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Tanone_Hari

Associative mating in modern day humans

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Hi,

When selecting a potential mate, as a man, is it preferable to prioritize athletic ability, intelligence or beauty if you're potential future partner can only be exceptional in one of these (and average in the other two)?

What do you think and what's your opinion from a scientific perspective?

 

Edit: Also, I'm talking about exclusively monogamous and heterosexual relationships here.

 

Thanks,

Tanone_Hari

Edited by Tanone_Hari

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It’s not usually that rational or well planned. Also, you might measure those attributes on a different scale than me. You might feel someone is a gorgeous brilliant ninja whereas I might feel that same person is an ill formed ignorant toad.

Finding love or a mate is not generally so prescriptive or intentional.

Chance generates encounters between us and a subset of other humans on the planet. Sometimes you click with those you encounter and sometimes you don’t. Sometimes when you click, you decide to keep clicking together. Sometimes you stop clicking at a future time even when you hope to remain together. 

Mating is more art than algorithm. 

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4 minutes ago, iNow said:

It’s not usually that rational or well planned.

Do you think it ought to be more rational and well planned though?

 

4 minutes ago, iNow said:

. You might feel someone is a gorgeous brilliant ninja whereas I might feel that same person is an ill formed ignorant toad.

I heard that beauty is not really subjective, neither is intelligence nor athletic ability.

in regards to intelligence and athletic ability these are probably more quantifiable than beauty but we are able to still objectively determine someone's relative beauty compared to another's if you ask people sincerely and they are completely honest.

 

8 minutes ago, iNow said:

Chance generates encounters between us and a subset of other humans on the planet. Sometimes you click with those you encounter and sometimes you don’t. Sometimes when you click, you decide to keep clicking together. Sometimes you stop clicking at a future time even when you hope to remain together. 

Mating is more art than algorithm. 

in many cultures, you love the person you marry rather than marry the person you love.

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Also, mate preference is also highly dependent on personal experience, which makes objective measures pretty much useless.

1 minute ago, Tanone_Hari said:

in many cultures, you love the person you marry rather than marry the person you love.

If you are talking about arranged marriages, it  counters the point in OP, no? As in those cases practicability is the defining feature rather than some of the available traits.

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4 minutes ago, CharonY said:

Also, mate preference is also highly dependent on personal experience, which makes objective measures pretty much useless.

If you are talking about arranged marriages, it  counters the point in OP, no? As in those cases practicability is the defining feature rather than some of the available traits.

what do you mean by practicality? What sort of factors do you think one would need to be taken into account in the case of arranged marriages?

Aren't beauty, intelligence and athletic ability, practical traits too if you value these three things (as most people do as they are all positive traits)?

Arranged marriage simply means that your parents/community etc. are more involved in the selection process instead of looking for someone on your own through chance encounters, dating etc.

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6 minutes ago, Tanone_Hari said:

Do you think it ought to be more rational and well planned though?

Maybe. I’m generally a fan for humans being more rational and being better planners. That said, if we do this for mating, then we may as well I just rely on the algorithm of a dating app and call it done. 

8 minutes ago, Tanone_Hari said:

I heard that beauty is not really subjective

We often look for cues to health and fertility. Good skin. Bilateral symmetry. Certain waist to hip ratio. Things that suggest higher probability of having successful offspring, but it’s still quite subjective. 

What did your mom look like, or your first crush, or your French teacher? As Charon mentions, personal experience is massively important. 

12 minutes ago, Tanone_Hari said:

we are able to still objectively determine someone's relative beauty compared to another's if you ask people sincerely and they are completely honest

We can average subjective responses and ratings together, but that doesn’t make them objective. 

49 minutes ago, Tanone_Hari said:

is it preferable to prioritize athletic ability, intelligence or beauty if you're potential future partner can only be exceptional in one of these (and average in the other two)

What is your objective?

Do you want someone whom you respect and who’s company you can enjoy for decades?

Or do you want a pure baby maker who will make babies that other people want to make even more future babies with? 

Summarized: Is this mate an object and a tool for your personal selfish pleasure, or a partner and a friend ready to sacrifice with you to contribute to a better life?

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26 minutes ago, iNow said:

Maybe. I’m generally a fan for humans being more rational and being better planners. That said, if we do this for mating, then we may as well I just rely on the algorithm of a dating app and call it done. 

We often look for cues to health and fertility. Good skin. Bilateral symmetry. Certain waist to hip ratio. Things that suggest higher probability of having successful offspring, but it’s still quite subjective. 

What did your mom look like, or your first crush, or your French teacher? As Charon mentions, personal experience is massively important. 

We can average subjective responses and ratings together, but that doesn’t make them objective. 

 

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not currently able to watch a video. Plz summarize key points. 

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2 minutes ago, iNow said:

not currently able to watch a video. Plz summarize key points. 

he basically says that according to some experiments it was determined that ugly people perceive beauty in the same way as handsome/beautiful people.

However, those who were physically ugly looked for mates who were simillarly ugly but had other desirable traits (e.g. kindness, sense of humour etc.).

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How do wealth and access to / management of resources affect your thinking? Are physical traits and arbitrary scores on myopic intelligence tests the only characteristics you deem relevant?

Also, I think I was adding this to my previous post while you were already replying so you missed it:

1 hour ago, iNow said:

What is your objective?

Do you want someone whom you respect and who’s company you can enjoy for decades?

Or do you want a pure baby maker who will make babies that other people want to make even more future babies with? 

Summarized: Is this mate an object and a tool for your personal selfish pleasure, or a partner and a friend ready to sacrifice with you to contribute to a better life?

 

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