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Novalocity

How To Validate Your Life

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2 minutes ago, dimreepr said:

So, who gets to decide?

This is my decision, I'm asking for actual help not just being told its all on me. Because when I try to fix the issue it doesn't fix.

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You've been given actual help, but it's all on you to accept it, unfortunately, you expect your problems to be solved, just because you ask...

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44 minutes ago, Novalocity said:

I don't know how to change how I naturally feel daily.

When your environment and daily routine changes the way you feel daily will most likely follow. School, Service, and etc will pose challenges and stresses you have yet to experience and those experience should impact your out look. It is a natural process. You just need to give it time. 

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6 minutes ago, dimreepr said:

You've been given actual help, but it's all on you to accept it, unfortunately, you expect your problems to be solved, just because you ask...

What actual help? I have been given nothing in terms of advice. Excluding "it's your choice" 

1 minute ago, Ten oz said:

When your environment and daily routine changes the way you feel daily will most likely follow. School, Service, and etc will pose challenges and stresses you have yet to experience and those experience should impact your out look. It is a natural process. You just need to give it time. 

So just continue waiting for happiness? 18+ years isn't enough yet? I'm not looking for total happiness, just a moment.

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Happiness is a choice. 

It’s not always an easy choice, and there are often biological/psychopharmacological obstacles to making it, but it very much is a choice  

Giving to others and being charitable makes that choice easier. 

Finding ways to feel gratitude in each passing moment makes that choice easier. 

Regularly connecting with good people and friends makes that choice easier. 

Implementing a regular schedule of exercise and ritual of meditation makes that choice easier. 

Getting better sleep and having a healthy diet makes that choice easier. 

I hope you choose to find this post useful. 

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5 minutes ago, Novalocity said:

So just continue waiting for happiness? 18+ years isn't enough yet? I'm not looking for total happiness, just a moment.

No, don't merely wait. You don't want to live as a passive passenger in your own life. You have to make it so. That means going to school and performing well, completing your service distinguished, and speaking to that hustle in your music. Life is interactive. 

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3 minutes ago, iNow said:

Happiness is a choice. 

It’s not always an easy choice, and there are often biological/psychopharmacological obstacles to making it, but it very much is a choice  

Giving to others and being charitable makes that choice easier. 

Finding ways to feel gratitude in each passing moment makes that choice easier. 

Regularly connecting with good people and friends makes that choice easier. 

Implementing a regular schedule of exercise and ritual of meditation makes that choice easier. 

Getting better sleep and having a healthy diet makes that choice easier. 

I hope you choose to find this post useful. 

I constantly give to others, exercise, meditate, diet, and get 9 hours of sleep a night. The only thing I don't have is good people and gratitude. I do appreciate this post though. 

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1 hour ago, Novalocity said:

No, I'm saying the emotions I feel are negative that's why I don't accept them and instead search for ways to change my daily emotions.

Changing your emotions is like starting with a clean slate, or escaping from your problems. It can't be done. But you can change the way you think of them.

Negative is relative. It's negative to tell lies, but when a child learns to lie it's a signal to behavioral experts that the kid is thinking ahead to make its future better. Fear can be viewed as negative, but it also keeps us sharp and makes us cautious. Even hate often helps us define love.

I'm willing to bet that your perspective, focusing on negative feelings, has also helped you define what you think is fair and good and just. You know what the positive should be because you know the negative. It's not a matter of changing your emotion, but in using it positively. 

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4 minutes ago, Phi for All said:

Changing your emotions is like starting with a clean slate, or escaping from your problems. It can't be done. But you can change the way you think of them.

Negative is relative. It's negative to tell lies, but when a child learns to lie it's a signal to behavioral experts that the kid is thinking ahead to make its future better. Fear can be viewed as negative, but it also keeps us sharp and makes us cautious. Even hate often helps us define love.

I'm willing to bet that your perspective, focusing on negative feelings, has also helped you define what you think is fair and good and just. You know what the positive should be because you know the negative. It's not a matter of changing your emotion, but in using it positively. 

I have learned from the negativity, but I have also come to realize that I have learned enough from it and would like to feel some positivity in my life.

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1 minute ago, Novalocity said:

I have learned from the negativity, but I have also come to realize that I have learned enough from it and would like to feel some positivity in my life.

Excellent! Good choice. Now that you have well-defined parameters of what negative looks like, you need to learn what to do when it shows up unwanted, because it will and that's life. Don't be afraid to tell people you're trying to be more positive, and you'd appreciate their help, especially if you find yourself in a situation that falls back into bad old patterns. 

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9 minutes ago, Phi for All said:

Excellent! Good choice. Now that you have well-defined parameters of what negative looks like, you need to learn what to do when it shows up unwanted, because it will and that's life. Don't be afraid to tell people you're trying to be more positive, and you'd appreciate their help, especially if you find yourself in a situation that falls back into bad old patterns. 

I have nobody to tell.

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44 minutes ago, Novalocity said:

I have learned from the negativity, but I have also come to realize that I have learned enough from it and would like to feel some positivity in my life.

It's coming. At school you are about the learn many things both socially and academically. Through the service you will be pushed. Now is a good time list the things you want in life and why. What you want is a Year, 4yrs, and 10yrs. The WHY part is most important. Your list should not include things you think you are supposed to want. The list should be personal and only reflect things you want on an emotional level. 

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8 minutes ago, Novalocity said:

I have nobody to tell.

Even if you think it would do no good, if anybody in your family makes you feel negatively, you should let them know that's not how you want to be anymore. "I'm working on a more positive perspective, and I'd love to have your help." If you can learn to say that with a smile, they'll be more likely to believe you. 

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9 minutes ago, Phi for All said:

Even if you think it would do no good, if anybody in your family makes you feel negatively, you should let them know that's not how you want to be anymore. "I'm working on a more positive perspective, and I'd love to have your help." If you can learn to say that with a smile, they'll be more likely to believe you. 

I've told my Father before, he just says to figure it out.

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5 minutes ago, Novalocity said:

I've told my Father before, he just says to figure it out.

He should be happy then. Let him know you've figured out how to be more positive, and you'll be working on figuring it out even better.

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3 minutes ago, Phi for All said:

He should be happy then. Let him know you've figured out how to be more positive, and you'll be working on figuring it out even better.

I think you misunderstand my relationship with my Father. We hate each other.

Edited by Novalocity

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On 9/6/2018 at 9:25 AM, Novalocity said:

I just have been feeling very unsure about my place in life. I have never been tested for any mental illnesses but believe I might have some. I experience constant negative emotions towards life in general; including my obligations in the military, my music, and school. I would like to see how others validate their life in terms of worth, and ability. 

I have always felt giving and or helping others validated my life, raising children certainly was certainly a big part of it. Now that I am old helping others is the main way of validating my life. I'm not sure how old you are but remember you always have the choice to do good things contributing to the well being of others is a big part of being the social animals humans are... 

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At this point, it sounds like depression with understandable reasons.

Not much we can say here will help you to change your self talk and the narrative you’re identifying with. We can give tips, but we can’t action then for you. 

Find someone safe to talk with. Even consider a counselor, or in the toughest times a call crisis line. 

Until then, get up and exercise for a while. Clear your head. Release some endorphins. It may not be permanent, but definitely helps in the immediate term. 

Now, what are you still doing here reading this? Get off your ass and go exercise! ;)

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Novalocity - I watched this video again tonight and thought of you. 

No idea whether or not it will resonate with you the way it did with me.

No matter.

We all wish you well, acknowledge the pain you feel, and support you in asceding and accepting whatever circumstance(s) you may face. 

Feel free to ignore my words, but Seth is a poet with purpose.

 

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Moderator Note

I am closing this, but not because of not caring. The fact of the matter here is that we are not medical professionals or counsellors, and those are the people that should be consulted in issues that fall under the umbrella of mental health and well being.  I understand that people have a desire to help, but there remains a distinct possibility of doing harm rather than good, owing to a lack of expertise. We literally can't help, other than to point the OP to the existence of resources like call centers and clinics that specialize in dealing with these various issues. 

 

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