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is finding the right person science of belief based?


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is finding the right person science of belief based? can science explain how its supposed to work ? animals dont care as much as people in what personality of mate they mate with they don't have much options but people have any options and our psychology is much more complicated then animals.most people say the right person will come along. how do they know, what if he never will, i feel like society has a negative view overall. they think that there is a soulmate rather then a variety of people that your compatible with.it would make it so much harder if there was only one right person for us, one person that we will never divorce. is this something that can be answered by science?or is it something like the meaning of life there can be only opinion surrounding it?i just have a broken family so i worry about it full of divorce and cheating.

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I think the concept of soulmates is bunk. Compatibility doesn't guarantee you can spend the rest of your life with someone. And the idea that all the successful marriages did so against the astronomical odds involved in meeting their one "soulmate" is ridiculous.

 

Nobody is going to "come along". I think you actively have to look for the people you'd consider as mates, if you want somebody to live with rather than just procreate with. I think that's a good thing, it gives you freedom and choice.

 

There's nothing really belief-based in finding the right person, imo. You could look at it very objectively and scientifically by setting out exactly what you're looking for. Do you want someone you can build a life with, work together with towards common goals? Then you need to decide what goals you'd like, and find a guy who wants that too. There isn't just one of them, there are a TON to choose from, and out of that ton there will be a LOT that you could see growing old with, and out of that lot you just need to decide what else you want from the relationship so you can refine your choices.

 

People say you shouldn't talk about commitment early in a relationship, but I think the only ones you'd really scare off are the ones who wouldn't commit in the first place. I think the only way to find the right person is to talk about stuff like this, so you can see if your goals align (if that's important).

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One of the common mating scenarios for people is to select a life-long partner, except few relationships are life long compared to serially monogamous relationships. Many men and women have children with several partners. But, there are a few other scenarios, including the following:

 

Wikipedia

The Mosuo people are known as the 'Kingdom of Women' because the Na are a matrilineal society: heterosexual activity occurs only by mutual consent and mostly through the custom of the secret nocturnal 'visit'; men and women are free to have multiple partners, and to initiate or break off relationships when they please.

 

Some species mate for life; man is not one of them. Moreover, I believe infidelity is not uncommon in other species that mate for life.

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There's nothing really belief-based in finding the right person, imo. You could look at it very objectively and scientifically by setting out exactly what you're looking for. Do you want someone you can build a life with, work together with towards common goals? Then you need to decide what goals you'd like, and find a guy who wants that too. There isn't just one of them, there are a TON to choose from, and out of that ton there will be a LOT that you could see growing old with, and out of that lot you just need to decide what else you want from the relationship so you can refine your choices.

 

 

While that is true, one should also consider that people, their goals, and their circumstances change over time making it difficult to predict outcomes. But that is alright. The idea of soul mate most likely is just a type of back-rationalization of successful relationships. I.e. it worked out because we were soul mates, rather than the more mundane: it worked out because we did the work to make the partner an integral part of our life. Or even simpler: we were compatible because we made us so.

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Some species mate for life; man is not one of them. Moreover, I believe infidelity is not uncommon in other species that mate for life.

Mate for life or live together for life? Now that is the true question, at least for you guys.

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Can you elaborate

Well, perhaps we do not mate for life because of infidelity. But whats to go against two people who "love" each other from living together the rest of their life? Whether their faithful to each other or not doesn't matter unless they care about it. Hence this is typically marriage where people care about it. Which would put marriage more on point with, Lets be best friends for the rest of our natural lives, so much so that we live in the same house, in the same room, in the same bed. (or not, but generally) While this can happen without marriage, this is typically what marriage would be, from what I know.

 

And as for me saying, "at least for you guys" is because for me the two go together because of my religion.

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Phi and Charon have made excellent points which closely mirrors my own perspective of romantic relationships.

 

This is largely a very personal question and one which is going to draw a wide range of answers because it depends significantly on cultural background, religion, age and personal philosophy on love; some people are romantics and others are pragmatic.

 

My own belief is mostly practical; I believe marriage is largely about cooperation and companionship. I know from experience that it is better to act with logic than emotion when it comes to relationships and having common goals is more important than common interests. Infidelity is a very complex issue and controversial. I could forgive a partner who made an error in judgement, but I could not forgive dishonesty because trust is much more important to me than monogamy. I also think infidelity is bad for society unless there is complete transparency for everyone involved. Many people could potentially be hurt and therefore I believe it's important to discuss monogamy openly if it becomes a problem.

 

It seems you are interested in quantifying things and my only suggestion if you're afraid of divorce is to have a look at statistics. Based on collected data, there are several factors which seem to influence a couple's livelihood of divorce such as age, occupation, education, income, divorced parents and health (smoker or not). Also, data seems to suggest that if you have divorced previously, your chances of getting divorced again are higher. Do not let the statistics deter you, however, because I believe if you want to make a marriage work, then you have control over it to some degree.

 

I think personally it's important to alleviate these feelings of fear, doubt, jealously and insecurity. I believe you owe the person you love trust and confidence until they give you reason beyond doubt that they are not worthy of it. My general approach to any relationship, platonic and romantic is to believe the best in that person because cynicism and constant doubt just hurts both involved and can lead to resentment.

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is finding the right person science of belief based? can science explain how its supposed to work ? animals dont care as much as people in what personality of mate they mate with they don't have much options but people have any options and our psychology is much more complicated then animals.most people say the right person will come along. how do they know, what if he never will, i feel like society has a negative view overall. they think that there is a soulmate rather then a variety of people that your compatible with.it would make it so much harder if there was only one right person for us, one person that we will never divorce. is this something that can be answered by science?or is it something like the meaning of life there can be only opinion surrounding it?i just have a broken family so i worry about it full of divorce and cheating.

I think there is an element of serendipity necessary in the sense that two people are at compatible stages in their lives when they meet and have some degree of synchronisation in the timing of where they both want to go. Two people can be essentially compatible but the timing can be totally wrong because they are looking in different directions at that particular point in time. It's got to be worked at more than the rather unrealistic idea that two people will meld naturally into a functional unit without effort , as in made for each other, soulmate etc.

 

In the practical sense you need to just jump in and try different people out that interest you, taking each experience to its natural conclusion. With each new experience you'll narrow down what you want. You are very unlikely to hit the bullseye in the first go or three.

Edited by StringJunky
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It's anecdotal, but I found that when I stopped looking for and focusing so heavily on finding the right people and just focused on being myself and genuine in the present moment seeking to include kind quality people in my life that the puzzle pieces began more naturally falling into place. It no longer felt so much like forcing a square peg through a round hole.

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