask them what they're trying to do. Nobody notices a hard worker who doesn't communicate. Nobody thinks it's noble that you keep your nose to the grindstone and your mouth shut.

Do you admire people like that? Or is it the folks who can work hard and also show their human side, the side that's brilliant as a species about cooperation and communication?

Actually I do. That description sounds like someone who is anti-social. I don't think hard worker and anti-social are the same. However, if some seldom have anything to say to me while I am going out of my way to speak to them and communicate with them, I don't think I should waste my time with them. Often from what I have found, I try to go out of my way, speak to people, even adopt mannerisms that they seem to be generally comfortable and entertained with, yet it works more to sour the relation.

[zapatos]

5 hours ago, Sensei said:

..and that typically happens on parties with friends, where you're invited, and can meet many new other unknown people friends-to-be, like I said in 4th post in this thread. One friend is inviting you to other people, and so on.. network of connections, acquaintances, is expanding.

Yeah, that is a friend network, not a work network. If you are trying to build your network of people who can help you in your field of, say, research in biology, it will take you several lifetimes to build that network if you have to run into the right people at parties with your friends.

[StringJunky]

6 hours ago, zapatos said:

Yeah, that is a friend network, not a work network. If you are trying to build your network of people who can help you in your field of, say, research in biology, it will take you several lifetimes to build that network if you have to run into the right people at parties with your friends.

But don't forget the 'old boy' network that can only be formed whilst you are in college/university and that may require attending social gatherings. Those young university socialites may one day be professors, CEO's etc. Obviously, you want to be knocking around in the circles of your future professional interest.

Edited October 27, 2019 by StringJunky

[iNow]

16 hours ago, random_soldier1337 said:

Are they like the occasional business parties that are held?

They’re called, “conferences.”

[swansont]

19 hours ago, random_soldier1337 said:

I've talked to a few people and I think I get the basic gist that you talk to a bunch of people in your field, some outside, make friends and then you have a 'network' of people with certain skills you can fall back on when you need it and your own ability in that area is insufficient and vice versa when they need you.

In a more professional sense, the friendship is less important. In science, the networking makes you aware of people in each particular sub-field, and makes it easier to approach these people for collaborations or to ask questions, since you've already been introduced.

I've used my networking for jobs as well. I learned of my current job (years ago) because of who I know (and who those people know), and I have reached out to my network to tell them of job openings. That has brought people to interviews who might not have otherwise been aware of the job opening.  

 

19 hours ago, random_soldier1337 said:

However, practically, for some reason, I just can't fathom it. Or maybe I don't want to. I don't know. Maybe it's my background/upbringing. I haven't thought about it too much. All I know is that it's important and the few people I have asked about it, I couldn't fully understand the concept. Like who do I do it with? Why is it really that important? How do I do it?

The importance of networking is going to vary depending on what you are doing.

19 hours ago, random_soldier1337 said:

And is it really worth it if I find the person disagreeable in some way?

One of the exchanges in networking is finding out who the disagreeable people are. If there is someone who is always taking but never reciprocates, you can find this out and avoid them.

[Phi for All]

15 hours ago, random_soldier1337 said:

Actually I do. That description sounds like someone who is anti-social. I don't think hard worker and anti-social are the same.

I don't think anyone equates the two, and I think it would be wrong to try. 

I would also caution you about using sound-byte phrases like "anti-social". It's a loaded media term that broadly categorizes very specific behaviors. Fifty people will define "anti-social" in fifty different ways.

Personally, I think most people who get tagged as anti-social are merely more sensitive about processing the amount of data coming at them from larger groups. But the spectrum also includes those who actively dislike being around any other people, as well as those who don't mind parties but can't stand rock concerts, and those who do well in small crews at work but freeze up at departmental meetings where thirty people are all trying to make themselves heard. 

I think one of the keys to good networking is to pretend you don't care if your help is reciprocated or not. Just keep doing the favors you can, knowing that sometimes it takes time for people's skills and connections to become useful to you, or yours to them. One guy who helps me with personal mechanical work at cost is particularly hard to compensate. I can almost never find things I can do for him because he's very skilled and rarely needs what I can do. This summer, however, he was putting his father's house up for sale, and the house is much close to me, so I was able to repay years of favors. We were both extremely happy it worked out that way.

[random_soldier1337]

Well seems like I am getting highly varying answers from all the various places that I have asked.

Just to be clear, I am not saying I don't talk to anyone who likes to or enjoys speaking to me or that I don't help when asked for. But I really don't feel comfortable going out of my way to go to parties or unnecessarily engage people because all I ever feel is that everybody gets piss drunk or there is simply bland, low level, gossip, respectively or perhaps somewhat overlapping.

I think my time would be better spent honing my core skills. Networking seems more chance based than that and I haven't quite gotten a particularly motivational answer to make me seek a more active role in it than what I have described.

[zapatos]

You are certainly not required to network and can function just fine without doing so. It is simply another method to help you improve your overall success.

Personally I don't think I know anyone whose networking involves drinking other than perhaps a drink or two at certain functions. I'm not sure what kind of networking involves gossip and drunks. Sounds more like a social party involving young people.